Sunday, July 29, 2007

On being broken

I was reading through some blogs i frequent and thinking of some people i love and realised that for the most part those who are most balanced, most able to take their knocks, are those who have been broken.
This isn't a 'badge' thing but more of a personal observance thing. For those who don't know i lost a baby daughter two years ago and i was broken. It changes things. Life takes on a new perspective. What i am thankful for now is different than what i used to be thankful for. The phrase 'it could always be worse' is actually true. To keep this 'cup-half-full' mentality going one only needs to think of Jesus. He knew from the getgo he would be heckled, hassled, sleep in the cold, wander homeless, be betrayed, be wrongly accused, unfairly judged and then murbered for it. Now that sucks. And he knew it all going in!
For me, i had no idea what suffering is and as a good old american i never thought it would happen to me. Don't we all think that? "Well, i'll never get cancer" or "My marriage will never fall apart".But these things happen--to us, to someone you know. I recently was talking to someone i love dearly who has a had a bit of a bad year. Job situation sucks, family is limping along, made some bad choices...and now is sitting broken. He is slowing putting things in order and getting his life back and my thought this morning was, 'ok, now he is broken, he can start again'. It seems lately many i know are in some stage of being broken and some don't even know it. Some are fightened by it, some are denying it, some are running as fast as they can from it. And occassionally some are grasping it for all it is worth, for what it has to teach them.
I am still learning what my brokenness is about. I still miss my Tabitha and still don't have any answers about the why. But what i have learned is that brokenness becomes part of you. You do not 'get over it' and 'time doesn't heal all wounds', but brokenness/pain becomes part of who you are, you feel more deeply, hopefully have more compassion for others and are able to identify with a whole other group of people.
If you are somewhere in this process, experiencing pain and being broken, i am sorry. It is not fun. But you will survive. Others have, you can. What i can tell you is that knowing jesus and having a relationship with God (mind you not church--church often doesn't help)you can come out stonger, healthier and with peace.
Jesus went through a lot of junk. He suffered. He knows what it is like.
Have some peace and know i am for you, behind you...and if i could i would be with you.
Peace