A word from Kevin....

2012-01-18T21:38:00.000+03:00

As I crawled around the floor mopping up water I began to get slightly…agitated. It just wasn’t fair. It reminded me of an a feeling a week earlier when I was doing the millionth batch of dishes, after just completing load 6 of laundry (which to dry in rainy season is…a challenge to get dry) and I looked to my right and Cami was laying on our comfy bed watching a movie happily. A feeling crept up in me which I think we can call “a scream against primal injustice”. I knew she couldn’t help due to her 2nd herniated disk…poor thing—really. I had mentally reviewed my marriage vows and did remember something about sickness and health. But none of this made me feel any better.

So as I slopped around the floor for over an hour my back began to hurt and my soul began to sense bitterness creeping in. (Cami had left our laundry machine tap on—we have a manual feed, twin tub-- so had flooded the house). I had been struggling to find peace in this change of plans as coming back from our Christmas break I had wanted to start more classes and get out more with my students but with Cami limited I needed to stay home to take care of the boys, her, the house and everything else (new land, car repairs, floods…). I had been feeling well, you now, the “well with my soul” kind of good with my daily devotions becoming more, well, daily, started being more deliberate with devotions for the boys in the ams. So why was I feeling this way? What could I do about it?

So I decided to put on my ipod and listen to some music and an amazing thing happened. I was humbled, lifted and empowered. Let me tell you how.

I began by telling you how I had been feeling and yet I carried on and did the work. I accepted the praise of my friend’s wives and those around who know what it takes to live here in northern Mozambique. I took solace in knowing others thought good of me and my sacrifice. I somehow felt encouraged by the praise of others and well of myself.

So as I listened to “I boast no more” by Ceadmons Call it began to dawn on me that I was missing the point. Worse than missing the point, all that I can possibly do, for Cami or to make others think better of me or even for Christ’s glory is nothing, absolutely nothing. I offer trash before the King of the universe and say, ‘how’s that?”. Oh, the shame, the subtle boasts we lay at God’s feet. The horror of thinking that I had possibly something worth offering to God for it is only through Christ I am saved, it is only due to him that ANYTHING I do is pleasing to God. “The best obedience of my hands, dares not appear before thy throne”. So I then repented and continued to mop with my towel, sweat and tears falling on the floor. I began to see that even in this lowly act I can glorify Him and for Him I must act. I began to change again, to be transformed. I had moved my soul back into a trajectory with my God.

Brother Lawrence wrote a book I read when I first became truly serious in my journey with Christ as my savior. Called The Practice of the Presence of God (if you have never read it you can find a free version here at http://www.practicegodspresence.com/brotherlawrence/index.html). It changed me then and I was reminded of the simple practice of seeking and living in His presence, of actively being a living sacrifice and conversing with Him constantly, of making the presence of God something like breathing, organic and natural. Oh, how I had lost this. Oh, how far I was from the simple act. I had ventured far into wanting to gain merit and seek praise, in the humblest of ways. Oh, to rest in Him, it is what I had longed for.

And then came the joy. “I boast no more of the duties I have done, quit the hopes I held before to trust the merits of thy son.” Due to Christ alone I could be accepted and stand before God and worship. A life made worthy by Him and Him alone. Mopping the floor, wiping my wife’s brow as she vomits, chasing the monkeys into bed, fixing the truck…
All for His glory and because of Him I can do these things.

I boast no more.

2011-07-25T20:46:00.008+03:00

GPS or Map.

As i have covered a fair portion of the eastern seaboard and out to Ohio in the last few months i have become somewhat dependant on my GPS. It tells me where to turn, when to turn and how to go in any particular direction. It has been strange really, as someone who enjoys reading and following maps, to only know what lies a short distance ahead.

I remember being a kid in the back seat, continually asking "are we there yet", i remember constantly thinking of the destination, being transfixed by the memory of the last time we were at the Jellystone Campground or the first time we went to Disney Magic Kingdom and replaying the commercials in my mind. Even going to Africa i was always thinking ahead to where and who we would be working with (even now). The 'between' was almost insignificant, all that mattered was the destination and getting there any way we could...But it appears that this has all changed.

I have sensed within me a change in that now the 'here to there' is just as important as the destination itself. It is almost as if the destination has lost it's importance. The journey must be as entertaining, as economical and as easy as possible. Almost to the point where the goal has lost its value.

Maybe we in this age of GPS, high speed Internet, instant news and online shopping have forgotten where we are actually going (what we are living for). Where is it all leading us to? I have to say, Cami and i did some 'cost assessment' of going back to Mozambique and honestly, it was hard. We know what the journey entails, we know where this road leads and it is sometimes uncomfortable if not very unpleasant. But, and here is what makes it all worth while, the destination, the goal is empowering a life, healing a broken spirit and seeing people return to wholeness. If you are asking what i am talking about i am speaking of having a right relationship with God, of knowing him and living a life you were designed for, created for. To be at peace with God. That goal, leading people to know and love God, living a life to glorify him, must always be in front of me--in front of us as believers. If we are overwhelmed and consumed by the journey, if cannot see five steps ahead, if we are not conscious of our goal or destination, what good is enjoying the ride?

So the GPS method isn't necessarily bad, to watch each step, to look only a few paces ahead is a good thing, but you have to have to the end in mind. We have got to know where we are going, clearly before us or the journey may just kill us.

Are we really ready to travel the byroads, dark alleys and dangerous curves to accomplish something bigger than ourselves? Are we ready to see the destination and know deep down the sacrifice of our pride, our selfish will and let go of thinking we know better than God himself (read his book...he spells so much out)that we can live a proactive, thoughtful, introspective and compassionate life for God.

I don't know about you, but i am willing to try.

2011-05-03T18:05:00.002+03:00

Learning still.

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.[a]
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.” Job 1:21

Blessed be the name of the Lord,
when i am found with headaches and viruses that willn't quit.

Blessed be His name when i am running a half marathon,

Blessed be His name when i am looking at support shortages with no (worldly) hope of reaching.

Blessed be His name when the generosity of others surprises us.

Blessed be His name remembering my Tabitha dying in my arms.

Blessed be the name of the Lord when i am tired and discouraged.

Blessed be His name as i prepare to return home to be confronted again by suffering and confusion.

Blessed be His name as i walk yet another day with the creator of the universe.

1 Praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD, you his servants;
praise the name of the LORD.
2 Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.
3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.

4 The LORD is exalted over all the nations,
his glory above the heavens.
5 Who is like the LORD our God,
the One who sits enthroned on high,
6 who stoops down to look
on the heavens and the earth? Psalm 113

Funny what a change of perspective can do. Turn your eyes on the author and perfecter of your faith. See Him for who he is and worship Him.

Blessed be His name. This is our God. This is our help and assurance.
Blessed be His name.

2011-04-20T17:45:00.002+03:00

I have been mulling on this section of the disciples journey with Jesus for a while and have gotten to preach on it twice. So, maybe as we remember Jesus suffering adn dieing for us this week....and then rising from the dead (!) take some time and think about who he is to you.

30 Miles north...

Do you remember playing follow the leader? Wasn’t it the popular kid (yes there was popular kids in kindergarten) and the extent you thought he or she was cool or trusted the person you would follow them anywhere. But there was no shortcut or avoidance of the hard stuff, the monkey bars, the swamp….you had to go through it or you were out, cut off, blackballed on the playground.

I was thinking about this as i read the account in Mathew 15 and 16 of Jesus with his disciples only a few weeks before his passionate entry to Jerusalem.
If you read Mathew 15 we find Jesus and his crew on the shore of Galilee. For three days the people brought him their wounded and their sick. Eventually they were hungry and Jesus could take it no more and he turned to his guys and said, "feed them." They hemmed and hawed a little but eventually gave Jesus what they had and he fed everybody! Jesus, most likely being pretty tired decided it was a good time to leave and they left to Magadan only to be confronted by Pharisees and Sadducees who demanded sign (everybody wants a sign!). He turns to them and says, “Nearly three years have gone by and still you cannot see who I am”. I think it is safe to say Jesus was fed up. So he tells them "the only sign you're going to get is the sign of Jonah"...What was the sign of Jonah? 3 days/3nights and rise again and we all know saddly, they didn't understand it in the end either.

So, at this point Jesus is fed up and decides to head back across where is confronted by his own disciples lack of understanding. They couldn't get their mind of of lunch and Jesus had to sit them down and spell it out for them. Funny how often Jesus spoke of spiritual mattes and people simply missed it. In John 3 Nicodemus wonders how he can be born again--literally. In John 4 the woman at the well wants a bucket of the living water stuff and in John 6 the crowds don't want to be cannibals so almost everyone takes off. Jesus tries repeatedly to get us off the physical and into the spiritual. How often do we miss it to?

What struck me was that at this point Jesus decides to take his boys for a walk. Thirty miles north, out of the way. They head away from Jerusalem to a place called Ceaseria Phillipi (CP). Now we find Jesus is retreating to be with his disciples
to an ancient pagan area. Now, there was this valley/canyon where the Greeks believed was the ‘gateway to Hades’. There was a spring in the bottom and they built a temple there. Pagans came from all over to worship and make sacrifices. And it is here is where Jesus puts the question to his disciples.

“Who do the people say the Son of Man is?” (v. 13)

So how do they respond? Well they start giving the 3rd person answers. "Some say it was John", "others say it was Elijah," and still others say it was Jeremiah". Each answer was good, not the right answer, but not bad. John, prepared the way for Christ, calling for repentance and holiness, Elijah was a man of prayer and Jeremiah was a suffering man of God. Each was a good answer coming from a Jew of the time but each was missing the completeness and entirety of Jesus is. After all they had seen, all they had witnessed firsthand Jesus brought them to the point of declaration.

You can see them walking along talking about the conversations that were happening around them. Maybe people came up next to them and joined in...but what Jesus wanted to know was "what about you, who do you say I am?” The third-person is wimpy way out isn’t it? Up until now Jesus let them get away with it. But he knew they had to OWN the answer.

And our dear, favorite foot-in-mouth disciple, Peter answers not flippantly but strongly….”You are the Christ”, (the Messiah, Anointed One, the son of the living God). And Christ turns to Peter and you can almost feel the excitement in Jesus' words, "you are right, you didn't understand this from any human understanding!"
He didn’t ‘get it’ because he was with Jesus 3 years, or went to seminary or because he had a great mentor or a BIG Bible…or even that he studied and memorized the words of Jesus, but because the Father revealed it to him. (It is all about grace isn't it?! Even our poor understanding is a gift!).

On this declaration of who he is Jesus says the church will prevail. Build on this "rock" petria (bedrock) on Christ the Son of the living God. Nothing will replace it, stand against it or overcome it. Not "petros" (rock-Peter) but the declaration of who Christ is.“And the gates of Hades will not prevail against it” (16 v.18) Interesting point here that a gate is defensive, the church should be offensive--aggressively bringing light into darkness. Attacking the forces of evil...and prevailing (hmmm).

So we would imagine at this point the disciples were pretty pumped and ready to go…but what does Jesus say? “SHHHHH, don't tell anyone” v. 20.

WHAT!? It makes sense knowing now that Jesus would go on to take up all our sin and bear it on a tree, die in our stead and rise victorious over death. It wasn't time yet. He hadn't done all he set out to do.

So what did happen? “And from that time on Jesus went on to explain…that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things and be killed and on the third day raise again” (v. 21) Jesus would go on explaining it to them for at least 100 miles of walking. There were no iPods, radios, DVDs in the car…cars, they didn’t even travel by camel!
Now remember who Peter was, obviously Peter didn’t like to hear such things… it says he pulled Jesus aside and rebuked him. A loving, affectionate rebuke, really, and Jesus answers him equally sweetly? Not really. Jesus turns to one of his closest friends and says, “Get behind me Satan” (v. 23). Simon, had spoken from a worldly perspective, he had revealed the mind of the enemy. But in the same moment i can see Jesus then putting his arm around Peter’s shoulder, everyone is quiet, (maybe they heard the words of Jesus and they were stunned), but Jesus gazes at the rest of the followers and seizes the moment and turning to the rest of the disciples and says, “If anyone would come after me he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me”.(V.24).

Deny yourself, ice cream? Luxury? No, deny yourself…your desires and rights.

"If you say i am the Christ, voluntarily, completely follow me, where-ever i lead you."

