As I crawled around the floor mopping up water I began to get slightly…agitated. It just wasn’t fair. It reminded me of an a feeling a week earlier when I was doing the millionth batch of dishes, after just completing load 6 of laundry (which to dry in rainy season is…a challenge to get dry) and I looked to my right and Cami was laying on our comfy bed watching a movie happily. A feeling crept up in me which I think we can call “a scream against primal injustice”. I knew she couldn’t help due to her 2nd herniated disk…poor thing—really. I had mentally reviewed my marriage vows and did remember something about sickness and health. But none of this made me feel any better.

So as I slopped around the floor for over an hour my back began to hurt and my soul began to sense bitterness creeping in. (Cami had left our laundry machine tap on—we have a manual feed, twin tub-- so had flooded the house). I had been struggling to find peace in this change of plans as coming back from our Christmas break I had wanted to start more classes and get out more with my students but with Cami limited I needed to stay home to take care of the boys, her, the house and everything else (new land, car repairs, floods…). I had been feeling well, you now, the “well with my soul” kind of good with my daily devotions becoming more, well, daily, started being more deliberate with devotions for the boys in the ams. So why was I feeling this way? What could I do about it?

So I decided to put on my ipod and listen to some music and an amazing thing happened. I was humbled, lifted and empowered. Let me tell you how.

I began by telling you how I had been feeling and yet I carried on and did the work. I accepted the praise of my friend’s wives and those around who know what it takes to live here in northern Mozambique. I took solace in knowing others thought good of me and my sacrifice. I somehow felt encouraged by the praise of others and well of myself.

So as I listened to “I boast no more” by Ceadmons Call it began to dawn on me that I was missing the point. Worse than missing the point, all that I can possibly do, for Cami or to make others think better of me or even for Christ’s glory is nothing, absolutely nothing. I offer trash before the King of the universe and say, ‘how’s that?”. Oh, the shame, the subtle boasts we lay at God’s feet. The horror of thinking that I had possibly something worth offering to God for it is only through Christ I am saved, it is only due to him that ANYTHING I do is pleasing to God. “The best obedience of my hands, dares not appear before thy throne”. So I then repented and continued to mop with my towel, sweat and tears falling on the floor. I began to see that even in this lowly act I can glorify Him and for Him I must act. I began to change again, to be transformed. I had moved my soul back into a trajectory with my God.

Brother Lawrence wrote a book I read when I first became truly serious in my journey with Christ as my savior. Called The Practice of the Presence of God (if you have never read it you can find a free version here at http://www.practicegodspresence.com/brotherlawrence/index.html). It changed me then and I was reminded of the simple practice of seeking and living in His presence, of actively being a living sacrifice and conversing with Him constantly, of making the presence of God something like breathing, organic and natural. Oh, how I had lost this. Oh, how far I was from the simple act. I had ventured far into wanting to gain merit and seek praise, in the humblest of ways. Oh, to rest in Him, it is what I had longed for.

And then came the joy. “I boast no more of the duties I have done, quit the hopes I held before to trust the merits of thy son.” Due to Christ alone I could be accepted and stand before God and worship. A life made worthy by Him and Him alone. Mopping the floor, wiping my wife’s brow as she vomits, chasing the monkeys into bed, fixing the truck…
All for His glory and because of Him I can do these things.

I boast no more.