Speechless.

One of our supporting churches where we attended our last 4 years stateside has burned to the ground. The River Church in Poughkeepsie, NY, was our church home for a few important years for us and we feel the lose. Housed in a 100-year old building it apparently simply caught fire due to old wires or an acident and the oldest part of the church burned down.

I don't know how the church will react but am sure they will grow through the experience. They are a group of remarkable people who love Jesus, led by Pastor Marlow who is the embodiment of passion and enthusiasm for the things of God.

Pray for them as they rebuild....or find another location...or build anew.

Here is a link to the local news paper article.

http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/article/20081031/NEWS05/810310346&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL

Lilini

Went out of town this Sunday on a visit to Lilini...it was great and a real challenge as there were trees down over the 'road', riverbeds (dry now) to cross and the last 45 minutes we made a road out of a footpath. They said in the rainy season it is impassable accept by tractor or bike (which you carry through the river!).

By car we covered 30 kms in 2 hours. By foot they walk for 20-24 hours to get to the village. Needless to say they were very happy to see us. I traveled with 5 of my students and we were able to stop and encourage another church along the way.

It is dry season now so all of the harvesting is over and nothing grows. They wait for the rains to start again in December. From august to December, no rain. They call it the season of hunger. AND yet, when we left they sent us with gifts for each. One pastor got a bag of beans, i got a stalk of bananas and another got some flour. Out of their meager, subsistence they give.

Truly amazing people.

If you ever had the dream to "get off the grid" you can do it here in Moz by only driving a mere 20 miles off the paved road. They had everything they needed minus access to the outside world, medical care or our modern 'necessities' like running water and electricity. They had fruit trees, pigs, goats, chickens...in the rainy season their fields are filled with corn, manioc and peanuts. BUT, if they get really sick...or injured, they are in serious trouble.



All i can say is i pray my students will take back their understanding and knowledge to these churches in the future. They live in difficult conditions at best and little access to the outside world. They are hungry for hope and Jesus. They want to know Him, they want to have a hope in and beyond this world. I pray somehow this will be communicated to them, through me and others.

In their beautiful, but harsh setting they are willing to work, they are willing to sacrifice and be dependant on God for so much. May they truly know Him too.

Hit by a (mini) bus, broke, literally run into by a kid fleeing another accident...insulted, tired, terrified, uncomfortable and unable to go anywhere. Ben in this picture there sums up how i felt.

So after a horrendous week, i sat thinking about my friends son who died a few months ago, about the poverty i am currently experiencing, about the friends who don't write, about my son who got bit by our VERY big dog, , about my best friend in Iraq, about how daily i hear bad news here (be it robbery, sickness or death), about the distance between me and those i love...

And them i began to cry. Not out of sorrow but thankfulness. And not because of my age old retort of 'it could always be worse'...(although it could) but rather because in this time of trials and testing i find the things that matter most to me, actually matter most. My belief that God is ultimately good in all He does, that indeed in some mysterious way the Holy Spirit abides-lives -dwells in me, the relief to know that even surrounded by trouble and pain i can hear God and that when i feel most alone i am with those who love me (even in my self pity). These things matter most.

Sometimes i think we need to get real low to see what we are doing or believing. It is as if when we are feeling well we are unable to see ourselves clearly. I have the tendency to simply ignore the inner workings of my soul if only my 'out-workings' are going well. The circumstances and feelings will always move on and change. There is an perpetual motion to how our lives flow but within this we can be constant with some things--the most important things. Our faith and beliefs, our reactions and thoughts in response to hardships and pain.

I believe in grief there is a peace, in suffering there is a release of all we want. In hardship there can be great power.

We do not have to search for bad news or hardship. It is easy to find a cause to sacrifice to. But much harder is to be at peace with yourself...and with God and that is my prayer for you today. Think on what matters most to you...and may it truly be what matters most.

Chickens...

We here in nampula have a egg problem....at times you can not find them or when you do by the time they reach us they are spoiled and rotting....yes, ick. So, other missionary friends of ours imported layers adnhave been providing (selling) fresh home-grown eggs to some of us. It has been great! Well, next month the family is going home on home assignment and at the end of the week the ladies will come to live here in the little coop we made in our back yard for them.