This was the call, the appeal, the offer. To renounce everything we are, ever were or are to be and be completely utterly his. To submit to his words and teaching. To renounce our previous ways isn’t enough. This was total surrender and the Jewish nature in these guys understood it. They had just heard the rah-rah speech given to Peter and were pretty pumped. Jesus here calls for a little more seriousness here.
It as if Jesus was saying, "This kingdom of love and grace and freedom you have found in me will grow but you must decide who I am, voluntarily come, deny yourself and submit to my words faithfully….until the end".

Jesus had taken them 30 miles north of where they were spiritually to confront them with a decision. To decide who he really was to them. He took them there, somewhere special, to tell them something pivotal, important and empowering.

Follow the leader. If we believe WHO Jesus is we will DO what he asks of us and go where He leads us. So this Easter, stop and ask yourself,

Who do you say He is?

2011-03-17T19:52:00.001+03:00

Happy St. Patrick's day y'all out there.

"Hence I cannot be silent, and indeed I ought not to be, about the many blessings and the great grace which the Lord has deigned to bestow upon me." St. Patrick

Green jello, green beer...green eggs and ham?....

I think we have a lot more to be thankful for.

Thank God.

2011-03-15T17:50:00.003+03:00

Wow. Trip down memory lane. Cami and i have decided it was time to either digitize or dump a lot of old files, articles, sermons and stuff we have had in storage for years! So as we purge we remember all we have gone through, all God has done for us and in us. It has been emotional t times and baffling at other times. I will be putting some stuff here on the blog just to share. Here are a few quotes and lyrics that have traveled with me.

To be young.
"Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means the predominance of courage over timidity, of adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of sixty more than in a boy of twenty. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.
Years may wrinkle the skin but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear and despair--these bow the heart and turn the spirit back to dust. Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every human beings heart the love of wonder, the sweet amazement at the stars and the star-like things, the undaunted challenge of events, the unfailing child-like appetite for the what-next, and the joy of the game of living. In the central place of every heart there is a recording chamber. So long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer and courage, so long are you young. When your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and then only, are you grown old. And then, indeed as the ballad says, you just fade away.You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair." Douglas McArthur

This is the way love is..
"When i gave up--you help up.
When i ran out--you filled up.
When i kept running--you kept up.
When i let you down--you lifted me up.

When i couldn't find the words--you understood.
When i couldn't find the time--you were in no hurry.
When i couldn't make ends meet--you tied them together.
When i cheated-----you kept to the rules.

When i was keeping it in-- you were giving it out.
When i was losing out--you let me come back.
When i was holding back--you were holding on.
When i was losing my cool--you were keeping your love warm.

I kept it all to myself like a miser holds on to his last dime.
I closed myself up like a desperate man upon the lifeline.
I was blind, dried, wrapped up in my pride.
This is the way it is when you are on the wrong side.

This is the way love is--it's a one-sided, double-minded mirror with no reflection."

The 77's

2011-03-13T00:07:00.002+03:00

Use your powers for good not evil!

This is a report or better yet reflections on a book I just finished. It has challenged me to think deeply about what we do there in Africa. Happily I can report I was edified and in many ways confirmed that what we teach and the style and philosophy of Theological Education by Extension is addressing the core of the problem, not simply treating the symptoms of our brokenness.

The book, "When Helping Hurt: How to Alleviate Poverty without Hurting the Poor and Yourself” by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert begins by stating the book is a work of cumulative effort and years of trying to make the best impact for Christ while trying to help the most hurting and needy in this country as well as the 2/3s or majority world (as they call it) while damaging the least. I appreciate this because it was not the latest-greatest idea that made this book resonate with me but rather the thoughtful, at times painful, admission that so often, we in the west get relief, development and rehabilitation so terribly wrong.

It begins by laying a premise that the earth and all that are in it are broken. Our relationship with God, each other, creation and even our understanding of who we are created to be and for is damaged due to the fall as stated in Genesis. This four dimensional problem or brokenness is/will be resolved through only one means; that is Christ and his redemptive work on the cross and activity in our lives. The book builds on Col. 1:15-20 that ‘all things will be reconciled to Christ’ and although this sounds good I would have to study the text more fully support his wide sweeping use of ‘all things’ and what it entails to be reconciled.

(Funny so often I find myself going back to Richard Niebuhr’s great book ‘Christ and Culture’ in which he delineates how one views Christ’s effect on culture and vice-versa.
The five major definitions being as stated below.
Christ against Culture. For the exclusive Christian.
Christ of Culture. For the cultural Christian,
Christ above Culture. For the synthesist,
Christ and Culture in Paradox. For the dualist
Christ Transforming Culture. For the conversionist,
Because, how we view Christ’s effectiveness and influence shapes how we view not only scripture but the world as well and what effect one has on the other)

So…Corbett/Fikkert believe the saving, reconciling work of Christ is all inclusive and therefore the church should be addressing each facet of human existence in which it finds itself in order to renew and ‘right’ the relationships. I agree with them but would clarify that much of the reconciling will only be done upon Christ returning to earth to judge and renew.

A statement I do appreciate very much is that they state much of the pain and suffering is due to a failure to apply a Biblical worldview to life and practice. This failure results, as we know too well, in broken relationships, broken systems of government and a twisted society as a whole. It does not take a genius to figure this stuff out, but it is nice the authors took the time to put it succinctly into writing.

So how does this all apply to poverty and human suffering? Easy, if, as they state, ‘poverty is a feeling of helplessness and powerlessness (the inability to choose)’ (paraphrased) then reestablishing people to be the image-bearers of God, gifted and of valuable, each persons’ outlook and attitude is bound to change. Yet if we continue to simply treat the symptoms of brokenness nothing will ever change.

Not only this, but we ‘the powerful’ (western, i.e. wealthy in time, cash, choice and power) create in ourselves a ‘god-complex’ in which we feel we are solving others’ problems and in fact at times exacerbate the feeling of powerlessness in others as we neither train, teach or imbue others with the truth of their own value and abilities.

There is an entire chapter dedicated to avoiding paternalism. It is assumed once we understand how we commit paternalism we will be equipped to avoid it.
We can do more harm than good when we do for people what they can do for themselves. Often paternalism is found in the form of resources but also in spirituality, knowledge, labor and managerial organization.

The book states that often short-term missions as well as much of relief and development work is done on an incorrect premise. That is, often we believe what the people need is relief when in fact what they need is rehabilitation or development (both longer term and more relational than relief). The three are often confused and in an effort to get more bang for our buck or a power emotional experience we don’t take the time and think things through carefully enough.

For definition:
Relief is urgent and temporary, what people cannot do for themselves (stop the bleeding).
Rehabilitation is working to restore to the pre-crisis level with the individuals
Development is moving the people to complete reconciliation in all relationships

Relief then by definition is doing for others what they are unable to do for themselves, similar to handling a trauma situation. If you think about it, by the time we westerners react and do charitable things often the situation is well beyond trauma and moved into rehab. An equation he uses to help is that effective relief should be seldom, immediate and temporary.

Rehabilitation, being the next step after the bleeding is stopped is the pursuit to reestablish the group to pre-crisis state. He lists some best-practices for good rehab which all involve being relational and connected to the group one seeks to minister to and help.
1.Ensure participation in the assessment, design, implementation and evaluation of the program
2.Conduct an initial assessment plan and strategize with the fact (resources present) in mind.
3.Respond when the needs are unmet locally.
4.Target assistance based on vulnerability and need.
5.Aid workers must possess appropriate qualifications, attitudes and experience for the job.

Development therefore being the most inclusive and far-reaching endeavor should require the most amount of time and strategy to best grow and train (disciple) people into being all that God intended. This development then takes on the auspices of not only humanitarian but Biblical teaching and training!

The last few chapters of the book focus on how to access and develop a strategy for finding out not only the needs of the community but the resources and strengths that lie therein. This is a positive approach and empowers individuals and communities to take ownership and pride in the decisions they make and fruit seen as a product of the work.

An interesting continuum is given near the end of the book. It is a continuum of participation. Think about your own giving, your churches ministry or a local charity you know of and then try to see where they fit.

Coercion (outsider predetermined) doing to
Compliance (outsider incentive motive) doing for
Consultation (outsider options given) doing for
Cooperation (partial shared responsibility) doing with
Co-learning (insider directed) doing with
Community Initiative (inside ownership) responding to

It is easy to see how when an idea or ‘betterment’ is given from the outside the local community the community does not have the inclination or empowerment to claim it for their own and therefor the program or idea often fails to survive long term.

In the end, if all our efforts should be directed at reconciling in a fourfold manner, then the key would have to be relationship and near the end of his discourse Steve writes,

“Participation is not just the means to an end but rather a legitimate end in itself”

My conclusion, I agree and would encourage anyone who is in ministry or gives in support of a ministry to read this book. If our relationship with God and others is healed we will have peace with God, not guilt and we will do good to our neighbor. If I know who I am in Christ, what abilities and gifts he has given me I will continually change for the good and use my ‘powers’ for the good of all those around me not simply for selfish reasons or glorification but to be part of the reconciling process….or relationship. And lastly if I see the world as a gift, as an environment in which I was designed to thrive and be a blessing, willn’t I treat it better and fight for its protection, as well as see how to be the best steward of what little piece is mine?
Reconcile. Fix what is broken and be part of the healing.
Use your powers for good people.

2011-03-10T22:19:00.003+03:00

"Why be missionary?

It has been a strange and wonderful furlough (time away from field-but not away from work). We have been surprised and refreshed during our visits and encouraged by the care and love expressed to us in so many ways.

Also I have been surprised by a recurring theme we hear from those who have listened to our stories and maybe know more about the hardships we have gone through our first term there in Mozambique. The question repeatedly comes up; ‘Why? Why go through all that?’ Or stated in another way, ‘I could never do that, you guys are amazing.’ To put few things to rest, I will start with the second statement. We are not amazing. Obedient, maybe, most of the time, but far from amazing. The ‘why’ I will answer below, but first I need to set the stage in case you are unfamiliar with our place of ministry or hardships we have faced.

To name a few hardship;
-Mozambique. 14 Million people, extreme poverty and constant challenge to life in almost every aspect. I love it. It's people, it's dirt, roads that are mostly horrendous, water that is tan out of the tap, electricity that runs...most of the time and because of the history and culture, an amazing amount of baggage in intercultural miscommunication and confusion.
-Cultural differences. Being a relational, warm culture the Nampula (the town we live) locals would rather lie to you and remain friends than tell you truth, so sorting things out and finding the truth can be a painful and frustrating endeavor. And due to the hardships the locals face, seeking multiple deities and religions is a form of proactive insurance.
-Sense of time. Nothing is ever done on time, or at least our notion of on time. Most projects or repairs take 2x or 3x as long as expected. Getting car parts or house repair items can take days of searching the city’s stores or weeks waiting shipment from South Africa or further afield.
-Illnesses, strange viruses, dysentery and malaria are common. As a family we have had malaria 6x between us. Thankfully we are able to get medicine and now we know the signs of malaria at first glance and can get it treated quickly. Other medical issues have been Cami’s torn ACL (flight to South Africa...surgery…), a very scary and difficult miscarriage and Cami’s horrible back pain which have all challenged us all.
-Ministry struggles. All those doing ministry face these no matter where one is. In Moz. we do the leg work, gather and train a core of committed people only to see some fail or fall by the wayside, to jealousy, infighting, demonic oppression, curses and fear. With hearts broken we work with those God has directed into our path and do our best. This doesn’t mean however that we do not feel sorrow and frustration.
-Family-sickness. It isn’t home we miss as the country we live in becomes our home, but we do miss our families and good friends terribly. Being so far away and not being able to hug or hold a loved one during crisis is sorrowing to the point of despair. I have lost all my grandparents while on the field and was unable to attend any of their funerals. Sending condolences and a few words to be spoken just doesn’t not compensate for sorrowing with those you love. And missing being with, let alone knowing, your brothers and their families is a sacrifice.
-Finances.I cannot explain how the first years we fretted and wondered where the money would come from to do this work. Watching giving drop by 1/3 during the 'world economic crisis' was truly frightening but God was faithful and we repeatedly saw Him provide through His people so now we trust Him even more. (Think of the least amount of money you can live on and then take away your guaranteed pay check. That is faith based missions.) However, it does become an incredible blessing as we learn to trust God, not our own qualities or ability to ‘earn a living’ or to ‘convince’ others to give. It is actually freeing.

