Routine maintenance...

Yes, this picture is a car through the roof of a house...apparently they hadn't kept up with their routine maintenance and went off the road which was on a bank over some homes....and they 'dropped by' for a visit!

What exactly is routine maintenance? In the states, at least in Ct, where i hail from it means changing the oil, buying new tires occasionally and flushing the radiator.

Here in Moz. due to the high temperatures, bad roads and unusually heavy loads at times, it means all the above at increased intervals for double the price, AND replacing bearings, joints, radiators completely, inner and outer hub seals, not one battery--but two (because somebody thought your big truck needed two batteries)...and the sorting out of 'issues' BEFORE they find you out in the bush 100 miles from anywhere (or 10 miles from a mechanic--which can be the same dreadful feeling!).

So as i have been struggling through truck 'issues' and trying to get the 'maintenance' done on the truck before Nov. when we have some bush trips and then in Dec. head off to Malawi for our family break...i have been thinking about maintenance of my soul.

What is required to keep me functioning well, healthy and what is it that will enable me to withstand 'high temps', 'bad roads' and 'unusually heavy loads'? I am sure we could find volumes written on the subject of spiritual health and fervor but i am going to give the keys to MY spiritual fervor. Pretty simple really.

1. Keep my focus on Christ. Or in the words of Raggamuffin Gospel guy, "tell yourself the story daily", When i forget of how much in need i am, when i begin to compare myself to others or simply loose focus i fail miserably...kind of like a 4x4 truck with bad universal joints--things just don't work quite right, and although you can drive for quite a while, when you need to avoid that ditch (or temptation), you can't!

2. Kill the killers. We all know we should change the oil in our cars every couple thousand miles. Why, because it prolongs the life of the car....or the other way around, it helps the car live better and longer. So what if i only change half the oil? Or what if i only fix half the bad wheel bearings, is it really going to help? Nope, nada. The killer is still there. Our vehicle will die a quicker death...or will sputter along for years. Personally i do not feel like sputtering along, ask Cami, i like cruising at a good clip! Funny the little things that kill us are seemingly harmless. We need to trust the manual and do what it says!

3. Don't fall for the lie that you are alone. We are only alone if we want to be. Jesus was pretty clear about unity and fellowship be integral in our lives. Without them we are in danger. Like traveling an uncharted road without a map or guide---what is going to happen? If we are lucky we get out alive....

So, take it from me...do the maintenance, saves you money in the long run on your car and saves you endless headaches (or worse) spiritually! (you may have to get dirty...)

'n peace,
Kevin

Big night!

Toby hosted his first international sleepover this last week with buddies from his school. Turned out to be 3 different nationalities...but they all spoke the same language, "crazy"! They seemed to have lots of fun although sleep was not on their agenda. His five short friends were serious about playing as much as possible and to that effect we even overheard them discussing before they retired who would wake them all up in the morning so as to make the most of their time. It was finally discovered that Camille (thanks so much) wakes up at 5am and would wake the rest of them up too.

Strange after they had their pillow-fight they were hot and couldn't settle down...maybe i should not have joined them?

The next morning yes in deed they were up and playing at 5am...as Cami and i lay awake listing to the mayhem. But don't feel bad, i got my revenge! At 8:30 we left our house and picked up some other friends and two Big people to help me and headed for the mountain on which i would torture them! No, not really. It was great, some of them had never hiked before so i brought water for each and we went up a small but impressive mountain outside of town. Only one needed the rope tied around his waste and a few others needed a hand and encouragement, but they all made it!

Then they threw rocks off the top...alas, they failed on the last rock!








Really a great bunch of boys!
Until next time!

Be a MAN!

Ok, so this is more directed at my guy buddies out there somewhere....but i think it can be applicable to ladies as well....

The manly man Jesus; Can we stop being men of the world and men like Jesus?

I was preparing a devotional for a men’s group meeting here in town…actually we went out to a mountain, but anyway, I was thinking about being a man, a ‘real man’, you know, machismo and testosterone and grunting. I was thinking does this really match up with what God expects me to be? Does it really jive with WHO Jesus was…because as far as I know we are supposed to be like Him (conformed into HIS likeness), not like some celebrity, famous person or hero. So here is what I studied and read and what my conclusion is.

