Hit by a (mini) bus, broke, literally run into by a kid fleeing another accident...insulted, tired, terrified, uncomfortable and unable to go anywhere. Ben in this picture there sums up how i felt.

So after a horrendous week, i sat thinking about my friends son who died a few months ago, about the poverty i am currently experiencing, about the friends who don't write, about my son who got bit by our VERY big dog, , about my best friend in Iraq, about how daily i hear bad news here (be it robbery, sickness or death), about the distance between me and those i love...

And them i began to cry. Not out of sorrow but thankfulness. And not because of my age old retort of 'it could always be worse'...(although it could) but rather because in this time of trials and testing i find the things that matter most to me, actually matter most. My belief that God is ultimately good in all He does, that indeed in some mysterious way the Holy Spirit abides-lives -dwells in me, the relief to know that even surrounded by trouble and pain i can hear God and that when i feel most alone i am with those who love me (even in my self pity). These things matter most.

Sometimes i think we need to get real low to see what we are doing or believing. It is as if when we are feeling well we are unable to see ourselves clearly. I have the tendency to simply ignore the inner workings of my soul if only my 'out-workings' are going well. The circumstances and feelings will always move on and change. There is an perpetual motion to how our lives flow but within this we can be constant with some things--the most important things. Our faith and beliefs, our reactions and thoughts in response to hardships and pain.

I believe in grief there is a peace, in suffering there is a release of all we want. In hardship there can be great power.

We do not have to search for bad news or hardship. It is easy to find a cause to sacrifice to. But much harder is to be at peace with yourself...and with God and that is my prayer for you today. Think on what matters most to you...and may it truly be what matters most.