Sounds rough? Actually not nearly as bad as some of our friends experience out in the bush or in more hostile areas (nor earlier missionaries or martyrs for Christ), but the fact remains, being missionary is not for everyone and I don’t want anyone to come overseas with grandiose, romantic ideas about ‘doing ministry’. Romantic ideas often get shattered quickly when you see your child seriously ill or you are lonely to the point of tears for days on end. Or when the locals you thought you were doing such a great job of befriending robbed your house while you were away for the weekend. Or the few you were pouring your life into fall into syncretism and wield their new found Bible knowledge as a powerful weapon over those they should be sheparding with love and mercy. People, missionaries, die out there. They are harassed and persecuted. They are incredibly lonely at times and fall into doubt and worry.

So why bother? Why go? Why be a fulltime missionary?

1. Because something is broken. Romans 8:18-25 speaks clearly of our situation and how creation, saved and lost, await for redemption, liberation. “In hope, the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.” To become children of God once again, relationship whole, complete and healed. This is all our calling to be not just peacemakers but the agents of adoption. Our problems and pain can be simplified into four dimensional broken relationships: with God, with others and with creation itself as well as who we are created to be. This brokenness is and will be reconciled through Christ!

2. And this task, this ambassadorship, this adoption agent-ship, isn’t some blind duty or guilt-inspired endeavor but because Christ’s love compels us we risk, forsake and suffer. There is nothing that can happen that can be more important, more wonderful, more meaningful that sharing the fact that God loves you. Nothing. Nothing compares to peace with God—freedom from fear and living a life of incredible value.

13 If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14 For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin[b] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (2 Cor. 5:13-15, 18-21)

3. We go to bring Him glory...to please Him who loves us so. But listen carefully, I often live my life as if I have to please and make God happy when in fact I am freed already, by accepting Christ for who is and what he did for me (i.e. he has taken my sin, died and risen again—conquering that sin and all its effects) I no longer have to do anything. But the beauty is, because I am freed and forgiven (reconciled) I can live a life of meaning, I can appeal to others, imploring them also to be reconciled to this God who loves us so. This is a progressive learning process for me. This freedom and then in turn reaction and living in the freedom grows and develops over time, withstanding our shortcomings, overcoming our hurts and passing through our hardships God continues to work in us, freeing us to be His children He loves so much.

4. Lastly there is the ‘calling’. Many will speak of a mystical calling or drive to ‘be a missionary’ or fulltime Christian worker. Possibly I look at this way too simplistically but I see the calling as a compilation of your gifts, abilities and listening to what God would have you do. For me it happened one summer day in 1987 in the middle of a dusty soccer field in Monterey, Mexico where I had run (with YWAM) to 1.get away from Connecticut., 2. Find a girlfriend and 3. Travel. What I got was the profound realization that God loved me no matter how insecure, stupid or unintelligible I was. He loved me. Me. I crumble to the dust and sobbed, tears of such joy and release. I didn’t have to please anyone because it was right, I didn’t even have to go to church or read my Bible out of blind faith or devotion. I could do those things and so much more because He loves me. It changed me, forever.

And honestly, there is nothing on this earth i would rather be doing. All the hardships, all the struggle is...nothing to being where and who God wants you to be.

These are the short answers to why I serve and love my Jesus. Why I am a missionary. If you want to chat, commit below and i will write you back. If you are contemplating being a missionary, around home or overseas and need someone to talk to, let me know.

...For the love of God...

2011-03-01T18:13:00.002+03:00

Resonate

Have you ever stretched out in the dark on the floor and listened to music? Loud. The kind of session which obviously had to be had without mom or wife around. You could hear every instrument, every note was crystal clear and passed through your whole body on its way of finding escape from the room. Every beat shook the room and you swear you can feel the rhythm in your very bones.

I haven't listened to music like that in a long time. The best i get now is it blaring so you can hear it across the house from my iPod earphones----what, you say it can't be good for me? In so many ways i think you are right but in a more essential way i am convinced that is way we need to listen to music. 100%. All of it. Loud and blistering. So that when we are done listening we remember what we have heard, so it echoes in our mind and blood for hours afterwords.

After preparing to preach for last Sunday and then give away what i discovered to my fellow followers while as a guest-preacher, i think this 'play it loud' mentality that works spiritually as well. After meditating, studying and contemplating Jesus' words in Mathew 16 not only the words have stuck, but the feel and power of them as well. I can't get them out of my head. They have found a place in my heart and i will remember the feelings and problems Peter had. I will remember that Jesus took them on a walk 30 miles out of their way so he could confront them and share with them important things away from the crowds. I will remember Jesus' question, "Yes, but who do you say i am?". I will remember chapter 16 for long time.

Friends, i am a normal guy, i hear something, no matter how brilliant it may be and in 48-72 hours it's gone, moved on to be replaced by something else. Something more 'current' or fresh. But shouldn't the words of Jesus, the Christ, the Son of the Living God, stick with us, be with-in us? Shouldn't they resonate through who we are?

So why don't they? Why do the important things, the very words of Jesus fall into dust so rapidly? Why do we 'move on' so quickly and unashamedly forget, pressing on to the newest thing that passes our particular brainwave? Nurture vs. nature, environment....BS. Really, who are you kidding? Do you remember Deuteronmomy 6 where Moses tells the people?

4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.[a] 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

He says essentially "Do whatever it takes to NOT forget these words and it will be good for you". Are we so much better at remembering? I am not. I need to proactively, purposefully teach my children, take time and BE with God because when it all boils down it is our choice to listen or watch whatever we like, to play truly stupid phone games (or computer games--my particular problem), to watch the latest installment of 'Survivorman' or 'desperate somebody-or-other' and we fill our time with useless clutter in hope we will be distracted from our guilt and longing for just one more moment, one more hour, one more day. This is the incessant pushing and pulling in our lives wether we are in the USA or Africa. Satan, your arch-enemy, will do anything he can form you spending time with your creator and your Savior. He will distract, confuse and offer endless entertainment, amusement and possibilities just so you will not hear the music for one more day.

I am back friends. You may not like me as i hound (myself)and confront my own failings because just one of you out there may have the same problems.

But do me this. Put down your tv remote (yes, turn it off), no computer farmville or age of empires and spend some time with the God who loves you. Be quiet. Recenter. Read His words, listen, worship, go for a quiet walk. Don’t let another day go by missing the opportunity, the honor and blessing of being in communion with your God. Don't be fooled, this moment is passing, this life is going by quickly and there is nothing as rewarding as living right with your God.

May you take the time to hear Him in your bones, may you walk away knowing the music of your Creator and may every note find lodging in your soul and let His music resonate through you.

2010-12-22T19:25:00.002+03:00

Are you a POM?

Staying with my folks has made me aware of the impact of us being missionaries has on them (Parents of Missionaries). I wish we could help them deal with our 'otherness' and being away so often.

I found this site which can be of help for POMs. Please send to anyone who it may help or encourage!

http://www.pomnet.org

Cheers

2010-12-04T05:27:00.004+03:00

My top 6 truths I have been reminded of in the last 5 months.

1. Understanding your spouse's feelings is more powerful than solving their problems.
Knowing how another person feels forces us to consider if we want to add to their sorrow, fear, guilt or pain or do we want to help comfort, encourage and empower the other. In marriage I have found this to be key. Unfortunately it is difficult to practice; To listen and not speak; To not give answers or solutions; To empathize and not judge.

The very act of empathy changes the relationship to be other-center. It draws us together and removes the distance of misunderstanding and ignorance.
If you are really interested in learning attend a Marriage Encounter weekend (www.wwme.org) near you. Worth the money.

2. No gift can replace time (memories) spent with those you love.
This is something we have found hard to explain to others. Time is precious to us as we are constantly aware of our leaving to go back to Africa. It seems in the US folks tend to believe there will always be more time or another opportunity. This is such a lie and thief. We have so enjoyed our moments with our family and friends and try hard not waste our time here with you all.

Don’t let the days slip by without speaking love to those who are important to you. Sharing love with those you know need it most and build the memories of time spent well with others so that you can take the memories with you anywhere and remember.

3. Friendship not only makes sacrifices for the other but also has no recollection of time.
What a strange thing is friendship. It truly sees you for your best yet calls you on your crap. It does not harbor ill or resentment for things you did or said in the past and has your best in mind. 1 Corinthians 13 comes to mind when I think of my friends. Thank you.

4. Sometimes the distance traveled is more important than the destination.
Sometimes where you are going is not as important as the fact you are on the journey. This furlough has taught us many things, some harder lessons than others but in the end we realize it was often has been the actual journey together which has changed us. It has drawn us together and forced us to reconcile our not only our relationships, but also our expectations, thoughts and beliefs. The process becomes cathartic.

5. Small decisions display our deepest desires.
We all know this to be true. We are make thousands if not millions of decisions every day. And unfortunately we often feel shame or guilt knowing all too well how we have blown it, repeatedly. We all want great relationships and love but in the details we often are selfish and lazy (speaking from experience). To be self-aware and cognoscente of our weakness but at the same time proactive in our lives is a decision faced in the everyday choices. The way we spend our time (one minute at a time), the way we spend our money (one dollar at a time) and the way we spend our emotions (one flash of anger, compassion or fear at a time) display our deepest passions and desires.

6. Love and grace are neither economical nor reasonable.
I want to be irresponsible in my grace. If i have learned anything in the last few months here stateside it is that i lack grace. Not that i have not received grace, from others or from God. I have wept knowing my mistakes and shortcomings. I have tasted and savored the forgiveness. What i also know is that if i am reasonable or responsible with it, it never works. Love is not something I can meter out and expect good return. It is not an investment plan nor is it a lottery. It is another miracle of God. Participate in it dear one and feel the freedom and taste the joy it brings.

If you are reading this today and know me, you know how I fall short often. You know my mistakes and laziness. May you also hear the truth in these words and may they resonate in you.

May you find and give empathy, may you make memories of time spent with those you love and not only find friendship but be a 1 Cor.13 kind of friend to another. May you realize the journey may be more important than where you are going and make the small decisions wisely. And lastly be irresponsible, no, be downright extravagant with love, there is no time to waste and no better gift to be given.

For this is who Christ Jesus is for us.

Merry Christmas dear ones.

2010-11-09T03:21:00.002+03:00

Meet Antonio Pequnino.

This man in the picture in the middle is an amazing man of God. He travels 2 hours on his bike from his village out side of town to attend Bible classes and has taken advantage of every opportunity offered to him and turned them into blessing others.

The first year in Mozambique we were bombarded by the incredible poverty and constant need all around us. Whether it be hunger, sickness or the spiritual emptiness, we quickly found ourselves overwhelmed and saddened daily by what we encountered. As we prayed, talked about what we could do and worked with the pastors and got to know those around us we wanted to do so much more than teach. What we also learned that first year was we were not good at all at agriculture, raising chickens, having a garden or micro-economics! We then turned to those around us. We called other missionaries, christian businessmen and project leaders doing these things well to come along side or make available their expertise. I then tried to connect the men and women i worked with with access to these other teachings and opportunities. For example a friend came to town and gave natural medicine teaching. Other times i would take a group of men for agricultural training...all these things were scratching the surface but making an impact.

Sharing this process at a church a few weeks ago i noticed a picture of Antonio on some of our materials and was caught in awe of our God as i was reminded of this man and how he has responded to what God has brought him and turned to reach out to those around him without any reward or thought of himself.

Antonio has attended Bible classes with me for over two years and travels to villages hours from his through the mountains and shares what he has learned. We have ate meals together, i have visited his home in the village. He has planted new churches and encouraged others to study the Bible and let the Word of God transform their lives. He also has attended the natural medicine seminars we have offered and not only made the ointments and balms for himself and his family but shares it all with his mu$lim neighbors as a way of showing the love of Christ. He has incorporated better farming methods on his own fields and helped his neighbors to make better use of their land producing 10-20% better yields.

As you read this pray for him. Antonio Pequenino. And please pray we can go back in June 2011.

For the love of God--in Mozambique.

2010-10-27T15:30:00.002+03:00

I'm no superman but i did complete my first 10km race in 1:00:42!

Not bad for an old man!

I do need to say it was an great experience to run with others and be cheered along the way, finding new friends at every turn and hill. Coming up the last mile and then rounding the corner to see the finish line and everyone cheered and clapped was moving. What a awesome feeling. I cried, engulfed with the sense of accomplishment and support and could not help but to imagine our homecoming after this life passes.

We are not alone and we are not static in this seemingly monotonous day-to-day. We will finish this race, we will round the corner and a great cloud of witnesses will cheer our entry.

Run my friends! Run well and listen for the cheers.

