My Dad and I were driving back from somewhere the other day and he casually mentioned, 'i read your blog and you sound..uh, uhm....(silence)...', at which point i interrupted and said, 'Adrift?'. That was basically the extent of our conversation. I am not knocking my Dad, he is a wonderful guy and he and i are close. Funny though, how when we go through times of doubt or pain or 'adriftness' we really don't have anything to say to each other that doesn't sound...well, pithy. I thank my Dad for not saying anything scripted or cliche and continue adrift.

I had spent the week previously driving some 2000+ miles to help with the renovations on my aunt and uncle's new house, making it wheelchair friendly. It was a lot of miles and work but it was fun and i really enjoyed the time doing something. The doing was who i was being for that period of time. I was enlightened on what my cousin Micheal's life is like now as a quadriplegic after an accident and really appreciate his openness. Strange, i think the time helped me more than them. I enjoy being a helper and not just in the physicality of life but in its living.

My Dad later mentioned to Cami that possibly i am depressed...well, possibly but i don't think so. Looking at my situation from a few hundred miles has helped for the simple fact that i am not here indefinitely and in fact, a few months or even years is nothing and will pass quickly as long as i get off my donkey and move (or row in reference to my last entry).

So as i begin rowing again i asked myself 'is this worth even writing', should i even bother to have a blog, is anyone listening? And my answer came quickly and clearly. Yes. So much of life is not spoken, so many good words, hard sayings and encouraging words are left adrift and not put to sea to another person also on this ocean journey of life. It is like we are afraid of being real, authentic or ...connected with others. So i am going to keep on writing for myself to process and hopefully find someone out there who needs to hear what i have to say. It is strange, we like to talk about the weather, sports and the latest sales but often don't talk about what is going in deep in our souls. We hesitate possibly because we don't know what to say. I believe the words are endless and need to be spoken. I also believe often the response should be one of empathy, not answers.
So i am rowing. Searching again to connect with God and fellow travelers. Thanks for listening and for those who empathize or join me, thanks. For those who simply read or take, enjoy the ride and don't forget, you are loved.