"Yeah!" and "What am i getting myself into?" We are looking forward to having our new egg producing pets, and hey, if they don't produce, off with their heads and into the pot!

Mecuburi: A normal church visit
Went to visit the church of two of my students about 30 miles from Nampula. We traveled this interstate (really) and it was in great condition due to no rain for months, only 15 miles 'washboard'. It was really a beautiful ride through the granite hills and i enjoyed the company of one of the pastors who caught a ride with me. We talk about rites of passage, cultural issues and of course, marital issues.

We arrived at this little church outside of the village of Mecuburi and the ladies were already starting to prepare our lunch at 8:30am. This is becuase they were cooking for 'the honored missionary' and 25 people---all over a wood fire in the ground.



I was able to peruse my sermon for an hour as we waited for others to show up and i got to chat with the men about money and marital issues (hey, they bring this stuff to get my opinion). I have to say the service was nice. It is a small group and they are a independant Church of Christ, so they have autonomy. Which means they function as a group...but is also means they can function as a mob. Anyway, this group was nice and during the service indivuduals expressed their opinions and were very interested to hear mine. Funny what comes back to you when put on the spot about church governace and restoration of fallen believers.

After a very short 2 1/2 hour service we ate communially (well, men in the little shade house and women and children under the cashew tree). Lunch consisted of 'shima', which is the daily starch staple which you use as a spoon to scoop out your 'matapa' (anything made with peanuts, greens and oil) and 'caril' (anything made with some form of meat, lots of oil, tomatoes and onions). To my delight i was informed that they pulled out all the punches and bought dried shrimp....unshelled, salted, petrified, gritty baby shrimp. Ok, the flavor wasn't terrible but the chrunch and grit was a tad much. So i enjoyed the matapa and shima (really, i like the stuff). When i informed them i was gettting ready to leave i was asked to give a ride to some of the folks and said sure. So, with a car full of 10 peolpe, one chicken (their gift to me along with a bunch of sugercane and peanuts) and pots and large cooking pans on the roof i said farewell.


Who says this isn't fun?

For those of you who missed one of the most unmemorable international holidays, yesterday was in fact my birthday! And it was good. Quiet and good.

For those who sent cards and messages, thanks!

Spent the day with the family and didn't answer my cell phone! Friends came over in the afternoon for cake and a chat. It was a bittersweet time with them as they are gearing down from full-time ministry here and they will be sorely missed by many. Cami then made me hamburgers and french fries which were delicious! Oh! Almost forgot, two neighbor woman came over and out of her wrap she presented me with a traditional gift....a live chicken. So now we have one more 'pet' running around the yard. Only wonder how long the dogs and cats will leave him alone....before we eat him! hehehe



I guess the best thing i received for my birthday is the realization that i do not feel old. In fact in the things most important i am young. My love for Cami continues to grow, not diminish with time and my boys keep me wanting to play like a child. And i ever want to be closer to God. Speaking with an american friend of mine, it was funny we constantly want to improve thing, the house, the car, the marriage, the relationships.....but i find now i am truly content with what i have at the same time.

I am blessed to still be alive and loved.

So happy birthday to me. And to you as well. Enjoy the day all.

His,
Kevin

Just another dusty sunset in Nampula.
Goodnight all.

Dad, what does the devil sound like?

We had read our books, talked through the day and he wanted to know the answer. Ok, 'bible-teacher-man'...'joe-missionary'........DAD.....Ugh.

My first thought was he/it is the sweetest sound you have ever heard. But at other times it is a murmur drowning out everything. Or is it the whisper of self-righteousness or possibly it is the sound of a far fetched idea which will no doubt lead you away from a truer path. Or it is the ever-so-near sound of fear of things that are unknown--but possible....although far-fetched. Or it is an remembrance of something you have forgiven someone...the seed of bitterness creeping in? Or disappointment that things didn't go exactly how we wished/prayed or asked? Or possibly, just possibly does it sound like us talking to ourselves? alone in the dark feeling...sorry for ourselves?