If, as my church doctrine and personal belief are true that Jesus was in fact fully human (yet sinless) and fully God (yet experienced exactly what we experience), then I have to believe Jesus was the best example of being a human possible. More than being the best human he was the best example of being a man, a true man. In fact He was the ultimate man. He was the perfect embodiment of what a man is to be. He without fault displayed true compassion, zeal, kindness, self-control, peace, obedience, truthfulness, integrity, purposefulness and grace. So I was thinking of these things and picked up a book by Bruce Marchiano who is an actor who played Jesus in a film. The experience changed him and made him appreciate the person and masculinity of Jesus.

In his book, The Character of a man; Reflecting on the image of Jesus he says, “Grace was the most comprehensive, underlying, over-blanketing constant that spilled from his every miracle and his every teaching. His every drop of sweat and every drop of blood.” P.87 Also that the words Jesus used were not wasted or trite, in fact they were perfect for each opportunity and person. Again Bruce writes, “The challenge…that man would so guard his mouth that no careless words would ever be spoken and no words would ever be spoken in careless way. That no matter the circumstances or the pull of self-interest a man would choose to speak with ‘Jesus’ lips’—lips anointed in grace”. P. 95 (We can see this clearly in the following verses. Luke 4:22--gracious words fell from his lips. In Math. 12:34-36 Jesus says out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks…and he wasn’t just speaking of good overflow!) This Jesus was accustomed to hard work, walking long distances, sleeping outdoors, being weary and hungry. He was not pampered, self-interested or isolated from those around him although he did spend time alone, sometimes running away from the masses that followed him and his every word, he wasn’t selfish, more self-aware of his own needs to be with the Father.

Our role model had constant purpose. Bruce again writes, “there is nothing lukewarm about this man. There is nothing halfway, nothing cool, nothing maybe this or maybe that. He is a man who knows exactly what he’s been born for and exactly what it will cost him and he isn’t afraid to march headlong into it. He is impassioned and holy and his manhood drips from it. He moves with purpose and urgency never wasting a moment, never moaning about this difficulty or groaning over that frustration. He just moves forward and passes on and presses through.” P.58 “He wakes every morning- a man who knows who he is and what his life is about. He rises from every challenge that would steal his excitement and beat him down. He stares the enemies of his soul and life’s potential straight in the eye and says ‘I’m a child of the living God and you’re not going to crush even a moment of the thrill’. Refusing mediocrity he rolls up his sleeves and dives into each day. He shakes free of the fatigue and the ache and pains of life lived in a broken creation …he digs his heels firmly into every responsibility and purpose God intends for him. P.65

My conclusion after reading this book, looking up verses and stories of Jesus to support these thoughts and meditating on them was very simple, I have long way to go. This man, this Jesus, this Rabbi, teacher, friend to sinners, guest of tax collectors and buddy to the really disgustingly sick….His standard of who we should be as people is a high mark. As far as masculinity….well, I just think we need to chill about being the toughest, fastest, most handsome, having the most toys and belike HIM. Gracious, compassionate, passionate for that which is right, careful and deliberate with our words, self aware of our needs and who we are. If this sounds too general, sorry but I think it is the best place to start being who we were intended (predestined) to be….LIKE HIM.

He lived 100%....
in every moment.
in submission to the father’s will
guided by the Holy Spirit
free of fear
with purpose
spilling out words and acts of grace
free of indulgence or sinful pursuits

The conclusions are simple.

Philippians 2:5-8 …be like Him in your attitude…humbled and obedience
Mathew 5:48 …be perfect like your Father in heaven
…Be holy (Lev. 19:2) or blameless (Deut. 18:13) or perfecting holiness (2 Cor. 7:1)
John 13:15 …do as Jesus did
Romans 8:29 … be conformed to the likeness of His Son

Everyone who crosses our path should say, “Oh yeh, he must be one of those Christians, he acts, talks and is just like Jesus.”

This is our challenge, our calling and our freedom. To throw off the weights, restraints and demands of this world (no matter what culture) and live as Jesus did, do the things He did, speak words like He spoke, and….do even greater things! (John 14:12!!????---maybe look into this another time!)

Finally my disclaimer/challenge.

“12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.” Philippians 3:12-15

His
Kevin

Went out to Meluli last sunday. beautiful and peaceful as always. The road was in good shape until the end where we ended up on a bicycle track once again! The people were so war and inviting it is hard not to want to go back or stay (they invited us to stay the night). But after preaching for 1 1/2 hours and then lunch and then visiting the house of my student i had to head home as the family was waiting for a trip out to the beach.




