2010-10-22T17:29:00.005+03:00

Jump

Remember jumping off the diving board when you were a kid. Remember the moment you were airborne and the terrifying yet incredible feeling before you hit it the water. Or how about that wonderful and bewildering millisecond between sleeping and waking when you forget where you are. Or how about the exhilaration of the first moment of free-fall down a roller coaster and you are off the seat and dropping a million miles per hour. Or the utter abandon the moment you forget you are at church and you are truly worshiping God all by yourself. Dare i mention the ecstasy of union with your spouse.

I was thinking of these moments the other night and how we live our lives often missing these moments. These are the feelings we often live for yet forget in the passing of time.

Being unleashed from gravity, being loosed from time, being free of all surroundings or the joy in being completely united with another. Or the splendor of true worship in spirit and in truth. Could all these moments be pointing to something?

I think of the instances in the Bible when the woman at the well understood or that guy Zacharias who waited for the moment to come along and finally saw Jesus and had a lightning flash of 'today i sup with you in your home'. Or the time Jesus frees the man of many demons--don't you think there was a instant of clarity? Or how about when Peter stepped out of the boat in obedience to Jesus? I believe we must remember these moments of others and of ourselves when we are challenged. When we are lulled into the monotony of the daily routine.

These glimpses, these instances of peace and joy. The utter abandon to the moment. If we risk nothing, be it intimacy or harm, we will pass them by, never the wiser, never changed. It is necessary to risk if we want those occasions. They will come and they will pass us quickly unless we remember them, cherish and savior them.

Jump brothers and sisters.

2010-09-28T20:37:00.006+03:00

Refugee

Stepped out the plane and i was bombarded by the stench and endless mass of people stretched before me. As i walked through the relentless press of bodies i began to see the injuries and the pain was everywhere. Children weeping quietly, orphaned and alone, no mother, no father. The elderly, with vacant faces and limbs like twigs too tired to stretch out and plead for assistance. Possibly the worst for me was the capable, the seemingly healthy which walked aimlessly and with absolutely no conviction or recollection of where they came from or where they were going. The first minutes stretched on for hours, hours turned into days, days, months...and so it went. Constantly surrounded by pain, suffering and anger.

Some, fortunate enough to receive some temporal gain were busying themselves protecting it and making small walls and barricades however they could, as if those partitions could keep out the loneliness and suffering. Hoarding what little they had, thinking 'if only i can keep it a little longer'. Some, who were never satiated and continually craved more, would sacrifice anything to gain just a portion, yet still never content.

Some ran to the edges. Trying to escape what they either did not understand or block out what they knew only too well. Others tried comedy and laughed off the indignities of life and the aching they felt.

The children, not knowing anything different wallowed in their filth and soaked up any ounce of compassion a passing stranger may give them. The old died daily, some quietly in fear of what lies next while others convinced themselves this was all there is so why bother holding on.

And people wandered by, they stumbled or ran as fast as they could, thinking they could escape the reality. They were trapped and didn't even know it. They were refugees with no seeming way to get home.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Truth be told, this mass was not in a refugee camp although surely we could find them. Nor was this an account of the homeless in some God-forsaken land. This is a picture of what i saw one day as i heard a dear friend speak of her great humanitarian work. I say great, because surely she has accomplished great things and saved many lives. What kept tugging at my heart, finally bringing me to my knees was that most everyone around me was hurting still. In this world we call home it is inevitable that we will suffer and someday die and no matter what physical improvement or cure to what ails us physically we are deeply hurting people. One way or another physical death is our destiny. So why prolong it? What good is it to live a longer life or amass huge wealth only to find in the end we can hold nothing and we are all destined to leave.

You see i was reminded that we are refugees here. We are sojourners, travelers, only temporarily passing through this world of pain and suffering. Don't get me wrong, there is joy and if you look closely and get your head on straight and renew your mind you can see and feel it all around you but in the same breath we may pass and you may feel my pain. I may encounter your loss and restlessness.

Whether you are like one of the children lost and alone or like the elderly too tired to reach out any more, or even one of the capable running, ever running and chasing 'success' and 'security', for one instant i feel you. But better still by far is that God feels you. He has felt you from the creation of the world. He knows you and wants to give you hope of where you are going and where you are from and who you are. This is the plan He had in mind.

Stop with the walls, stop the running, let Him meet you and lift you up out of your own suffering and filth. You don't have to live that way anymore.

We may be refugees but we are not homeless, poor and we are very loved.

2010-09-27T23:54:00.000+03:00

How do missionaries feel while on furlough?

2010-09-09T15:35:00.005+03:00

When you reach a point when you have no other choices and no way out, what do you do?

Trust.

A good friend and i were talking a few months back and he said in the end for him it boils down to whether we trust God or not. Does He (God, not my friend!) really have our best interests in mind? Will He really work it all out for those who love Him? Does He really watch over us and care about the intricacies of our lives...

The Bible answers yes to all these things.

I think of Joseph...so he was cocky with his brothers about some dreams he had...and his life quickly got out of his control. He was thrown in a pit, sold into slavery, falsely accused of assault, thrown into prison...sat there for YEARS...helped some guys out with dream issues (ok, for one guy it didn't turn out so well) but Joe really thought the other guy would help him out only to sit in prison for more time...

We all know the end of the story. Joe ended up reunited with his father, saving his family from hard times and in the end rescued an entire nation! In Gen. 45:8 we read that Joe knew God sent him. Further on in Gen. 50:20 he states to his brothers "What you intended for evil God intended it for good..."

I don't know what is going in your life today but i am praying you have faith and trust in the character of God and see truth in His word. And with trust you will do what God wants you to do in EVERY situation.

Rest assured...He will not let you down...

Kevin

2010-09-08T04:22:00.003+03:00

Hey friends!

I am looking for recommendations for music and sermon downloads!

Bring them on.

What do you listen to?

2010-08-13T17:41:00.002+03:00

BY THE WAY!

As we are displaced...and going to be living in Ct for the majority of this year and into 2011 we would LOVE TO SEE YOU!

Please send us an email if you want to get together!

We will be making occasional trips to Ohio/Mich to visit Cami's family and hopefully in late December, early January out to California and then Hawaii to visit Cami's sisters.

PLEASE contact us, you never know where we may turn up...

Also i will try to keep up to date on Facebook where we will be speaking/sharing.

Peace out...K

2010-08-11T21:06:00.003+03:00

"Home"

We arrived here stateside a few weeks back and it has a been a wonderful time of being with family, eating tasty food-some forgotten favorites...and traveling. For the last two weeks we have been here in western ohio on "the farm". The boys have been having a great time playing with new toys, riding the tractor and seeing the animals down the street. Me, well, honestly i am feeling quite displaced.

Displaced: unfamiliar with the surrounding and not belonging. I am convinced anyone can convince another for a time that he or she belongs or is comfortable in a certain surrounding but i have never enjoyed faking it. And honestly i am simply no good at it. Ask Cami, i cannot lie (even if i want to). Which brings us to last night...Cami and i were having a fight...for us it was a fight. No, there were no curses nor did we scream or even raise our voices (just not us). But we wholeheartedly disagreed about something and came to the conclusion that we were both oversensitive and feeling--unsettled, insecure or displaced. Funny after we agreed on this we did not start pointing to "you did this and made me feel..." (which is really a load of...the stuff they are spreading on the field next door)we were done, able to give each other some slack and go to sleep. It was a realization of where we were coming from and therefore we were able to give each other some mercy.

So today i was trying to get Ben to take a 'rest' and lay quiet for a few minutes and noticed he was 'secretly' putting books and stuffed animals under his pillow or under his stomach (thus making his belly rise 6 inches)and i had to laugh. I was laying on the bed reading and listening to it all (he would whisper his plan to himself) and i wouldn't even turn to him as i told him to put the things back. Of course he was surprised and didn't like it but in the end we came to an understanding. I KNEW what was going on and he simply had to obey and do what i said--which by the way was best for him.

So back to me. Displaced, oversensitive and far from home. Do i trust this is what is best for me? Yes. Do i try to do stuff to try to make myself feel better...knowing it ISN'T best for me? At times. Do i come to terms with my Father and rest? Today, yes.

Friends. Give up. We aren't as bright and together as we would like each other to think. Rest. Obey and enjoy the ride.

2010-07-15T13:33:00.003+03:00

Traveling shoes

(These are the traveling shoes of a friend who has been spreading the love of God about 60 km outside of town. His name is Antonio and is an awesome guy.)

As we are going to leave Moz in a few days (for a one year furlough--NOT VACATION) i am full of emotional conflict. I am really happy to be leaving and going to see family and so many friends we left behind...and yet not really wanting to leave my friends i have here and the contentment of being where i feel i am supposed to be! It has been such a awesome and difficult 3.5 years. We have passed trials, experienced joy and heartache, been encouraged and saddened by situations but through it all we think we have matured, grown in our relationship with each other, with our children and with our God. As we get ready to see some of you we wonder how to explain it and if you really want to know. Please pray God helps us share and adequately describe what He IS doing and Hs has done here THROUGH us and IN us.

The last few weeks have gone really well and we could not have anticipated many of the surprises (hence, they are called surprises!) nor could we have anticipated Gods protection, grace and mercy over all our travels, provision for he ministry and health! Also the packing of our entire house into a small shipping container was went swimmingly! We are so thankful to our God.

I was thinking today about a question, you know the one, "if a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound?". Well, i have been thinking, "if a blind man is in the forest does he appreciate the beauty of it?" I was thinking if he doesn't become preoccupied with his 'problem' he would smell the pine, feel the breeze and hear the sounds around him. BUT if he is stuck thinking about himself, concentrated about his issues and such, he may miss it all. then ii thought, 'how much do miss?'. Friends, let's not miss it! Lets be free to see the beauty all around us, in each other and in our relationships....

SO! Next i update it will be from the other side of the pond!

See you soon?
Kevin

2010-07-04T07:54:00.002+03:00

Busy. Monitor training, seminar in the bush, truck broke down, overseas visitors...then AIM Moz. conference.

Funny, we had our annual mission conference here in Moz, which Cami and i had a lot of responsibility and my spiritual life went into hibernation! I know this isn't what was supposed to happen but it did. It has been nice the last 24 hours to be quiet and alone as a family (for the most part--as we baby sat two little ones so some dear friends could have a dinner date).

Then i had to think of what to preach on today and felt absolutely no prodding or inspiration...until last night i just started thinking about what is IT about what Christ has done for me. And i read Romans 5. Wow.

Hope, joy, love...suffering. It is such a great summary of our faith, of the gift we have received from Jesus. How he paid the debt, how we have entered joy and hope. How we are now free to live! To live with confidence and hope that all the suffering, all the disappointment will be rewarded--even turn out for the good. Verses 6-8 speak of how Christ died for us...while we were yet sinners. Isn't this amazing? Isn't it our motivation to live a holy life out of gratitude and thankful service to Jesus? Isn't it exciting we have this opportunity? We are at peace with God dear saints...peace with the creator and sustainer of the universe! How awesome is that?

Friends. Live today. Live with joy in your troubles and suffering knowing that Jesus has indeed made you free and his Holy Spirit fills us with love.Knowing we are at peace with the God who cares for us!

I will be coming stateside in two weeks and would love to see you...and tell you what God has done here. Pray for us as we have a lot to do and will it will definitely be sad to leave...

peace to all.

2010-06-07T08:00:00.001+03:00

I am back.
What has happened? Hmmm.
1. A big ship dragged its anchor over the fiber optic cable and severed communication for all of northern Mozambique...yes, really. We have be been without internet and cell phones for much of 3 months.
2. We moved our entire house...across town in preparation to move across the Atlantic in July. Sold the chickens and pigeons, found homes for the dogs and retired our guards.
3. Started wrapping up TEE classes, gave tests and am currently meeting with another missionary who will fill the gap while i am gone.
4. Last bush trips...took three monitors with me to the coastal town of Moma and we gave a seminar on Genesis to pastors and leader from 7 different denominations. It was great. We had a good time together and all went smoothly--even the road! The president had just visited that district a week before so the 250 miles of dirt roads had been smoothed! Praise God, a 5 hour trip took only 3!
5. Lastly we started to say goodbye. As we do i am profoundly aware that this is now home.If it were not for seeing and reconnecting with you and the necessity of raising support i wouldn't want to go. We are trying not to think of the challenges that lie head this year there...culture shock, missing friends, kids readjusting, lack of funds (again we are under-supported), but we know for a fact that our big God will provide somehow as He has for the last 3.5 years.

I will write more now that we are temporarily staying in a friends house which has internet....but thought it best to catch you up!
See you soon. Kevin

2010-02-15T11:40:00.003+03:00

The happy slave...

