My top 6 truths I have been reminded of in the last 5 months.
1. Understanding your spouse's feelings is more powerful than solving their problems.
Knowing how another person feels forces us to consider if we want to add to their sorrow, fear, guilt or pain or do we want to help comfort, encourage and empower the other. In marriage I have found this to be key. Unfortunately it is difficult to practice; To listen and not speak; To not give answers or solutions; To empathize and not judge.
The very act of empathy changes the relationship to be other-center. It draws us together and removes the distance of misunderstanding and ignorance.
If you are really interested in learning attend a Marriage Encounter weekend (www.wwme.org) near you. Worth the money.
2. No gift can replace time (memories) spent with those you love.
This is something we have found hard to explain to others. Time is precious to us as we are constantly aware of our leaving to go back to Africa. It seems in the US folks tend to believe there will always be more time or another opportunity. This is such a lie and thief. We have so enjoyed our moments with our family and friends and try hard not waste our time here with you all.
Don’t let the days slip by without speaking love to those who are important to you. Sharing love with those you know need it most and build the memories of time spent well with others so that you can take the memories with you anywhere and remember.
3. Friendship not only makes sacrifices for the other but also has no recollection of time.
What a strange thing is friendship. It truly sees you for your best yet calls you on your crap. It does not harbor ill or resentment for things you did or said in the past and has your best in mind. 1 Corinthians 13 comes to mind when I think of my friends. Thank you.
4. Sometimes the distance traveled is more important than the destination.
Sometimes where you are going is not as important as the fact you are on the journey. This furlough has taught us many things, some harder lessons than others but in the end we realize it was often has been the actual journey together which has changed us. It has drawn us together and forced us to reconcile our not only our relationships, but also our expectations, thoughts and beliefs. The process becomes cathartic.
5. Small decisions display our deepest desires.
We all know this to be true. We are make thousands if not millions of decisions every day. And unfortunately we often feel shame or guilt knowing all too well how we have blown it, repeatedly. We all want great relationships and love but in the details we often are selfish and lazy (speaking from experience). To be self-aware and cognoscente of our weakness but at the same time proactive in our lives is a decision faced in the everyday choices. The way we spend our time (one minute at a time), the way we spend our money (one dollar at a time) and the way we spend our emotions (one flash of anger, compassion or fear at a time) display our deepest passions and desires.
6. Love and grace are neither economical nor reasonable.
I want to be irresponsible in my grace. If i have learned anything in the last few months here stateside it is that i lack grace. Not that i have not received grace, from others or from God. I have wept knowing my mistakes and shortcomings. I have tasted and savored the forgiveness. What i also know is that if i am reasonable or responsible with it, it never works. Love is not something I can meter out and expect good return. It is not an investment plan nor is it a lottery. It is another miracle of God. Participate in it dear one and feel the freedom and taste the joy it brings.
If you are reading this today and know me, you know how I fall short often. You know my mistakes and laziness. May you also hear the truth in these words and may they resonate in you.
May you find and give empathy, may you make memories of time spent with those you love and not only find friendship but be a 1 Cor.13 kind of friend to another. May you realize the journey may be more important than where you are going and make the small decisions wisely. And lastly be irresponsible, no, be downright extravagant with love, there is no time to waste and no better gift to be given.
For this is who Christ Jesus is for us.
Merry Christmas dear ones.