So at the beach we made sand castles, flew kites, visited friends and DIDN'T get in the water. It was COLD. OK, maybe not by New York standards, but it was too cold for us and as both Cami and i were and continue to fight off some colds we admired the water from the beach, and the house, and the veranda. We also got to go out for steak! What a treat. Good friends suggested we go out to this new grill/restaurant with them and then they proceeded to pay for our meals! Even Toby now is a steak lover! Too bad we only have it once every 9 months! Ha.

All in all a good break, but there is work to be done. Today i am writing on being a manly man of God to share on a mens outing i have organized for Sunday afternoon.

God bless you all.
Kevin

Where is the world is Kevin?

Well...two weeks ago i was assisting my director who was up to check on everyone and gave a one-day seminar on culture. Went well and my students commented on how it made them think about things. After that Cami and i celebrated our 17 year Wedding anniversary with Indian food and a movie! Yikes, 17 years! Just can't believe we are actually aging....oh well. Then we went to the beach for a few days of fun and rest. Got back and taught classes and prepared to go to a conference down south.

About 5 hours from here met Proforte, an association of Theological Schools, interested churches, missionaries and organizations to better help and develop theological educational institutions in northern Mozambique. The representatives were a collection of missionaries, church leaders and Bible School professors and directors. Although TEE is not considered by some as 'true' theological education some friends thought it could be useful/fruitful to go down and share my vision of collaboration and start talking.

It was good. I was only surprised by the impact TEE has had in the past and the little it is used now. I began my short discussion by asking how many there had attended TEE in the past and 75% had attended and then one gave testimony as it had started their journey and in one case actually started their institution! I learned about other projects and schools that have active (and some huge) TEE programs as well and received a lot of encouragement. I believe i was challenged and have begun a journey that i really have no idea where it will lead. I only pray TEE can be utilized for the growth and maturity of the church here which so desperately needs maturity. In so many ways it just makes sense. (I was asked by my dir to write out my thoughts and a vision statement for the work here...i will share this with you all as it comes).

From the meeting i received a clear challenge to continue as well as receiving interest in Schools from all over Mozambique---corner to corner really---expressed intention to start working together, at least sharing practices and dialog and i am curious to see what comes out of it.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Arrived back today, Sunday much to the delight of Cami who is constantly being challenged by Ben the belligerent (but with a smile). You would not believe the will of this child. They are all taking naps and i am going to try to be helpful and do some dishes. Then i launch into preparing for next Saturday when i and two Mozambican pastors will give a the second part to the I$lam conference we started in May on top of classes. It is going to be a busy week.

Final thought. I was sitting last night talking with a fellow missionary and we were talking about how there exists folks out there that just seem to have an amazing amount of charisma....but these individuals have a tendency to lack other qualities. It is as if because of the charm they posses they don't worry about honesty or consistency....because their charm will get them out of trouble. Just a thought.

Peace out
Kevin

Wow. What a weekend. Started thursday with normal running around, classes and such. Friday was Toby's big drama night at school. Each grade (1&2, 3&4 and 5-7) did a skit as well as some of the older students reciting poems and famous speeches. It was a nice time to see the kids and parents as well. Saturday was nuts for Cami. She went out to teach at the orphanage of friends of ours (http://victorandchristina.blogspot.com/) at 7:30 am, came home at 9:45 and taught a neighbor how to make pancakes, prepared food for the party, and ran out the door to the 4th of July party with the kids. We actually had a party with some other Americans and folks who simply wanted to get in on a party! I showed up late after teaching from 9am until 3:30 with a run in the middle to help a buddy with his open air crusade in town.



Sunday we were up early again to go to a 'bush-church' visit. Which means it is off the main road. It was fun. The church was planted last year by a student of mine and now he has walked another 1 1/2 hours further into the bush and started another church.

They both came together and it was encouraging to see a 'healthy', young church even if the service was 3.5 hours!. What was especially nice was Cami and the kids went with me (a rarity due to logistics and simply it doesn't make sense to drag the boys to different churches every week!).


Toby loved getting out town. He kept saying how much he wanted to live out there. It was less than an hour into the bush but you feel like you are days away. No electricity, no piped water (we had to drive through their water source! The river)...i think Toby would not like it for very long.

I think Cami is going to post some video of the trip on you tube...stay tuned.