You see i've been studying Ephesians as of late and come to the conclusion that this Satan/Devil/fallen-angel...is real, is crafty and very busy. The Bible uses words like 'cunning' and 'deceitful' and 'prowls around seeking whom he may devour'. Sounds rather sneaky and, well down right scary. I believe somehow he speaks to us, all of us and by any means necessary draws us away from God who loves us and wants to know us. But I think he does get tired--if he is a created being (fallen angel and all) and yet he is smart enough to know his demise is coming. He isn't a god or even close to the enormity of our creator...in fact he isn't too much different than us. Funny thought though, he was created to worship but choose not to. It appears to me that angels and man have a choice to worship and know this God the creator or...NOT. I think about this with my Toby and pray he chooses to know God. That he doesn't listen to the lies and the ideas that will lead him away form trusting and knowing this God. That he willn't rather be on his own seeking his own betterment and glory. Because that is not what he was created for, but that is another subject altogether.

So whatever it is that draws you further form the truth, whatever tempts you to not trust, whatever makes you think you are alone, worthless, not-quite-good-enough, or all powerful, really swell and in control......guess who's talkn'.

So, Toby, he sounds different to different folks but he always leads you astray either with the truth or a lie....but usually a lie...he isn't your friend and doesn't care about you at all, he is in it for himself. Don't be fooled my boy, there is only One who really loves you well and sorry to say although i try, it ain't me.

HELP needed: Cell phone advice

Ok, nothing terribly serious but i am a tad lost in this matter.

I need to buy a cell phone. Yup, technology. Funny one would think in this the 'less developed' part of the world (Mozambique) one wouldn't need one. BUT, here is the thing, we don't even have a land line. Our internet is via antenna on the roof and all our other communication is via SMS and cell calls. This is true in most of southern Africa because one can choose how much one wants to talk and know in advance what is is going to cost. Even out in the bush cell phones usually get reception and can be a lifesaver.

So, I have been looking for a qwerty, GSM, unlocked, quad-band, touch screen, camera phone.

Oh, i don't have the $500 to buy a new one so wil most likely be at the whim of ebay....and although they all look very slick and helpful but which one is better than the than the other? If you ave any experience or info please comment below!

I appreciate the advice.

Lifer

I have been a prisoner here for a long time, so long in fact all the walls have fallen down and i no longer know where my oppressors are or can even find a sign of a guard or warden. But fortunately i no longer need one. I have become so accustomed to this prison that i cannot leave. I think i like the solitude and isolation. I haven't spoken to anyone about my crime for a long time and have almost forgotten what it is. The fact is, i am comfortable here in my private little hell. Is that language to strong for you, so sorry. But, this is hell, i am isolated from those who love me. My heart is cold, beyond hurting. My tears have all been cried in a thousand attempts of rationalization, explanation and finally penance. Strangely though, i could never quite let go of the feeling of guilt. It is like i want to let go and get out of here but can't. I guess i have convinced myself i can't get out.

So here i sit. In a jail, staring at a wall with only a barred window. Funny, i heard i was actually set free long ago but couldn't believe it, so i stayed. In fact, part of me likes being guilty because then i am in control. Kind of messed up huh? I know. But if i accept this pardon, if i become free, then i am duty bound to be thankful to my liberator. So i would rather struggle through this crape by myself, remaining alone. Some would call my process 'self righteousness'. I don't know what this means, but i have a feeling it doesn't work. I do think it is easier to live here in this prison, forgetting about what i have done and just live this dismal life, than come to terms with a liberator.

But i am intrigued. This liberator. Who is this? What is in it for him? Nothing but knowing me? Strange dude. And he has the authority and power to free me...hmm. Wow, he must have some kind of connections. What, you say he didn't use them. He WHAT? You're shitn' me. He wants to take my place and set me free? This guy is crazy. What, his dad is the guy in charge, the guy who set the rules. And it is his DAD who wants to know me? Weird. But there must be another way he could have pulled this off. Wow. I am mystified. Not sure i can trust a self-sacrificing powerful individual, than again i certainly don't trust myself anymore either!

But, back to me. So, i have sat here in my filth for a long time. I know i can't get up and move on my own at this point. It is going to take a lot more than i have to offer. Like i said, i tried this self-righteous thing and it didn't work. I used to look around and see others here and think i wasn't so bad, but recently i can't find anyone...then i tried to earn my way out of here but couldn't shake the guilt thing. No matter what i did i just couldn't get rid of it. In the end i just felt more defeated and weaker than when i started. So, i sit.