As we approach our 3 year anniversary of being in Mozambique (which by the way has felt like home the moment we stepped off the plane) I have found a sentiment creeping back into my soul and growing in bitterness. I share this not to purge myself of my sin or convict you but to show you how God has been working in my life. Because if I cannot see it, describe it and know God is working in my life, actively and carefully, I don’t have a relationship with God, I am only practicing some religion and I indeed am a fool (alright maybe I am a fool anyway!).

I was sharing with a close friend here how sometimes I feel left behind, forgotten and uncared for by many back in the dear terra paterna. Sorry but even churches don’t communicate or reply very well to emails and letters. And after a while it begins to hurt. It hurts deep. These who espoused your bravery, praised your conviction and promised to support you through thick and thin have seemingly dropped you from their to-do lists and the monthly deposits which sustain your bread and butter have gotten waylaid somewhere between their good intentions and your account. My ‘best friends’ write to say they pray for me every night but don’t write more about their lives let alone try to figure out mine. And the hurt grows deeper and somewhere, loneliness springs from deep in my heart. Loneliness gives way to bitterness and bitterness creeps up and suddenly, I find myself angry and asking, “What more do I have to sacrifice? Is it not enough to be thousands of miles from family, to not be able to grieve as all my grandparents have died while overseas, is it not enough to live frugally, live days away from ‘adequate medical care’ and risk diseases that will kill my children if I don’t figure it out soon enough? Is it not enough to have very few same-culture friendships and constantly have to interpret and try to understand what in the world your brothers are saying? And language, to function in a language which is not my own (nor am I any good at)? Is it not enough to leave any hope of retiring ‘well’ and with a sense of security…these are some of the sacrifices I have made. Lord when is it enough?” And I asked my friend, “are they not enough? Do i now have to live in poverty and struggle alone, cut off from friends and family? Does anyone care anymore? Have I not sacrificed enough?

I do not believe this is a new phenomenon nor am I alone in these feelings and I think it shows possible a weakness in this ‘faith-based’ support raising system. But more than that I think it shows my need for God. You see even while our support seemed to drop to a trickle and vehicle and health costs caught us off guard, God did provide. Even when I felt most alone and grappled in the dark with this loneliness He was with me. The times when the besetting sin seemed too much to bear, He came and gave me an exit. Thankfully we have been spared medical tragedy so far. And please don’t get me wrong, yes, I choose to obey the calling of God for my life and come to Africa, Happily! I do love living and working here. But sometimes if I don’t pay attention to my heart, loneliness creeps up and turns to bitterness and bitterness…..well….

Last week after spewing these not so pretty thoughts I was able to spend some quality time alone with God and I asked specifically for a answer. Not for more support or letters or emails. These inconsistencies happen and often innocently enough….and honestly God knows what is going on. But I asked more for insight in what was going on in my heart. And here is what HE said.

"Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'? Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' "
Luke 17:7-10

I walked around for a day feeling severely rebuked. Ashamed of my selfish and ungrateful heart.

Another version reads “We are unprofitable servants, because that which we owed to do -- we have done.”

Do you hear it? ‘that which we owed to do’.

My life, my calling, my sacrifice is only a portion of what I owe to Christ. It is my obligation to suffer for his sake. To make less of my wants and hardships and more of Him and his sacrifice for me…for you and all.

Paul had it right, in 1 Cor. 9:17 he states he is ‘under compulsion’ and will not preach the gospel for any other reward. Paul is saying he has to do it, has no choose so to speak. This I can understand as many years ago I stood at a crossroads and wondered if I should choose the college professor route, buy a house, have a nice new car….but it was clear to me then as it now, this is my calling and my place. There is no other.

We could go on from here and talk about all Christ has sacrificed for us but that would be ahead of the issue. Isn’t our breath and life owed to God? Isn’t each day a gift? All its challenges and struggles, laughs and joy, are not all these things, all these moments gifts form our creator? Do we not then owe Him our lives for that alone? Grace, mercy, forgiveness…these are things down the road.

But let us go back to Jesus’ words. 9Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? 10So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.' " Remember, He had just talked to his disciples about sin and how we are forgive (and not have pride, holding back our forgiveness of those who continually stumble). Would it be too much to say possibly the disciples were feeling…they were ‘it’ and could hold back grace when in fact Jesus said to them, “you dopes, you owe me everything and obeying me is obligatory so get off your duffs and do what you are told.

Funny we don’t like this kind of talk from Jesus. I never did like the parables of the talents either…they seemed unfair. HA. Mercy given to others….punishment avoided by the deserving and those who earned something…well they are treated in accordance to how the Master chooses...

We owe Him.

Everything else, all good things, all grace and mercy we receive are bonus! Pure unadulterated signs of His love.

So in conclusion I am not as startled by the correction. It is true and sober reflection and a harsh reminder of how far and quickly my heart can wander from the truth. But what meant even more to me as the days go by is that God heard me, and for this I am SO thankful. He saw my sinking and pulled me up—in his grace through rebuke and correction, now I stand firm again. Resting completely in His mercy and knowing all I do here is only what is owed to Him. For He is my mighty king and before I become his son I am His slave—gladly.

2010-01-08T10:15:00.002+03:00

A moment snuck up on me yesterday and made me cry.

Many years ago I had a vision of sorts in which I would facilitate African pastors to receive Bible training so they could then in turn go and teach others. But even before that I received my first calling in Mexico to help others know God the way He had made Himself known to me. This would be honed and refined, and yesterday I saw my vision and calling meet.

As my friends spoke in our living room and handed my students paper certificates it dawned on me that this moment in time, this occurrence is a new beginning. It is the start to something God had been doing in me (and through me) for many years, not just 2 ¾ in Mozambique. And I cried.

You see, ever since I was little I knew, just knew there was a God. I saw Him in the wind and trees, I went for walks and heard Him. I had grown up with benefits I see now are beyond the reach of so many. Unfathomable to much of the world in fact. I had (and still do have!) great parents who loved me. Loved me well and led me to Christ. I did not want for food or clothing. I never had a ‘hungry season’ or heard of my cousin or neighbor dying from diarrhea or malaria. I grew up going to church where I actually heard Bible stories and had teachers tell me what they meant. I ran in the woods, I played with friends, played football on the church front lawn every Saturday during summer and fall and hockey on the pond behind my house during the cold winter. I had so much, when I met Jesus on a missions trip in the summer of 1986 I decided to use all I had so others could know Him.

And that is the path I have traveled for the last 20-some years. Years full of highs and lows, personal struggles and loss, joys and pains, moments of epiphany and conviction of sin. Then somehow I landed here in Mozambique. Nampula is now our home and we are so thankful to live here. We have made friends and now God is using us in small ways.

In the past few years I have been studying with and teaching a few groups of men and women. In the last few months with the help of their leadership,a these six have been chosen and are meeting with me in preparation to start their own TEE classes.

Top left to right: Serafim Silva, Elisio Zecua, some missionary, Feliciano Semente
Bottom row: Antonio Rodiguez, Herminio Arlindo, Alberto Castelo

Some of them are church provincial leaders, some are church secretaries or elders but all want to learn their Bible and know God deeper. I have visited their homes, prayed with them, held their hand while they sweated out a malaria fever, I received gifts from them and we have eaten together. We traveled and shared God’s word together in the bush. These are my brothers. But yesterday they became more. Not because of a flimsy piece of paper but because of what it symbolized. It was an vision being realized. Humbly and slowly I have kept pursuing this dream that I could, somehow with all my shortcomings and laziness, be of use to the Kingdom. I have tried to be thoughtful and strategic, purposeful and attentive to what God wanted done rather than what I thought should be done and yesterday I had a moment of accomplishment. I no longer work alone. My dream to teach others has now become the dream of 6 other men.

We spent three days in training with two Mozambican Bible school teachers/pastors from down south and it was good. Some much better than hearing the same words from me. We heard challenges and practical help for the work ahead. They shared their 10 years' experience with us and practiced with the guys. At the end we each thanked the other and for a moment I thought it wouldn’t end. In truth, it will not. This is the beginning for this group…and for me.

SO if you see me crying when I talk about these men, now you know why.

FN-The two trainers come from the Infortem Bible School in Mocuba. They started a similar program 10 years ago and now have over 1200 students, 80 monitors (TEE teachers) working interdenominationaly with over eight different church denominations.

2010-01-08T09:03:00.002+03:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New year! and NO, it is never too late to wish well (bless) a person or praise God for the birth of His son....Pretty awesome holiday if you ask me!

SO, I pray all is well with you and yours. We as a family did a road trip to Malawi again visiting friends, car shops, croc farms (the real kind) and dentists along the way. We are so thankful the car performed well on the ruff roads, no one was sick and our cash was sufficient! Praise God for His faithfulness. Finally in the end we met up with friends at a Catholic retreat house on Lake Malawi and had a wonderful time resting , 6 small boys running all over playing, worshiping and simply being together. As we all live many miles apart it is a huge treat to meet up with dear friends.

Couldn't get pics to upload but will try again later...or check here http://camikevinupdate.blogspot.com/ maybe Cami had more luck (or persistence than I!!:)

Cheers
Kevin

2009-10-13T09:42:00.004+03:00

Routine maintenance...

Yes, this picture is a car through the roof of a house...apparently they hadn't kept up with their routine maintenance and went off the road which was on a bank over some homes....and they 'dropped by' for a visit!

What exactly is routine maintenance? In the states, at least in Ct, where i hail from it means changing the oil, buying new tires occasionally and flushing the radiator.

Here in Moz. due to the high temperatures, bad roads and unusually heavy loads at times, it means all the above at increased intervals for double the price, AND replacing bearings, joints, radiators completely, inner and outer hub seals, not one battery--but two (because somebody thought your big truck needed two batteries)...and the sorting out of 'issues' BEFORE they find you out in the bush 100 miles from anywhere (or 10 miles from a mechanic--which can be the same dreadful feeling!).

So as i have been struggling through truck 'issues' and trying to get the 'maintenance' done on the truck before Nov. when we have some bush trips and then in Dec. head off to Malawi for our family break...i have been thinking about maintenance of my soul.

What is required to keep me functioning well, healthy and what is it that will enable me to withstand 'high temps', 'bad roads' and 'unusually heavy loads'? I am sure we could find volumes written on the subject of spiritual health and fervor but i am going to give the keys to MY spiritual fervor. Pretty simple really.

1. Keep my focus on Christ. Or in the words of Raggamuffin Gospel guy, "tell yourself the story daily", When i forget of how much in need i am, when i begin to compare myself to others or simply loose focus i fail miserably...kind of like a 4x4 truck with bad universal joints--things just don't work quite right, and although you can drive for quite a while, when you need to avoid that ditch (or temptation), you can't!

2. Kill the killers. We all know we should change the oil in our cars every couple thousand miles. Why, because it prolongs the life of the car....or the other way around, it helps the car live better and longer. So what if i only change half the oil? Or what if i only fix half the bad wheel bearings, is it really going to help? Nope, nada. The killer is still there. Our vehicle will die a quicker death...or will sputter along for years. Personally i do not feel like sputtering along, ask Cami, i like cruising at a good clip! Funny the little things that kill us are seemingly harmless. We need to trust the manual and do what it says!

3. Don't fall for the lie that you are alone. We are only alone if we want to be. Jesus was pretty clear about unity and fellowship be integral in our lives. Without them we are in danger. Like traveling an uncharted road without a map or guide---what is going to happen? If we are lucky we get out alive....

So, take it from me...do the maintenance, saves you money in the long run on your car and saves you endless headaches (or worse) spiritually! (you may have to get dirty...)

'n peace,
Kevin

2009-09-27T06:41:00.007+03:00

Big night!

Toby hosted his first international sleepover this last week with buddies from his school. Turned out to be 3 different nationalities...but they all spoke the same language, "crazy"! They seemed to have lots of fun although sleep was not on their agenda. His five short friends were serious about playing as much as possible and to that effect we even overheard them discussing before they retired who would wake them all up in the morning so as to make the most of their time. It was finally discovered that Camille (thanks so much) wakes up at 5am and would wake the rest of them up too.

Strange after they had their pillow-fight they were hot and couldn't settle down...maybe i should not have joined them?

The next morning yes in deed they were up and playing at 5am...as Cami and i lay awake listing to the mayhem. But don't feel bad, i got my revenge! At 8:30 we left our house and picked up some other friends and two Big people to help me and headed for the mountain on which i would torture them! No, not really. It was great, some of them had never hiked before so i brought water for each and we went up a small but impressive mountain outside of town. Only one needed the rope tied around his waste and a few others needed a hand and encouragement, but they all made it!