Then after a quick break at home Cami ran into town on the motorbike to film some of the crusade while i prepared some snack, gathered stuff, bathed the boys and got them ready for our "English Fellowship' church Sunday evening. It was a special time of the youth presenting the ten week Sunday school program they had just finished with each kids sharing a little. Then we decided we would go 'out' to eat and stopped by our local shwarma/chicken/pizza dive and had dinner with new friends working with Save the Children in town.

A very good weekend. Bless you all.
K

New....
As you may have noticed i changed the 'look' of my blog (here) and some stuff here and there. This is because Cami has done a great job on our other blog (here---http://camikevinupdate.blogspot.com---)and created a pic blog (here---http://zwartphotostoshare.blogspot.com/---you can go to to see newish stuff (like Toby's impressive black eye!). I also changed the name of this one because it is purely me...good, bad and ugly. The other blog has more of Cami's writings about life here with my contributions form time to time!

Happy reading.

peace in everything
K



Even in 3 inch long Golden Orb spiders!

Was off this morning on a trip to help a friend whose truck broke down about 50 miles from town. I was glad for the opportunity to be alone and listen to music (loud) and think/pray about some stuff...like my tendency to be selfish...my tendency to be weak...and well, sinful.

So after picking up the needed parts in town (8 stores later), dropped off some Tylenol and malaria meds for a friend i headed out to "da socoro", (give rescue) to my buddy. Wasn't bad and my last repair on my car seems to be holding up! We managed to get his rear brakes back working to some degree (minus a few non essential parts)and he was on his way home to his new baby and wife in Malawi.

But what stuck me as i drove home, dodging pot holes and at times driving completely off the road...was the same grace which saved me from eternal damnation and separation from God is available for me every moment of this life. Hmm. The same love i was shown when i accepted Christ as my savior is available for me to show others...daily. Moment by moment...tot he beggars and the 30 kids gathered around us as we worked on his car along the road.


The same grace. The same love. The same peace. Wow. This was quite a revelation for me. We (who call ourselves Christians) talk about the great love of God which saves us. We talk about the grace which He so freely bestows on us...while yet sinners...Yet daily we live as if we are on our own again. Again and again and again we live as if the grace and love and (dare i say) power of God only applies to our conversion 9moment of acceptance of Jesus as Lord and Savior) but not our sanctification (the daily working out of Him as our Lord and Savior). We are a strange breed are we not?

So this also jumps back to my worst kind of love...in that, alone, in our own strength and power we are pitiful. I am a disaster. Yes, you are too. Sorry. But it is true. But with believing and accepting that to love this world with His power, with His love and with His grace...well....

There is no telling what will happen.

Go change your world brothers and sisters. Start with the first person you meet, and love them.

In case you did not hear, having a car in Mozambique is challenge. They constantly break and need repair. Due to the bad roads maintenance is a nearly weekly affair. So when we got here we bought the strongest must durable car we could...with the money we had.



So after working on our older Landcruiser this week and trying to find quality replacement parts (or any parts as it turned out) i had a few minutes on my way home from Rapale and stopped at the Toyota dealer in town....oh my.

TO replace our truck with a new one is ......$168,000. Yes, that is right a stripped down, 'NGO' type Landcruiser is over $150,000! In the states the more or less same new truck is $65,000. Oh well.

There are other options for half the price or a double cab pickup truck is $42,000.

So we will continue to enjoy our 1994 Landcruiser....i will gladly continue maintenance and repairs as much as i can and unless someone has a bucket of money....i will leave it all in the hands of God.

The worst kind of love.

Is the kind of love that calls you to do something you don't want to do. Tells you to be kind to the unlovely, the hurtful and stupid.

Recently i watched the movie 'Fireproof', and although not usually a big fan of 'Christian' movies as they tend to be lower quality and poorly written, this one had some profound truth which i can not only support but was moved to tears because i think it spoke of something God has been impressing on me lately.

It is this. Dump all your thoughts on religion and love people. Simple.

This would be great until we come across a person who has hurt us, it is easy when we get the response we want. It is easy when it doesn't call for sacrifice. Sacrifice hurts, sacrifice is giving something of ourselves, our time, our money, our energy, our pride...our perceived need for praise and appreciation. Our felt needs of self gratification. All these feelings and ideas are contrary to this love i am talking about.