Good. What do mean good!? You're saying my weakness is my hero's greatest strength and in fact his key to setting me free? So, if i don't get to the place where i know i can't escape, if i don't admit i am never going to be able to get myself free, i never will be? Geesh. Sounds confusing.

In a nutshell, the big cheese, head honcho, sends his kid in my place but it will only work if i admit i need him. Unbelievable. Strange to think all this time i have been thinking i would someday do it on my own. I thought it was the only way out. But you're telling me the very weakness i am afraid to admit, the very fear and inadequacy i hate to admit is my ticket to freedom. And this freedom isn't just a ticket out of this stinkhole but actually a invitation to know the boss. I can actually know the guy in charge? He wants to know me...that much. I better sit down and think about it for awhile.

Maybe i can accept being saved,

then again,

maybe i can't.

Well with great sadness my parents have gone home. Yes, after being in our house for six weeks we were still sad they left. Their time here confirmed that i am blessed and we are loved. There were no movie scenes of splendor or gut wrenching moments. We simply had a really good time and enjoyed each others presence....which brings us to the fact that they are now gone for at least another year and unless tragedy (or windfall!) brings us to the states we have no way to see them. So, it is with great sadness i report we had a really great time.

Between trips to the beach in Nacala, Toby's Masai birthday party (including blood-like milk and spear-throwing contests), picnics in the bush, eating out, wonderful trips to Chocas de Mar where we stayed literally 30 feet from the beach as well as a interesting and educational visit to Ilha de Mocambique (oldest western structure still standing in southern Africa outside the 500 year old Portuguese fort) we managed to spend lots of time resting and relaxing, playing with the boys.

For our last 'cultural event' we took them to was a church service in which they were presented gifts. It was wonderful to see the church we honor them. Some in the church are close friends of mine and although it was a short service (2.5 hours) they were glad to have been there and enjoy worship in a different language and culture.

Funny, i remember something like them saying the house is quiet without the kids around (me and my brother) and we kind of feel the same. It is strange not to have them here with us. So.

Farewell Mom and Dad. Thank you for all you brought, gifts, physical help, fixing stuff...but mostly thanks for bringing yourselves.

We love you.

Just a happy personal note.
I went to Kenya for a week to attend a conference. The conference was very good, the people were nice and Nairobi certainly had better shopping. YET...I was sooooo very happy to go home to mOZ. Strange, i was glad to hear Portuguese again (not quite as happy to speak it) and over all really happy to return to this somewhat 'lagging' part of the world.

Yes, i missed my wife and kids greatly and had a wonderful welcome home...to be followed by Cami leaving just three days after for SA for knee surgery. She is fine and actually, get this, picking my folks up at the airport on their way here for a visit. Yes, this was arranged. They are coming to help me and see he grandkids while Cami is down getting surgery...and will be here for weeks to follow as well when Cami is back.

So. I went away and came back, my wife left me and now my folks are coming to stay with me!

We men here are excited...but praying Cami's surgery goes well and she rushes back!

So. I may not write for a while although i want to share some thoughts from the conference.....and i will.

Until then!

Here's the numbers for you about Mozambique...and things are getting better these days!

* -It's the 4th Country with lowest development index: 0,322;
* -It's the 5th country with more cases of Malaria: 18%;
* -It is the 5th country with more people malnourished: 54%;
* -It's the 6th country with less percentage of children in school: 23%;
* -It's the 9th country with the highest rate of infantile mortality: 20%;
* -It's the 7th country with the lowest percentage of feminine literacy, compared to masculine: 48%
* -It's the 9th country with the lowest education index: 0,37;
* -It's the 10th country with more AIDS infected adults: 13%;
* -It's the 11th country with the lowest income per-cápita: 697;
* -It's the 13th poorest country. 38% live with less than 1 dollar per day;
* -It's the 15th country with the lowest life expectancy: 44 years;
* -It's the 16th country with less investment in health, per-capita: 8 dollar/year;
* -It's the 16th country with the lowest hope for healthy life: 35 years;

That's the numbers folks....come here and see for yourself. Life is HARD here. Did i mention child trafficking, widespread corruption, domestic inequality and violence?? What about (what we call) witch craft?