Then they threw rocks off the top...alas, they failed on the last rock!

Really a great bunch of boys!
Until next time!

2009-09-03T10:16:00.002+03:00

Be a MAN!

Ok, so this is more directed at my guy buddies out there somewhere....but i think it can be applicable to ladies as well....

The manly man Jesus; Can we stop being men of the world and men like Jesus?

I was preparing a devotional for a men’s group meeting here in town…actually we went out to a mountain, but anyway, I was thinking about being a man, a ‘real man’, you know, machismo and testosterone and grunting. I was thinking does this really match up with what God expects me to be? Does it really jive with WHO Jesus was…because as far as I know we are supposed to be like Him (conformed into HIS likeness), not like some celebrity, famous person or hero. So here is what I studied and read and what my conclusion is.

If, as my church doctrine and personal belief are true that Jesus was in fact fully human (yet sinless) and fully God (yet experienced exactly what we experience), then I have to believe Jesus was the best example of being a human possible. More than being the best human he was the best example of being a man, a true man. In fact He was the ultimate man. He was the perfect embodiment of what a man is to be. He without fault displayed true compassion, zeal, kindness, self-control, peace, obedience, truthfulness, integrity, purposefulness and grace. So I was thinking of these things and picked up a book by Bruce Marchiano who is an actor who played Jesus in a film. The experience changed him and made him appreciate the person and masculinity of Jesus.

In his book, The Character of a man; Reflecting on the image of Jesus he says, “Grace was the most comprehensive, underlying, over-blanketing constant that spilled from his every miracle and his every teaching. His every drop of sweat and every drop of blood.” P.87 Also that the words Jesus used were not wasted or trite, in fact they were perfect for each opportunity and person. Again Bruce writes, “The challenge…that man would so guard his mouth that no careless words would ever be spoken and no words would ever be spoken in careless way. That no matter the circumstances or the pull of self-interest a man would choose to speak with ‘Jesus’ lips’—lips anointed in grace”. P. 95 (We can see this clearly in the following verses. Luke 4:22--gracious words fell from his lips. In Math. 12:34-36 Jesus says out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks…and he wasn’t just speaking of good overflow!) This Jesus was accustomed to hard work, walking long distances, sleeping outdoors, being weary and hungry. He was not pampered, self-interested or isolated from those around him although he did spend time alone, sometimes running away from the masses that followed him and his every word, he wasn’t selfish, more self-aware of his own needs to be with the Father.

Our role model had constant purpose. Bruce again writes, “there is nothing lukewarm about this man. There is nothing halfway, nothing cool, nothing maybe this or maybe that. He is a man who knows exactly what he’s been born for and exactly what it will cost him and he isn’t afraid to march headlong into it. He is impassioned and holy and his manhood drips from it. He moves with purpose and urgency never wasting a moment, never moaning about this difficulty or groaning over that frustration. He just moves forward and passes on and presses through.” P.58 “He wakes every morning- a man who knows who he is and what his life is about. He rises from every challenge that would steal his excitement and beat him down. He stares the enemies of his soul and life’s potential straight in the eye and says ‘I’m a child of the living God and you’re not going to crush even a moment of the thrill’. Refusing mediocrity he rolls up his sleeves and dives into each day. He shakes free of the fatigue and the ache and pains of life lived in a broken creation …he digs his heels firmly into every responsibility and purpose God intends for him. P.65

My conclusion after reading this book, looking up verses and stories of Jesus to support these thoughts and meditating on them was very simple, I have long way to go. This man, this Jesus, this Rabbi, teacher, friend to sinners, guest of tax collectors and buddy to the really disgustingly sick….His standard of who we should be as people is a high mark. As far as masculinity….well, I just think we need to chill about being the toughest, fastest, most handsome, having the most toys and belike HIM. Gracious, compassionate, passionate for that which is right, careful and deliberate with our words, self aware of our needs and who we are. If this sounds too general, sorry but I think it is the best place to start being who we were intended (predestined) to be….LIKE HIM.

He lived 100%....
in every moment.
in submission to the father’s will
guided by the Holy Spirit
free of fear
with purpose
spilling out words and acts of grace
free of indulgence or sinful pursuits

The conclusions are simple.

Philippians 2:5-8 …be like Him in your attitude…humbled and obedience
Mathew 5:48 …be perfect like your Father in heaven
…Be holy (Lev. 19:2) or blameless (Deut. 18:13) or perfecting holiness (2 Cor. 7:1)
John 13:15 …do as Jesus did
Romans 8:29 … be conformed to the likeness of His Son

Everyone who crosses our path should say, “Oh yeh, he must be one of those Christians, he acts, talks and is just like Jesus.”

This is our challenge, our calling and our freedom. To throw off the weights, restraints and demands of this world (no matter what culture) and live as Jesus did, do the things He did, speak words like He spoke, and….do even greater things! (John 14:12!!????---maybe look into this another time!)

Finally my disclaimer/challenge.

“12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.” Philippians 3:12-15

His
Kevin

2009-08-28T07:10:00.004+03:00

Went out to Meluli last sunday. beautiful and peaceful as always. The road was in good shape until the end where we ended up on a bicycle track once again! The people were so war and inviting it is hard not to want to go back or stay (they invited us to stay the night). But after preaching for 1 1/2 hours and then lunch and then visiting the house of my student i had to head home as the family was waiting for a trip out to the beach.

So at the beach we made sand castles, flew kites, visited friends and DIDN'T get in the water. It was COLD. OK, maybe not by New York standards, but it was too cold for us and as both Cami and i were and continue to fight off some colds we admired the water from the beach, and the house, and the veranda. We also got to go out for steak! What a treat. Good friends suggested we go out to this new grill/restaurant with them and then they proceeded to pay for our meals! Even Toby now is a steak lover! Too bad we only have it once every 9 months! Ha.

All in all a good break, but there is work to be done. Today i am writing on being a manly man of God to share on a mens outing i have organized for Sunday afternoon.

God bless you all.
Kevin

2009-08-09T12:45:00.003+03:00

Where is the world is Kevin?

Well...two weeks ago i was assisting my director who was up to check on everyone and gave a one-day seminar on culture. Went well and my students commented on how it made them think about things. After that Cami and i celebrated our 17 year Wedding anniversary with Indian food and a movie! Yikes, 17 years! Just can't believe we are actually aging....oh well. Then we went to the beach for a few days of fun and rest. Got back and taught classes and prepared to go to a conference down south.

About 5 hours from here met Proforte, an association of Theological Schools, interested churches, missionaries and organizations to better help and develop theological educational institutions in northern Mozambique. The representatives were a collection of missionaries, church leaders and Bible School professors and directors. Although TEE is not considered by some as 'true' theological education some friends thought it could be useful/fruitful to go down and share my vision of collaboration and start talking.

It was good. I was only surprised by the impact TEE has had in the past and the little it is used now. I began my short discussion by asking how many there had attended TEE in the past and 75% had attended and then one gave testimony as it had started their journey and in one case actually started their institution! I learned about other projects and schools that have active (and some huge) TEE programs as well and received a lot of encouragement. I believe i was challenged and have begun a journey that i really have no idea where it will lead. I only pray TEE can be utilized for the growth and maturity of the church here which so desperately needs maturity. In so many ways it just makes sense. (I was asked by my dir to write out my thoughts and a vision statement for the work here...i will share this with you all as it comes).

From the meeting i received a clear challenge to continue as well as receiving interest in Schools from all over Mozambique---corner to corner really---expressed intention to start working together, at least sharing practices and dialog and i am curious to see what comes out of it.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Arrived back today, Sunday much to the delight of Cami who is constantly being challenged by Ben the belligerent (but with a smile). You would not believe the will of this child. They are all taking naps and i am going to try to be helpful and do some dishes. Then i launch into preparing for next Saturday when i and two Mozambican pastors will give a the second part to the I$lam conference we started in May on top of classes. It is going to be a busy week.

Final thought. I was sitting last night talking with a fellow missionary and we were talking about how there exists folks out there that just seem to have an amazing amount of charisma....but these individuals have a tendency to lack other qualities. It is as if because of the charm they posses they don't worry about honesty or consistency....because their charm will get them out of trouble. Just a thought.

Peace out
Kevin

2009-07-06T17:55:00.006+03:00

Wow. What a weekend. Started thursday with normal running around, classes and such. Friday was Toby's big drama night at school. Each grade (1&2, 3&4 and 5-7) did a skit as well as some of the older students reciting poems and famous speeches. It was a nice time to see the kids and parents as well. Saturday was nuts for Cami. She went out to teach at the orphanage of friends of ours (http://victorandchristina.blogspot.com/) at 7:30 am, came home at 9:45 and taught a neighbor how to make pancakes, prepared food for the party, and ran out the door to the 4th of July party with the kids. We actually had a party with some other Americans and folks who simply wanted to get in on a party! I showed up late after teaching from 9am until 3:30 with a run in the middle to help a buddy with his open air crusade in town.

Sunday we were up early again to go to a 'bush-church' visit. Which means it is off the main road. It was fun. The church was planted last year by a student of mine and now he has walked another 1 1/2 hours further into the bush and started another church.

They both came together and it was encouraging to see a 'healthy', young church even if the service was 3.5 hours!. What was especially nice was Cami and the kids went with me (a rarity due to logistics and simply it doesn't make sense to drag the boys to different churches every week!).

Toby loved getting out town. He kept saying how much he wanted to live out there. It was less than an hour into the bush but you feel like you are days away. No electricity, no piped water (we had to drive through their water source! The river)...i think Toby would not like it for very long.

I think Cami is going to post some video of the trip on you tube...stay tuned.

Then after a quick break at home Cami ran into town on the motorbike to film some of the crusade while i prepared some snack, gathered stuff, bathed the boys and got them ready for our "English Fellowship' church Sunday evening. It was a special time of the youth presenting the ten week Sunday school program they had just finished with each kids sharing a little. Then we decided we would go 'out' to eat and stopped by our local shwarma/chicken/pizza dive and had dinner with new friends working with Save the Children in town.

A very good weekend. Bless you all.
K

2009-06-29T10:57:00.002+03:00

New....
As you may have noticed i changed the 'look' of my blog (here) and some stuff here and there. This is because Cami has done a great job on our other blog (here---http://camikevinupdate.blogspot.com---)and created a pic blog (here---http://zwartphotostoshare.blogspot.com/---you can go to to see newish stuff (like Toby's impressive black eye!). I also changed the name of this one because it is purely me...good, bad and ugly. The other blog has more of Cami's writings about life here with my contributions form time to time!

Happy reading.

peace in everything
K

Even in 3 inch long Golden Orb spiders!

2009-06-26T14:35:00.003+03:00

Was off this morning on a trip to help a friend whose truck broke down about 50 miles from town. I was glad for the opportunity to be alone and listen to music (loud) and think/pray about some stuff...like my tendency to be selfish...my tendency to be weak...and well, sinful.

So after picking up the needed parts in town (8 stores later), dropped off some Tylenol and malaria meds for a friend i headed out to "da socoro", (give rescue) to my buddy. Wasn't bad and my last repair on my car seems to be holding up! We managed to get his rear brakes back working to some degree (minus a few non essential parts)and he was on his way home to his new baby and wife in Malawi.

But what stuck me as i drove home, dodging pot holes and at times driving completely off the road...was the same grace which saved me from eternal damnation and separation from God is available for me every moment of this life. Hmm. The same love i was shown when i accepted Christ as my savior is available for me to show others...daily. Moment by moment...tot he beggars and the 30 kids gathered around us as we worked on his car along the road.

The same grace. The same love. The same peace. Wow. This was quite a revelation for me. We (who call ourselves Christians) talk about the great love of God which saves us. We talk about the grace which He so freely bestows on us...while yet sinners...Yet daily we live as if we are on our own again. Again and again and again we live as if the grace and love and (dare i say) power of God only applies to our conversion 9moment of acceptance of Jesus as Lord and Savior) but not our sanctification (the daily working out of Him as our Lord and Savior). We are a strange breed are we not?

So this also jumps back to my worst kind of love...in that, alone, in our own strength and power we are pitiful. I am a disaster. Yes, you are too. Sorry. But it is true. But with believing and accepting that to love this world with His power, with His love and with His grace...well....

There is no telling what will happen.

Go change your world brothers and sisters. Start with the first person you meet, and love them.