The love i am talking about stems from the very character and person of God. Not some mushy feeling or contentedness even, but a state of being. In 1 John it says "God is love", not His business, not His predisposition but He IS...hmmm. So what does it look like? Well, it is patient (like with the Israelites) it is kind, (like with Hagar), it is long-suffering (like with the human race!). Love looks like it is described in 1 Cor. 13. BUT personified in God and on earth in His son, Jesus.
Take a second and read the list below. But put in Jesus every time you read love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

My reaction was wow! Jesus does personify what love is. So what does this mean for us...? Well it was a command of Jesus for his disciples as well as for us.

In John 13 we read about the disciples and Jesus and how Jesus gave them a new command in the midst of a pretty awful dinner party. Jesus had just told his friends, his closest disciples that he was going away. He had just alluded to being betrayed and sent Judas on his way without even a harsh word. And then he tells his buddies to....love one another. Not to seek revenge, not to overthrow those who would soon come and haul him away to be tortured and killed. No, Jesus said, 'love one another'. He said by doing so the world would know they were followers of Christ. Now listen, amidst the heartache and strife of that evening meal, knowing full well what lay ahead , Jesus commands them to love. Did they get it? Well, it appears they (as we are often as well) well very distracted and wanted answers, they wanted to know what was going to happen.

How often do we become distracted by wanting to know stuff. We want God to provide answers that in truth, aren't that important. When in truth he wants us to love.

When a young scribe approached Jesus and asked what he must do to inherit (gain/win) eternal life, what was Jesus' answer? 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind and all your strength..and love your neighbor as yourself' (ouch). Jesus was quoting the OT when Moses had just finished giving the ten commandments and to summerize as it ere, Moses said, just do this...and you'll get the rest.

Another recounting tells of someone asking Jesus what is the greatest commandment and he replies with the same answer. Love God and your neighbor as yourself. And if we look at the sermon--dialog on the mount Jesus says to even love your enemies. My enemies! GET OUT! But yes, these are the commands, the desires and the will of God for his people.

So what are we waiting for. Are we loving our spouses, our children, our annoying realitive, our neghbor, our mayor, our mailman, the homeless guy, the local crazy guy...what about the co-worker who slanders you or your spouse who you have been fighting with for over a year and you can't even remember what about...what about the sex addict down the street or the rapist around the corner.

This is not a easy love. This is not for faint hearted or those who only care to follo Jesus into the upper room but not out to Golgotha.

This is the message i am receiving. this is the message i am trying to live. First Corinthians 12 leads into the love chapter with the phrase, "And now I will show you the most excellent way." This most excellent way, this way which is far better than any gifting or ability is something we can all do.

So what is stopping you? Love...

Well after 5 weeks with the in-laws in house we look forward to some 'normalcy'--like power outages, going to bed at 7:30 and a routine! It was nice to have them here and great to watch Sally interact and enjoy the boys. I think she almost enjoys them as much as i do...naa. Not possible. Got some projects done around the house (more outside security lighting) and new steering damper put on the truck. We did have two trips, one 10 hours north to Mocimboa de Praai to see the work there and encourage colleagues. We also spent two days on Ilha de Mocambique and a week on the beach in a friends 'camp-house' which was nice and peaceful. Overall a good time. But we are tired.

My classes are winding down just in time for three back to back conferences starting next week. The first is put on by a group of South Africans who come up to specifically help us misso's in northern Moz. They usually bring a vet, dentist and IT tech guy but ii think this time it will be more fellowship, encouragement and discussions about the business side of missions and business AS missions. Should be interesting. The second conference is probably my most favorite. Once a year our AIM northern team comes together and just chills out. NO BUSINESS. Just Fun, being together, talking, worshiping and playing. It is only three days but quite a break. Lastly we will (Cami with me this year!) attend a FIEL (Faith) conference during the days and hear some speakers from Brazil and the States. This is more geared for Mozambican pastors and one of the very few opportunities they have to be together in a non-denom setting. We have sponsored three other couples to attend and will be able to just 'be' with them outside of church and home settings. It has been fun for me to hear their reactions and thoughts about the material taught as many have never attended a conference before.

So....normalcy...HA!

And during all this i have to organize the next classes which will grow by two again...bring me up to 7 classes a week! Yikes. OH!!! Two students so far have scored 100% on their final exams! Praise God and Kudos to them for their hard work.

That is the news...
And i am out of here.

Before i forget....

I just wanted to say a big thank you for your generosity in supporting us. Weither it be through kind words, financial support or packages sent to us, THANK YOU. We know these times are tough for all of us.