In all this MANY are coming to be of help. To bring love, peace, jobs, hope for this life and the future. It is exciting to not only see but be a very small part. I hope to promote some of these works here on the blog in the next few months, like the orphanage run by Moises and Connie, the chicken farm 'New Horizons, the Bible School my colleagues teach at and i will share with you about my work a little....

Stay tuned adn pray for Moz please!

"A pile of manure might be lucky enough to have a flower grow out of it, but that doesn’t change its basic nature." Unknown

My Kingdom sucks.

I have been feeling pretty good lately and then i realized my kingdom was in disarray, frazzled, chaos. I hadn't spent time with my children..nor did i really want to. My wife threw her back out while managing virtually everything with a bad knee (torn ACL and meniscus) and myself spiritually speaking, was pretty...well dead. Dried up. Tired. Don't get me wrong things are happening, the work is picking up pace, Moz'es are catching the idea of TEE and are excited. Classes have started but will triple in a few weeks. And yet my kingdom (King-of-Dumb maybe)is a mess. Funny. I thought for a while things were good, stuff was getting done, food was on the table, we got through each day...but i wasn't looking closely at my family, my friends, those i care for.

So i started thinking. What should my kingdom look like. Now i talk about kingdom and i think 'sphere of influence', not physical kingdom. What does my immediate world look like? What does the world i influence really consist of. Now for the most part my kingdom is functional and healthy. Yes, we have our problems but no-one is dying presently (in my mind losing a loved one is the only truly bad day). I had gotten meds for my street kid in the city and am trying to find him a ride home to his family. I have organized my classes and have a good plan set in motion. I am being proactive and trying to address issues that most likely will not occur for another year. So why then do i feel like things such a mess. Maybe because my greatest error was what i thought this kingdom should look like or more likely should i have a kingdom of my own t all! I thought i was in control, that i could deal with stuff and handle situations when in truth, when i try, things usually get worse. For example my careful planning has hit nothing but delays, my wife's health continues to limp along and last night my eldest, Toby (5yr old) came down with some pretty bad croup...my darling wife goes and (doesn't) sleep next to him and i start thinking maybe i am missing something here. We have bickered more lately and i have been short tempered with the boys and less apt to listen to them. I kept thinking what happens to me doesn't effect those around me. When in fact my heart, my attitude greatly affect all those around me. So what should my kingdom look like? What do i expect it to look like when i am a mess?

So i went back to the Book. It says Jesus was near his home town and the surrounding area and after a while he started saying stuff like, 'the kingdom of God is like a...juice box'. Ok, so he didn't day 'juice box' but what he did say is just as weird to me. All three synoptic gospels (those that are similar and agree for the most part) mention the interaction in which Jesus says the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, yeast, a treasure, a merchant or pearl and a net. In all inferences there seems to be something missing. The big, flashy, awe-inspiring WOW of the greatness of the kingdom. Although one is treasure it is buried and kept hidden withinthe filed. In each of the others the kingdom is diminutive and small (yeast and seed) or at best it costly but not real noticeable (pearl). I wonder on this because i always thought kingdoms, 'spheres of influence' would be noticeable, like a big neon sign over your head.
"YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE KINGDOM OF...BE YE INFLUENCED ". I kept thinking it was mine...that i knew how to manage a kingdom. I read the books on being influential and leadership...i fell for the lies.

In all my plans, all my 'influence', i never sought to be inconspicuous. I wanted to be noticed, if not noticed, at least influential, when all along Jesus was saying 'serve', 'do it quietly', 'be like me, incredibly powerful but never drawing attention to my self.' So, i have ended up back on my knees realizing to lead i need to serve, to guide and influence my children, my wife, my teammates and students, i have to become LESS. More than that i need to be living for another King...and His kingdom, His way.

So maybe it isn't my kingdom at all that i need to find. Maybe i will find His kingdom kneeling next to kid as he sleeps and praying over him. Or doing the dishes and organizing the dinner so my wife won't have to think about it. Maybe it is about treating those things/people who are dearest to me with the utmost gentleness and care...and doing it quietly. Maybe in this kingdom--His kingdom there should be limit to how loud one should be. Maybe, just maybe, I will find those things which are most dear, those pearls, treasures in the quiet--revolutionary kingdom. Being a servant i will find others receive peace and worth and joy. When i treasure those moments with friends or the laughing with Toby and Ben, then i will be a good influence. Remember the inference to a net, maybe when i spread kindness and dare i say sacrificial love, like a net falling where it may i will affect others. I tell you this sounds a lot easier than having to rule a kingdom and have it all figured out and be in control (in a controlling way). There is freedom and joy in this kingdom. Peace and reliance on God in this kind of living.