2009-06-25T15:36:00.004+03:00

In case you did not hear, having a car in Mozambique is challenge. They constantly break and need repair. Due to the bad roads maintenance is a nearly weekly affair. So when we got here we bought the strongest must durable car we could...with the money we had.

So after working on our older Landcruiser this week and trying to find quality replacement parts (or any parts as it turned out) i had a few minutes on my way home from Rapale and stopped at the Toyota dealer in town....oh my.

TO replace our truck with a new one is ......$168,000. Yes, that is right a stripped down, 'NGO' type Landcruiser is over $150,000! In the states the more or less same new truck is $65,000. Oh well.

There are other options for half the price or a double cab pickup truck is $42,000.

So we will continue to enjoy our 1994 Landcruiser....i will gladly continue maintenance and repairs as much as i can and unless someone has a bucket of money....i will leave it all in the hands of God.

2009-05-26T10:47:00.003+03:00

The worst kind of love.

Is the kind of love that calls you to do something you don't want to do. Tells you to be kind to the unlovely, the hurtful and stupid.

Recently i watched the movie 'Fireproof', and although not usually a big fan of 'Christian' movies as they tend to be lower quality and poorly written, this one had some profound truth which i can not only support but was moved to tears because i think it spoke of something God has been impressing on me lately.

It is this. Dump all your thoughts on religion and love people. Simple.

This would be great until we come across a person who has hurt us, it is easy when we get the response we want. It is easy when it doesn't call for sacrifice. Sacrifice hurts, sacrifice is giving something of ourselves, our time, our money, our energy, our pride...our perceived need for praise and appreciation. Our felt needs of self gratification. All these feelings and ideas are contrary to this love i am talking about.

The love i am talking about stems from the very character and person of God. Not some mushy feeling or contentedness even, but a state of being. In 1 John it says "God is love", not His business, not His predisposition but He IS...hmmm. So what does it look like? Well, it is patient (like with the Israelites) it is kind, (like with Hagar), it is long-suffering (like with the human race!). Love looks like it is described in 1 Cor. 13. BUT personified in God and on earth in His son, Jesus.
Take a second and read the list below. But put in Jesus every time you read love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

My reaction was wow! Jesus does personify what love is. So what does this mean for us...? Well it was a command of Jesus for his disciples as well as for us.

In John 13 we read about the disciples and Jesus and how Jesus gave them a new command in the midst of a pretty awful dinner party. Jesus had just told his friends, his closest disciples that he was going away. He had just alluded to being betrayed and sent Judas on his way without even a harsh word. And then he tells his buddies to....love one another. Not to seek revenge, not to overthrow those who would soon come and haul him away to be tortured and killed. No, Jesus said, 'love one another'. He said by doing so the world would know they were followers of Christ. Now listen, amidst the heartache and strife of that evening meal, knowing full well what lay ahead , Jesus commands them to love. Did they get it? Well, it appears they (as we are often as well) well very distracted and wanted answers, they wanted to know what was going to happen.

How often do we become distracted by wanting to know stuff. We want God to provide answers that in truth, aren't that important. When in truth he wants us to love.

When a young scribe approached Jesus and asked what he must do to inherit (gain/win) eternal life, what was Jesus' answer? 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind and all your strength..and love your neighbor as yourself' (ouch). Jesus was quoting the OT when Moses had just finished giving the ten commandments and to summerize as it ere, Moses said, just do this...and you'll get the rest.

Another recounting tells of someone asking Jesus what is the greatest commandment and he replies with the same answer. Love God and your neighbor as yourself. And if we look at the sermon--dialog on the mount Jesus says to even love your enemies. My enemies! GET OUT! But yes, these are the commands, the desires and the will of God for his people.

So what are we waiting for. Are we loving our spouses, our children, our annoying realitive, our neghbor, our mayor, our mailman, the homeless guy, the local crazy guy...what about the co-worker who slanders you or your spouse who you have been fighting with for over a year and you can't even remember what about...what about the sex addict down the street or the rapist around the corner.

This is not a easy love. This is not for faint hearted or those who only care to follo Jesus into the upper room but not out to Golgotha.

This is the message i am receiving. this is the message i am trying to live. First Corinthians 12 leads into the love chapter with the phrase, "And now I will show you the most excellent way." This most excellent way, this way which is far better than any gifting or ability is something we can all do.

So what is stopping you? Love...

2009-05-15T07:11:00.004+03:00

Well after 5 weeks with the in-laws in house we look forward to some 'normalcy'--like power outages, going to bed at 7:30 and a routine! It was nice to have them here and great to watch Sally interact and enjoy the boys. I think she almost enjoys them as much as i do...naa. Not possible. Got some projects done around the house (more outside security lighting) and new steering damper put on the truck. We did have two trips, one 10 hours north to Mocimboa de Praai to see the work there and encourage colleagues. We also spent two days on Ilha de Mocambique and a week on the beach in a friends 'camp-house' which was nice and peaceful. Overall a good time. But we are tired.

My classes are winding down just in time for three back to back conferences starting next week. The first is put on by a group of South Africans who come up to specifically help us misso's in northern Moz. They usually bring a vet, dentist and IT tech guy but ii think this time it will be more fellowship, encouragement and discussions about the business side of missions and business AS missions. Should be interesting. The second conference is probably my most favorite. Once a year our AIM northern team comes together and just chills out. NO BUSINESS. Just Fun, being together, talking, worshiping and playing. It is only three days but quite a break. Lastly we will (Cami with me this year!) attend a FIEL (Faith) conference during the days and hear some speakers from Brazil and the States. This is more geared for Mozambican pastors and one of the very few opportunities they have to be together in a non-denom setting. We have sponsored three other couples to attend and will be able to just 'be' with them outside of church and home settings. It has been fun for me to hear their reactions and thoughts about the material taught as many have never attended a conference before.

So....normalcy...HA!

And during all this i have to organize the next classes which will grow by two again...bring me up to 7 classes a week! Yikes. OH!!! Two students so far have scored 100% on their final exams! Praise God and Kudos to them for their hard work.

That is the news...
And i am out of here.

2009-05-06T13:33:00.002+03:00

Before i forget....

I just wanted to say a big thank you for your generosity in supporting us. Weither it be through kind words, financial support or packages sent to us, THANK YOU. We know these times are tough for all of us.

I just wanted you all to know we are continually amazed by God's provision (through you) for us. Although at times things look bleak and news from home sounds bad, God comes through. Please do not stop believing this for us or yourselves.

As far as packages---we love them--- if we have not thanked you for one it isn't because we are ungrateful but it is probably because we haven't received it! (Drop us a note if you sent something out.)

Ok folks, off to the village to give a exam on Genesis, part one. This group is eager and applying the stuff to their lives. It is exciting and humbling to be here and do this work. Thanks for your part in making it happen...and continue to happen.

Later,
Kevin

2009-05-05T15:39:00.003+03:00

Anniversary.

Usually a happy time of cake and games, presents and fun. Today i remember Tabitha. It has been five years now and life has continued to test, challenge, entertain and grow us. Thankfully during the same time God has been faithful and guided, goaded, comforted and loved us.

It was with great joy i held her and moments later with great sadness watched her go. But I now find myself content, strangely, no longer bitter at her maker or angry for only giving her a incredibly short life. As time goes by i think it is easier to rest in the knowledge that those in Christ who pass before us are indeed in a better place. The pain is still there but the need for understanding or reasons fades. because truthfully, the reasons are always elusive and some of the biggest questions are not answered here.

She is buried in Ohio but still lives on with us.

Happy Birthday little one. Until one day....
Dad

2009-04-05T09:16:00.003+03:00

So it was palm Sunday last week. The day Jesus entered Jerusalem and all the peeps thought, 'now we will get some results!' It is thought that many were waiting for Jesus to make his public announcement of defiance or fighting against the Roman tyranny...
Boy were they let down. Instead of entering in a parade on a noble steed with solders and powerful men at his side he entered a lesser used gate to the city on a donkey. A DONKEY! Where was the defiance? Where was the power play? Where was the displacing of the corrupt leaders?

He was riding on a donkey, going to celebrate quietly with his friends the Jewish Passover. A remembrance of when God spared the firstborns while they were slaves in Egypt some years earlier. Ohh how different this passover would be.

He came to Jerusalem to die. Not to rule. He did come to conquer...He came to conquer death...not Rome.

This week as i have been trying to reflect and prepare a sermon for easter i am astounded by the lack of understanding the disciples had about what was to happen, and equally taken aback when i read what they did afterwards through the power of the Holy Spirit.

As yesterday we remembered his torture, his ridicule and finally death today we are left in silence. Remembering a world without Christ. I imagine his followers hanging their heads and walking away. I think i know that feeling. When my preconceptions of who he is or what i thought he would do just do not match up, and i, like them turn away and ponder. What are our misconceptions? What is it we think he should do for us?

Today i encourage you to take a quiet day and think of what he did, to imagine yourself there. To examine your thoughts on what you think he should be or do for you.

And tomorrow....well tomorrow we rejoice when we find out he did more than we could have imagined.

2009-03-27T19:51:00.002+03:00

Inspire me.

This was my request today. My family and i have been ill with a virus--rather nasty one- for the last two weeks and we all are tired but surviving. So today as i sat thinking i was better and broke out in a fever and wheezing/coughing. I asked for inspiration. So i did a quick Internet search.

I read the pithy statements, i looking at the inspirational posters and saw a plethora of 'motivational stories'. They didn't cut it. I needed more. Then i noticed a blog and he (Thanks Travis at travjohnson.wordpress.com) listed 15 things that inspire him about the man Jesus. Then he opened it up for others to add their thoughts too. The list ended up like this.

1. He was born in a barn.
2. He was true to His friends, even the one that was not true to Him.
3. He loved to work with his hands and create things.
4. He committed major social faux pas because it was the right thing to do.
5. He knew how to draw a crowd and drive His point home.
6. He knew how to get away from the crowd.
7. He rejected religious thinking in favor of thinking that honored God.
8. He enjoyed eating and hanging out with people who thought differently than he did.
9. He got severely ticked off at people who claimed to be religious leaders but did everything they could to discredit the name of God so they could instead advance their own agendas.
10. He left a legacy of compassion, strength, commitment, and trust for those He led.
11. He genuinely loved people.
12. He was totally human with emotions, a rational mind, and spirituality.
13. He affirmed the Scriptures while ridiculing the "cultural baggage" that had been added to the message of Jehovah over the years.
14. He was thinking about His mom as He took His last breaths.
15. He left life as an earthly man by giving words of empowerment to ordinary humanity.
16. He empowered the masses with the words "Go" and "Love."
17. He showed me how to “live” and how to “die.”
18. He fed the hungry, and created more hunger in those who were already “full”.
19. He wept over the loss of friends.
20. His feet got dirty
21. He liked to take long walks
22. He teach Pardon to whom that hurt us because they doesn’t know the trust.
23. He taught it is more important to give and depend on Him.

Now, i thought, that is a pretty good list. It helped me. Really. But i thought we could all add one more and there was one i found missing....

24. He loved(s) me enough to die

So as i stubble and strive through this life i need only look one place, at one man. He IS my inspiration.

So, note to self, no more whining, rest up, there is work to do.

2009-03-09T20:25:00.005+03:00

Tragedy and loneliness.

Real tragedy, the lose of a child or spouse...or job or simply the realization that we are not living up to all we really can be are all things VERY difficult to swallow.

Presently i am going through a personal tragedy but for numerous reasons not at liberty to discus. Beyond myself, my grandmother is banging on the gate of heaven and as my family watches it is hard to imagine life without my dear old Nana. Cantankerous, whiny, shrinking....yet you knew she loved you. She will be number four grandparent we will have lost while out of America. Lost. Tragedy. Maybe not for her, her pain will have ended and she will be whole again, maybe she will meet long lost friends...maybe she will be surprised who is there to greet her.

Still for us here, we have tragedy, we feel loss, we have pain. Yet we go on. I received an email from a fellow misso in Africa and maybe in a month it will resonate more, but there were simply too many words. He could have summed it up in a phase....our perspective is short and really, really SMALL. For that truth alone i love him. I did need to hear.

I also like the Jewish idea of 'sitting shiva'. Those who are grieving sit for a week and friends and family visit them, don't initiate talking, care for the broken hearted and comfort them with their presence (very similar to what is supposed to happen here). Just being there with. At times it is best to drop the small talk and shut up. For this we have been grateful for those who have been with us, not to give answers but to be with us and give support during hard times. I remember after the death of our daughter a friend came to the house and just gave me a hug and cried. It was awesome, he was truly with us.

