Jill
My favorite, closest aunt died two weeks ago. It came an s a surprise even though we all knew her death was imminent. She had battled terminal cancer for three years with grace and a bit of style. Whenever her doctor would allow she went on trips including a cross-country trip during which she visited many of her friends. She was a generous person with all her resources, she cherished her relationships with everyone and more than many, lived her life with compassion and deliberateness. I will miss her. Jill was one of a kind.

What I don’t know is if she knew Jesus. I know she knew of and about him, she attended church all her life, she followed the ‘rules’ of the Christian life and did many good things, but I don’t know if she had a relationship with him. I also don’t think it is important that I know….all I want, selfishly, is to know I will see her again. The Bible never talks of having a relationship with Jesus yet he speaks through the gospels as if we should be intimate with Him (“if you know me you will know the father who sent me…”and other references in John). It seems to me if we live like him, we will know him, but there holds something even more in the Christian life. So, maybe she is in heaven, sitting at the feast table, staring into the eyes of Jesus getting her questions answered.

I have been slack lately in pursuing my relationship with him. I have been lazy and preoccupied. But maybe, just maybe, he hasn’t. Does God act on our behalf? Does he seek us out? Does he care when we don’t take the time to know him? I believe the answer is yes and even more so I believe he wants to know us, he wants us to be like him. HE reminds us if we listen, if we are paying attention.

I was surprised by the quick end to my aunts’ life and as I reflect I do not want people to wonder if weather or not I know Jesus. But to do this I need to take the time, be deliberate and value all my relationships. I will start with him…

Thank you Jill. Enjoy the party.

This Ben, my younger guy who has absolutely no problem living in the moment!

Harmony…synchronicity

I recently read someone talking about being in tune, being in harmony with their surroundings. And thought if we handle situations as they come and maintain a certain composure we will be in sync because…here it is, what happens around us is not happening in us.

I don’t want to be in snyc with the world, I don’t want to be at peace with my surroundings necessarily. I would rather have inner peace which can transcend my surroundings, that can get beyond the horrors of war, suffering and pain. I want an inner peace that takes those things, those cicumstances and reaches deeper and prays and cares for the sick and wounded. I don't want to ignore the poverty or wealth, the joy or anguish but i want to bring it to the love the of God…as if i could be Christ brindging the gap... kind of like what He did often inthe gospels.

I want to be the kind of person and that lives in the in the moment, that can live in any situation with the state of my soul being in snyc with what really matters. Going beyond myself and reaching the situation and more importantly, the people around me.

I think this is how Christ was. He did see the needs around him but wasn’t over wrought or disconcerted. In fact when he did express his sorrow or cry it was because he felt the despair of others, and even over Jerusalem he shared the grief and love the father has for His people.

Interesting. Most new age and even many Christians are now saying we should live in peace and harmony with our world. We should ‘be at one’ and ‘have harmony with those around us’. Maybe harmony isn’t the right word. Maybe we should speak into the pain, confusion and emptiness around us. Maybe we should be coming from another place. A place where Christ rules our hearts. Where self-sacrifice is king. Where what happens in this world isn't accepted but addressed and brought to the grace, mercy and love of God.

I want to live in each moment without regret of not doing something or fear of what is to happen next. This is what I want. I want to be, an ever-present, real person in sync with my creator, dispensing librally the love and joy of God to all around me....

I have a long way to go (obviously)

I cannot not comment today on a phrase I have been hearing lately. I was speaking to a fellow believer today and she mentioned that her friend was a 'good Christian women' and on the news I heard a reporter commenting that it was sad to hear some 'good Christian girls' had been talking about how many men they had slept with. Now, don't get me wrong, it is a shame young Christian women do not follow the teachings of their faith (or lie about breaking them to fit in) and there are certainly believers who follow closer to the ways of Jesus than others. But my question or problem really is this, are any of really 'good'.

I know myself and I can tell you that I suck. I make mistakes and fail to live as Jesus taught daily, does this make me 'bad'. No. I believe as scripture teaches that we all suck (read the book of Romans) and don't live up to the way God intended and in fact cannot even approach Him without help--serious help. The difference between the follower of Jesus (like me) and those who choose not follow, is that we believe Jesus has made a way, through his perfection, death and resurrection we can now not only approach God but have a living relationship with Him. The unbelievers on the other hand cannot have this relationship.

Does this make me or any believer BETTER than the unbelievers. No. In fact our similarities are still present and our passion should be to introduce them to Jesus and what he has done for us, not out of a superiority complex or pity but out of humility knowing who we are and love and gratitude to Jesus.

Okay, I rant. It just seems to me in such a 'Christian culture' as the USA it sounds at times that we have lost the essence of our faith and begin to make the call of 'good' and 'bad' by our own standards. Isn't that God's job?

By the way, I may suck but I tell you God sure loves me, and for that I am and will be eternally grateful! If you want to know this love let me know!