Now that would be a place i want to live. I'm giving it a new try....

Bom, Macacu and Ime fyne.

The words of my youngest son just, 'get me'. You know what i mean? I wonder if our unintelligible words delight God? You know, when you bump your foot or you have a moment of clarity and just mutter in amazement.
And you know that sparkle in the eye of your child. I hadn't seen it for a while and i bet ya God sees it in us everyday. I have been so...busy (stupid/undisciplined) i haven't taken the time to enjoy my kids. I haven't sat on the bed and let them jump on me or 'rastle' with my 5yr old! What is wrong with me? and then i keep thinking that the same thing that is wrong with me and my relationships here is wrong with my relationship with God. I'm telln' ya, 5 minutes with God in the am isn't enough. I want more. More damn it.
And then Jesus came and said "YES, me too". God said, "I want more, I want to be with you like back when in the garden when you didn't know you were naked....when we walked together."
And i mutter unintelligible words and He understands and even delights in them. He loves me. He sees the sparkle in my eye. He knows me and loves me anyway.

So thank you God for Ben. Thank you for Toby. Thank you for reminding me who i am to you.

Peace all over you out there.

You will never have the life you see in the movies.

Stop it. Stop kidding yourself. You will not be glamorous or walk down some red carpet in Hollywood. You will not be greeted by dignitaries or world leaders. You will not be handed wads of cash and have a bottomless bank account. You will not own your own jet or island. You will most likely not be rich and famous. Get over it. Deal.

You will have to do your own laundry. You will have to pay for car repairs and fly economy class. You will struggle to make ends meet and probably go into debt sometime or another. You may have a wonderful spouse and family but will have days of sadness and days when the kids are driving you absolutely crazy.

This is called life. It is not the end.

For the most part we spend our time doing the boring daily stuff. Life is usually not exciting. For this traveler life usually feels like…well, work. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my life and am very happy with my job, my wife and kids and how most of my days go. But…but, sometimes I am fooled to think that I should be living some different life. I shouldn’t have to work so hard to make ends meet or to maintain a relationship. Sometimes, sometimes I am even tired of being religious. There are days it seems like a long one-way conversation with God with Him off doing his own thing; like playing perfect golf or If He were me (and I am glad He s not) He would be out riding the motorcycle, playing volleyball or basketball, even out spear fishing (and actually getting some beauties to roast over the fire…hmmm, didn’t he cook fish on the shore somewhere?).

Some days are just hard. The bills pile up the debt somehow gets out of control, the family is a mess and I (we?) sit and wonder, “What happened here?” And then to make it worse we see some add or some tv show or worse yet, a Hollywood movie and our mind starts thinking crazy stuff, that our lives would be better if they were like those in the movies. Better. Now here is the thing. All those things, adds, tv, movies…ARE NOT REAL.

So I need to remind myself, what IS real. What is real is my family and although we can drive each other nuts we have a love, a bond which is not crazy or fake or fabricated. My wife loves me. Really. I know, I am amazed as well. I do have friends. They do care. That is real. The debt, the tooth ache, the screaming kids, and well sure they are real too but are also passing.

So back to not being rich or famous…still stands. The majority, like 99.9999% of us will not be famous. But to those who love you. You are. You are a king to your kids. You are a hero to your wife when you walk in early from work hand her flowers and after dinner do the dishes. Your kids, shoot man, they think you are superman…wonder woman.
So, you are. Money, interpersonal crap…it will happen, but remember what is most important, what is real is those around you.

On being tired of being religious. Well. Stop being religious and start talking to God, start thanking Him for the air you breath, start reading stuff He designed for you to read. Spend time with Him instead of wishing it were something different. Stop comparing, start living the real life.

And know, that to me, you are all fabulous. Keep the faith and keep it real.