I just wanted you all to know we are continually amazed by God's provision (through you) for us. Although at times things look bleak and news from home sounds bad, God comes through. Please do not stop believing this for us or yourselves.

As far as packages---we love them--- if we have not thanked you for one it isn't because we are ungrateful but it is probably because we haven't received it! (Drop us a note if you sent something out.)

Ok folks, off to the village to give a exam on Genesis, part one. This group is eager and applying the stuff to their lives. It is exciting and humbling to be here and do this work. Thanks for your part in making it happen...and continue to happen.

Later,
Kevin

Anniversary.

Usually a happy time of cake and games, presents and fun. Today i remember Tabitha. It has been five years now and life has continued to test, challenge, entertain and grow us. Thankfully during the same time God has been faithful and guided, goaded, comforted and loved us.

It was with great joy i held her and moments later with great sadness watched her go. But I now find myself content, strangely, no longer bitter at her maker or angry for only giving her a incredibly short life. As time goes by i think it is easier to rest in the knowledge that those in Christ who pass before us are indeed in a better place. The pain is still there but the need for understanding or reasons fades. because truthfully, the reasons are always elusive and some of the biggest questions are not answered here.

She is buried in Ohio but still lives on with us.

Happy Birthday little one. Until one day....
Dad

So it was palm Sunday last week. The day Jesus entered Jerusalem and all the peeps thought, 'now we will get some results!' It is thought that many were waiting for Jesus to make his public announcement of defiance or fighting against the Roman tyranny...
Boy were they let down. Instead of entering in a parade on a noble steed with solders and powerful men at his side he entered a lesser used gate to the city on a donkey. A DONKEY! Where was the defiance? Where was the power play? Where was the displacing of the corrupt leaders?

He was riding on a donkey, going to celebrate quietly with his friends the Jewish Passover. A remembrance of when God spared the firstborns while they were slaves in Egypt some years earlier. Ohh how different this passover would be.

He came to Jerusalem to die. Not to rule. He did come to conquer...He came to conquer death...not Rome.

This week as i have been trying to reflect and prepare a sermon for easter i am astounded by the lack of understanding the disciples had about what was to happen, and equally taken aback when i read what they did afterwards through the power of the Holy Spirit.

As yesterday we remembered his torture, his ridicule and finally death today we are left in silence. Remembering a world without Christ. I imagine his followers hanging their heads and walking away. I think i know that feeling. When my preconceptions of who he is or what i thought he would do just do not match up, and i, like them turn away and ponder. What are our misconceptions? What is it we think he should do for us?

Today i encourage you to take a quiet day and think of what he did, to imagine yourself there. To examine your thoughts on what you think he should be or do for you.

And tomorrow....well tomorrow we rejoice when we find out he did more than we could have imagined.

Inspire me.

This was my request today. My family and i have been ill with a virus--rather nasty one- for the last two weeks and we all are tired but surviving. So today as i sat thinking i was better and broke out in a fever and wheezing/coughing. I asked for inspiration. So i did a quick Internet search.

I read the pithy statements, i looking at the inspirational posters and saw a plethora of 'motivational stories'. They didn't cut it. I needed more. Then i noticed a blog and he (Thanks Travis at travjohnson.wordpress.com) listed 15 things that inspire him about the man Jesus. Then he opened it up for others to add their thoughts too. The list ended up like this.

1. He was born in a barn.
2. He was true to His friends, even the one that was not true to Him.
3. He loved to work with his hands and create things.
4. He committed major social faux pas because it was the right thing to do.
5. He knew how to draw a crowd and drive His point home.
6. He knew how to get away from the crowd.
7. He rejected religious thinking in favor of thinking that honored God.
8. He enjoyed eating and hanging out with people who thought differently than he did.
9. He got severely ticked off at people who claimed to be religious leaders but did everything they could to discredit the name of God so they could instead advance their own agendas.
10. He left a legacy of compassion, strength, commitment, and trust for those He led.
11. He genuinely loved people.
12. He was totally human with emotions, a rational mind, and spirituality.
13. He affirmed the Scriptures while ridiculing the "cultural baggage" that had been added to the message of Jehovah over the years.
14. He was thinking about His mom as He took His last breaths.
15. He left life as an earthly man by giving words of empowerment to ordinary humanity.
16. He empowered the masses with the words "Go" and "Love."
17. He showed me how to “live” and how to “die.”
18. He fed the hungry, and created more hunger in those who were already “full”.
19. He wept over the loss of friends.
20. His feet got dirty
21. He liked to take long walks
22. He teach Pardon to whom that hurt us because they doesn’t know the trust.
23. He taught it is more important to give and depend on Him.

