"Home"

We arrived here stateside a few weeks back and it has a been a wonderful time of being with family, eating tasty food-some forgotten favorites...and traveling. For the last two weeks we have been here in western ohio on "the farm". The boys have been having a great time playing with new toys, riding the tractor and seeing the animals down the street. Me, well, honestly i am feeling quite displaced.

Displaced: unfamiliar with the surrounding and not belonging. I am convinced anyone can convince another for a time that he or she belongs or is comfortable in a certain surrounding but i have never enjoyed faking it. And honestly i am simply no good at it. Ask Cami, i cannot lie (even if i want to). Which brings us to last night...Cami and i were having a fight...for us it was a fight. No, there were no curses nor did we scream or even raise our voices (just not us). But we wholeheartedly disagreed about something and came to the conclusion that we were both oversensitive and feeling--unsettled, insecure or displaced. Funny after we agreed on this we did not start pointing to "you did this and made me feel..." (which is really a load of...the stuff they are spreading on the field next door)we were done, able to give each other some slack and go to sleep. It was a realization of where we were coming from and therefore we were able to give each other some mercy.

So today i was trying to get Ben to take a 'rest' and lay quiet for a few minutes and noticed he was 'secretly' putting books and stuffed animals under his pillow or under his stomach (thus making his belly rise 6 inches)and i had to laugh. I was laying on the bed reading and listening to it all (he would whisper his plan to himself) and i wouldn't even turn to him as i told him to put the things back. Of course he was surprised and didn't like it but in the end we came to an understanding. I KNEW what was going on and he simply had to obey and do what i said--which by the way was best for him.

So back to me. Displaced, oversensitive and far from home. Do i trust this is what is best for me? Yes. Do i try to do stuff to try to make myself feel better...knowing it ISN'T best for me? At times. Do i come to terms with my Father and rest? Today, yes.


Friends. Give up. We aren't as bright and together as we would like each other to think. Rest. Obey and enjoy the ride.