His
Kevin

Well, it is dawn here and i am alone and awake. The roosters are crowing, the folks are carrying their straw and wood and whatnot on their heads to town to sell up our long hill and i thought i should share a little.
Things here have been...well, hot, muggy and never as you plan. My best laid plans to visit a certain pastor or to go somewhere to preach or teach seem to always be interupted by something else. And that doesn't include the car repairs, house projects and the catastropies of the boys!
So lately i have felt a bit 'dangled' and at times like someone was dunking me deeper and longer to see how long i could tread water or hold my breath. It has been exhausting. I felt i was doing pretty good until i realised the some of the things i was doing. Like; not praying, not reading my Bible, not spending time with other followers of Jesus and not getting any time to be quiet. Now when i saw this i was truly discouraged. And i began to assess and think about what my situation was really. What i found was wonderful.
All this time i felt tested and like someone, ok, God was doing something to me, all the while i was being was held by Him. I wasn't being lowered or dunked but the water was rising and falling, storm surges if you will. I wasn't being tested to see if i would drown, but was being pulled out before i did. This thin thread i was hanging on was in fact saving my life. Like a puppet realising he is indeed free to move around but the master is going to hold the strings for his own safety... If the puppet runs hard and fast enough the master will not fight with him and he can break free, but will surely drop in a crumpled mess in the dirt. This is me.
The conclusion was quite refreshing, giving me hope and freedom. In fact it gave me peace. I am being constantly rescued. Drawn OUT of the troubles, pulled from the wreackage before it is too late and only need to trust the one holding the string (or lifeline). Ah, but there lies the problem. Trust. Life does look harsh and unfreindly at times. People can be cruel and hurtful and we can choose to blame the one holding the string or accept that this world is hard. I have freinds that say the world will become a better a place by people coming to Christ and following him and his ways. I have other freinds who say the world is going to continue to get worse until Jesus returns and cleans up the mess. Now, i do not know which is true (decide for yourself, but didn't Jesus say 'in this world we would have trouble...and followed it by saying he overcame it'?-apply that!). Before we get theological i would rather let the question go and trust the one who holds me. I would rather follow Jesus, do what he did and make my littel world better while dangling. And to do that, to trust in the one who holding the strings is tough unless we get to know him. Spend time with him, read his stuff, feel the way he feels, and see things the way he sees them. Look at what he has done in the past.
So here i am spending some time with Him and i have to tell you, it is pretty nice to spend time with someone who cares for me more than i have capacity to understand. So if you feel like you are dangling, look up and trust who is holding you.
Until next time.
His,
Kevin

You ever feel the journey takes longer some days than others? I do.

We just returned from a truly special Christmas with friends south of us and an equally pleasant and restful vacation in Malawi, unfotunately we had to retunr to Mozambique and the problems and challenges we left behind. And they seemed to have multiplied while we were gone (not nice). So i was thinking of all then things i have to get done and all that lies ahead of me and was feeling a bit overwelmed when i remembered some things i have learned in the past...if not repeatedly had to relearn!
1.Life is about relationships. Everything else is bonus or distraction. THis thought came back as i have been reading Donald Miller's book, Searching for God knows what. I have always liked his...well unorthodox way of thinking and he resonated with me over this issue of relationship. HE states we were created to be relationship with God (remember in the garden before the fall, God walked and talked with Adam...)and after the fall we are all born with this need, this hole. Funny even before the fall Adam was given the job to name the creates and couldn't find a suitable helper. He was lonely! He named all the animals--which probably took a LONG time and could not find one to fill the longing in his soul. Okay, so form the begining we find we need GOd and other to be close to us, to be known by them and them to know us. THis is relationship.
2. Priorities are not burdensom. They are things we put first becuase they have the most value. Family, spending time with God. Taking care of our bodies. These are all things we need to set us priorities but not let them become burdens.
3. Lastly. This journey will end here on earth some day. We will not get another chance to do it over if we don't like the weay it turns out. This is our time, our shot at getting it right. Right now, this moment.

These are things i have been pointedly reminded of lately and although i never have been able to follow through on 'resolutions'(these are not resolutions), i can remember when the journey gets difficult and long there are some simple guidelines. I believe God does want us to be happy, but in relation ship to Him and others first, everything else will get done...eventually.

For now it is time to work on the truck, fix the leaking roof, weed the garden, build some gutters and resolve some drainage problems...but we all know hwat i need to do first.