Now, i thought, that is a pretty good list. It helped me. Really. But i thought we could all add one more and there was one i found missing....

24. He loved(s) me enough to die

So as i stubble and strive through this life i need only look one place, at one man. He IS my inspiration.

So, note to self, no more whining, rest up, there is work to do.

Tragedy and loneliness.

Real tragedy, the lose of a child or spouse...or job or simply the realization that we are not living up to all we really can be are all things VERY difficult to swallow.

Presently i am going through a personal tragedy but for numerous reasons not at liberty to discus. Beyond myself, my grandmother is banging on the gate of heaven and as my family watches it is hard to imagine life without my dear old Nana. Cantankerous, whiny, shrinking....yet you knew she loved you. She will be number four grandparent we will have lost while out of America. Lost. Tragedy. Maybe not for her, her pain will have ended and she will be whole again, maybe she will meet long lost friends...maybe she will be surprised who is there to greet her.

Still for us here, we have tragedy, we feel loss, we have pain. Yet we go on. I received an email from a fellow misso in Africa and maybe in a month it will resonate more, but there were simply too many words. He could have summed it up in a phase....our perspective is short and really, really SMALL. For that truth alone i love him. I did need to hear.

I also like the Jewish idea of 'sitting shiva'. Those who are grieving sit for a week and friends and family visit them, don't initiate talking, care for the broken hearted and comfort them with their presence (very similar to what is supposed to happen here). Just being there with. At times it is best to drop the small talk and shut up. For this we have been grateful for those who have been with us, not to give answers but to be with us and give support during hard times. I remember after the death of our daughter a friend came to the house and just gave me a hug and cried. It was awesome, he was truly with us.

And that brings me to loneliness. Knowing someone is with you is sometimes all it takes to help pull us through a rough patch. Knowing the God of the universe is with you, that his Holy Spirit lives in us is strength and knowing we are surrounded by a 'cloud of witnesses' can be impetus for not giving up.

So. For my brother going through so much change, i am with you. For my other brother at a precipice of decisions and responsibility, i am with you too. For my mom sitting beside her mother, watching her fade, i am with you too. For others who do not share your pain or tragedy easily---i am with you too, i know the feeling.

And maybe, just maybe it isn't about knowing everything, but being together, if nothing else, in spirit.

May God's peace be yours as it is mine and may today find you not so alone.

Ok, I am alive!
For valentines day i 'celebrated by throwing up and laying in bed with a 103 fever. Yeha.

Yup, after two years my inconsistency caught up with me and one of those little buggers (mosquitoes) found me with my defenses down. Ah, malaria. Really quite a pain, in so many ways.

But let me back up. Two weeks ago i was on my way back from one of the village classes with a pastor on the back of the moto with me and we attempted to leave a tire rut and the front tire slid under and we tumbled over. We weren't going fast or anything but i saw him yesterday and his sores are still healing. The next day after teaching we as a family heading to the beach for some R&R and we swam and snorkeled for two days and headed home again. The day following i came down with malaria (oblivious to the growing infection in my leg). After a few days delirious, taking serious meds i recovered enough to realize my leg was killing me only to find a red, hot, swollen sore...ugh. So we started the wrong kind of antibiotics.....until i finally called my dr. friend and he got us on the right track and now it is much better!

So. Besides that our internet was out for 8days (someone stole the fiber optic cable that runs along the road to the coast)and the boys have been sharing a a bacterial infection called impetigo--nasty skin thing). Cami is doing well...graciously caring for all us. I gave her the day off yesterday and she went to a guest cottage the other side of town and had some alone/down time int he quiet a/c. I must do that more. She deserves it!

So, now you know. where i have been and now i am back. Will write more---'spiritually' soon.



Peace out.
Kevin

You know you are your fathers son when...

Your wife comes home to find you with two boxes of assorted nuts bolts and screws and you're not only overjoyed but thoroughly engrossed in sorting them out into nice little piles only to discover you have nowhere to put them.

Ok, it started in that i needed some screws and deep in the bowels of the dependencia (small out building), swarming with mosquitoes--yes the malaria kind, i found long lost box of stuff. Doesn't sound all that exciting until you realize here in Nampula you can go around to 5 different "hardware" stores and still not find the right size screw you are looking for, in fact it may not exist in the country at all! Anyway, i was happy. After a disappointing morning in the village with only two of thirteen showing up for our first class (planting time!) i needed some accomplishment. So i sorted.

What was really funny was that i consciously knew i would make my Dad proud if he could see me for sorting and saving these bits...and then i turned to Cami and said in all seriousness, "Now all i have to do is wait until someone says they need a nut or certain size screw and i can help them out, willn't that be great!?" With a sigh and "yup," Cami said, "now you are your father".

I don't know, doesn't seem like such a bad thing. Love ya Dad.

I am back.
What has happened? Hmmm.
1. A big ship dragged its anchor over the fiber optic cable and severed communication for all of northern Mozambique...yes, really. We have be been without internet and cell phones for much of 3 months.
2. We moved our entire house...across town in preparation to move across the Atlantic in July. Sold the chickens and pigeons, found homes for the dogs and retired our guards.
3. Started wrapping up TEE classes, gave tests and am currently meeting with another missionary who will fill the gap while i am gone.
4. Last bush trips...took three monitors with me to the coastal town of Moma and we gave a seminar on Genesis to pastors and leader from 7 different denominations. It was great. We had a good time together and all went smoothly--even the road! The president had just visited that district a week before so the 250 miles of dirt roads had been smoothed! Praise God, a 5 hour trip took only 3!
5. Lastly we started to say goodbye. As we do i am profoundly aware that this is now home.If it were not for seeing and reconnecting with you and the necessity of raising support i wouldn't want to go. We are trying not to think of the challenges that lie head this year there...culture shock, missing friends, kids readjusting, lack of funds (again we are under-supported), but we know for a fact that our big God will provide somehow as He has for the last 3.5 years.

I will write more now that we are temporarily staying in a friends house which has internet....but thought it best to catch you up!
See you soon. Kevin

Silent.
Very silent.

Seems towards the end of last year i became...despondent. Here we call it burn-out.

I have been distant from my friends, family and sadly, God.

So over our break over December i did some soul-searching and found myself wanting. I have been so task oriented and preoccupied with the wrong questions that i felt empty. It is a terrible thing to feel empty. To feel what you do doesn't really matter, that in this world nothing will change. That we have no effect on the restlessness and fear in the hearts of those we love.

So i have been thinking and praying. You would find me talking on the beach as if to myself. You would hear me mumble and sing quietly while everyone was sleeping. I thought about Jesus. I thought about the beginning of his love. The beginning of my relationship with him. Where have i gone? What has happened? I remember deep feelings, of hearing him in the wind, of being lost in wonder--often. O f being lost in love with my creator and friend.

So i am retreating to the beginning. Before the silence.

I have gone back to reading the Bible from Genesis where out of the silence God spoke and there was. Where he separated dark from light, gathered the land together, spoke trees and plants, animals and birds and fish into existence. When he set stars in motion and the earth spinning to govern the time and give order to our days. He blessed it all. He said it was good. And then he made you and i to rule, manage, enjoy and take care of this creation. And then he said it was VERY good. But better yet is what we find after that. God walked with Adam. He strolled with him. They sat together, God would call the animals in front and Adam would name it. I picture them sitting as friends on a smooth rock chatting, admiring the garden, the creation possibly silent, knowingly, in union and agreement. Knowing what they have between them is different than all this. Relationship between creator and creation is special, but relationship between man and his God is deeper, stronger, intimate. And it can be silent.

It is a beautiful picture. Silence. Well, i realized that for the last 6 months i have been failing to remember this. The world i live in is hurting, struggling and at times, dieing. Believers i know live between fear and fate. I have walked slowly away looking for Him when all the while he had been waiting for me. Quietly, patiently waiting for me, to sit, to agree with him, to remember things. And that is what i have started to do. But it is difficult to be quiet. To see the terrible work of our own hands against one another. To see Satan stealing faith and joy, to not become angry, hut, despondent. Yet, i know now, again that in this world of pain and suffering there is glory. There is peace beyond the surface of our circumstances. There is silence that is love.

I think this silence is bigger than love. This thing, this love began before we existed, God loved us, wanted us to share HIM. I think what exists between man and God is larger than we can imagine. Richer, fuller, more peaceful and full of grace than we can imagine. And this the beginning i am returning to this year.

Or at least that is what i hear on this smooth rock with my God.