And that brings me to loneliness. Knowing someone is with you is sometimes all it takes to help pull us through a rough patch. Knowing the God of the universe is with you, that his Holy Spirit lives in us is strength and knowing we are surrounded by a 'cloud of witnesses' can be impetus for not giving up.

So. For my brother going through so much change, i am with you. For my other brother at a precipice of decisions and responsibility, i am with you too. For my mom sitting beside her mother, watching her fade, i am with you too. For others who do not share your pain or tragedy easily---i am with you too, i know the feeling.

And maybe, just maybe it isn't about knowing everything, but being together, if nothing else, in spirit.

May God's peace be yours as it is mine and may today find you not so alone.

2009-02-20T06:58:00.003+03:00

Ok, I am alive!
For valentines day i 'celebrated by throwing up and laying in bed with a 103 fever. Yeha.

Yup, after two years my inconsistency caught up with me and one of those little buggers (mosquitoes) found me with my defenses down. Ah, malaria. Really quite a pain, in so many ways.

But let me back up. Two weeks ago i was on my way back from one of the village classes with a pastor on the back of the moto with me and we attempted to leave a tire rut and the front tire slid under and we tumbled over. We weren't going fast or anything but i saw him yesterday and his sores are still healing. The next day after teaching we as a family heading to the beach for some R&R and we swam and snorkeled for two days and headed home again. The day following i came down with malaria (oblivious to the growing infection in my leg). After a few days delirious, taking serious meds i recovered enough to realize my leg was killing me only to find a red, hot, swollen sore...ugh. So we started the wrong kind of antibiotics.....until i finally called my dr. friend and he got us on the right track and now it is much better!

So. Besides that our internet was out for 8days (someone stole the fiber optic cable that runs along the road to the coast)and the boys have been sharing a a bacterial infection called impetigo--nasty skin thing). Cami is doing well...graciously caring for all us. I gave her the day off yesterday and she went to a guest cottage the other side of town and had some alone/down time int he quiet a/c. I must do that more. She deserves it!

So, now you know. where i have been and now i am back. Will write more---'spiritually' soon.

Peace out.
Kevin

2009-01-16T15:54:00.005+03:00

You know you are your fathers son when...

Your wife comes home to find you with two boxes of assorted nuts bolts and screws and you're not only overjoyed but thoroughly engrossed in sorting them out into nice little piles only to discover you have nowhere to put them.

Ok, it started in that i needed some screws and deep in the bowels of the dependencia (small out building), swarming with mosquitoes--yes the malaria kind, i found long lost box of stuff. Doesn't sound all that exciting until you realize here in Nampula you can go around to 5 different "hardware" stores and still not find the right size screw you are looking for, in fact it may not exist in the country at all! Anyway, i was happy. After a disappointing morning in the village with only two of thirteen showing up for our first class (planting time!) i needed some accomplishment. So i sorted.

What was really funny was that i consciously knew i would make my Dad proud if he could see me for sorting and saving these bits...and then i turned to Cami and said in all seriousness, "Now all i have to do is wait until someone says they need a nut or certain size screw and i can help them out, willn't that be great!?" With a sigh and "yup," Cami said, "now you are your father".

I don't know, doesn't seem like such a bad thing. Love ya Dad.

2009-01-16T09:14:00.004+03:00

2009-01-07T18:21:00.003+03:00

Silent.
Very silent.

Seems towards the end of last year i became...despondent. Here we call it burn-out.

I have been distant from my friends, family and sadly, God.

So over our break over December i did some soul-searching and found myself wanting. I have been so task oriented and preoccupied with the wrong questions that i felt empty. It is a terrible thing to feel empty. To feel what you do doesn't really matter, that in this world nothing will change. That we have no effect on the restlessness and fear in the hearts of those we love.

So i have been thinking and praying. You would find me talking on the beach as if to myself. You would hear me mumble and sing quietly while everyone was sleeping. I thought about Jesus. I thought about the beginning of his love. The beginning of my relationship with him. Where have i gone? What has happened? I remember deep feelings, of hearing him in the wind, of being lost in wonder--often. O f being lost in love with my creator and friend.

So i am retreating to the beginning. Before the silence.

I have gone back to reading the Bible from Genesis where out of the silence God spoke and there was. Where he separated dark from light, gathered the land together, spoke trees and plants, animals and birds and fish into existence. When he set stars in motion and the earth spinning to govern the time and give order to our days. He blessed it all. He said it was good. And then he made you and i to rule, manage, enjoy and take care of this creation. And then he said it was VERY good. But better yet is what we find after that. God walked with Adam. He strolled with him. They sat together, God would call the animals in front and Adam would name it. I picture them sitting as friends on a smooth rock chatting, admiring the garden, the creation possibly silent, knowingly, in union and agreement. Knowing what they have between them is different than all this. Relationship between creator and creation is special, but relationship between man and his God is deeper, stronger, intimate. And it can be silent.

It is a beautiful picture. Silence. Well, i realized that for the last 6 months i have been failing to remember this. The world i live in is hurting, struggling and at times, dieing. Believers i know live between fear and fate. I have walked slowly away looking for Him when all the while he had been waiting for me. Quietly, patiently waiting for me, to sit, to agree with him, to remember things. And that is what i have started to do. But it is difficult to be quiet. To see the terrible work of our own hands against one another. To see Satan stealing faith and joy, to not become angry, hut, despondent. Yet, i know now, again that in this world of pain and suffering there is glory. There is peace beyond the surface of our circumstances. There is silence that is love.

I think this silence is bigger than love. This thing, this love began before we existed, God loved us, wanted us to share HIM. I think what exists between man and God is larger than we can imagine. Richer, fuller, more peaceful and full of grace than we can imagine. And this the beginning i am returning to this year.

Or at least that is what i hear on this smooth rock with my God.

2008-10-31T19:12:00.003+03:00

Speechless.

One of our supporting churches where we attended our last 4 years stateside has burned to the ground. The River Church in Poughkeepsie, NY, was our church home for a few important years for us and we feel the lose. Housed in a 100-year old building it apparently simply caught fire due to old wires or an acident and the oldest part of the church burned down.

I don't know how the church will react but am sure they will grow through the experience. They are a group of remarkable people who love Jesus, led by Pastor Marlow who is the embodiment of passion and enthusiasm for the things of God.

Pray for them as they rebuild....or find another location...or build anew.

Here is a link to the local news paper article.

http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/article/20081031/NEWS05/810310346&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL

2008-10-20T20:45:00.008+03:00

Lilini

Went out of town this Sunday on a visit to Lilini...it was great and a real challenge as there were trees down over the 'road', riverbeds (dry now) to cross and the last 45 minutes we made a road out of a footpath. They said in the rainy season it is impassable accept by tractor or bike (which you carry through the river!).

By car we covered 30 kms in 2 hours. By foot they walk for 20-24 hours to get to the village. Needless to say they were very happy to see us. I traveled with 5 of my students and we were able to stop and encourage another church along the way.

It is dry season now so all of the harvesting is over and nothing grows. They wait for the rains to start again in December. From august to December, no rain. They call it the season of hunger. AND yet, when we left they sent us with gifts for each. One pastor got a bag of beans, i got a stalk of bananas and another got some flour. Out of their meager, subsistence they give.

Truly amazing people.

If you ever had the dream to "get off the grid" you can do it here in Moz by only driving a mere 20 miles off the paved road. They had everything they needed minus access to the outside world, medical care or our modern 'necessities' like running water and electricity. They had fruit trees, pigs, goats, chickens...in the rainy season their fields are filled with corn, manioc and peanuts. BUT, if they get really sick...or injured, they are in serious trouble.

All i can say is i pray my students will take back their understanding and knowledge to these churches in the future. They live in difficult conditions at best and little access to the outside world. They are hungry for hope and Jesus. They want to know Him, they want to have a hope in and beyond this world. I pray somehow this will be communicated to them, through me and others.

In their beautiful, but harsh setting they are willing to work, they are willing to sacrifice and be dependant on God for so much. May they truly know Him too.

2008-09-22T12:10:00.009+03:00

Hit by a (mini) bus, broke, literally run into by a kid fleeing another accident...insulted, tired, terrified, uncomfortable and unable to go anywhere. Ben in this picture there sums up how i felt.

So after a horrendous week, i sat thinking about my friends son who died a few months ago, about the poverty i am currently experiencing, about the friends who don't write, about my son who got bit by our VERY big dog, , about my best friend in Iraq, about how daily i hear bad news here (be it robbery, sickness or death), about the distance between me and those i love...

And them i began to cry. Not out of sorrow but thankfulness. And not because of my age old retort of 'it could always be worse'...(although it could) but rather because in this time of trials and testing i find the things that matter most to me, actually matter most. My belief that God is ultimately good in all He does, that indeed in some mysterious way the Holy Spirit abides-lives -dwells in me, the relief to know that even surrounded by trouble and pain i can hear God and that when i feel most alone i am with those who love me (even in my self pity). These things matter most.

Sometimes i think we need to get real low to see what we are doing or believing. It is as if when we are feeling well we are unable to see ourselves clearly. I have the tendency to simply ignore the inner workings of my soul if only my 'out-workings' are going well. The circumstances and feelings will always move on and change. There is an perpetual motion to how our lives flow but within this we can be constant with some things--the most important things. Our faith and beliefs, our reactions and thoughts in response to hardships and pain.

I believe in grief there is a peace, in suffering there is a release of all we want. In hardship there can be great power.

We do not have to search for bad news or hardship. It is easy to find a cause to sacrifice to. But much harder is to be at peace with yourself...and with God and that is my prayer for you today. Think on what matters most to you...and may it truly be what matters most.

2008-08-26T13:08:00.003+03:00

Chickens...

We here in nampula have a egg problem....at times you can not find them or when you do by the time they reach us they are spoiled and rotting....yes, ick. So, other missionary friends of ours imported layers adnhave been providing (selling) fresh home-grown eggs to some of us. It has been great! Well, next month the family is going home on home assignment and at the end of the week the ladies will come to live here in the little coop we made in our back yard for them.

"Yeah!" and "What am i getting myself into?" We are looking forward to having our new egg producing pets, and hey, if they don't produce, off with their heads and into the pot!

2008-08-25T19:31:00.004+03:00

Mecuburi: A normal church visit
Went to visit the church of two of my students about 30 miles from Nampula. We traveled this interstate (really) and it was in great condition due to no rain for months, only 15 miles 'washboard'. It was really a beautiful ride through the granite hills and i enjoyed the company of one of the pastors who caught a ride with me. We talk about rites of passage, cultural issues and of course, marital issues.

We arrived at this little church outside of the village of Mecuburi and the ladies were already starting to prepare our lunch at 8:30am. This is becuase they were cooking for 'the honored missionary' and 25 people---all over a wood fire in the ground.

I was able to peruse my sermon for an hour as we waited for others to show up and i got to chat with the men about money and marital issues (hey, they bring this stuff to get my opinion). I have to say the service was nice. It is a small group and they are a independant Church of Christ, so they have autonomy. Which means they function as a group...but is also means they can function as a mob. Anyway, this group was nice and during the service indivuduals expressed their opinions and were very interested to hear mine. Funny what comes back to you when put on the spot about church governace and restoration of fallen believers.

After a very short 2 1/2 hour service we ate communially (well, men in the little shade house and women and children under the cashew tree). Lunch consisted of 'shima', which is the daily starch staple which you use as a spoon to scoop out your 'matapa' (anything made with peanuts, greens and oil) and 'caril' (anything made with some form of meat, lots of oil, tomatoes and onions). To my delight i was informed that they pulled out all the punches and bought dried shrimp....unshelled, salted, petrified, gritty baby shrimp. Ok, the flavor wasn't terrible but the chrunch and grit was a tad much. So i enjoyed the matapa and shima (really, i like the stuff). When i informed them i was gettting ready to leave i was asked to give a ride to some of the folks and said sure. So, with a car full of 10 peolpe, one chicken (their gift to me along with a bunch of sugercane and peanuts) and pots and large cooking pans on the roof i said farewell.

Who says this isn't fun?

2008-08-19T08:22:00.004+03:00

For those of you who missed one of the most unmemorable international holidays, yesterday was in fact my birthday! And it was good. Quiet and good.

For those who sent cards and messages, thanks!

Spent the day with the family and didn't answer my cell phone! Friends came over in the afternoon for cake and a chat. It was a bittersweet time with them as they are gearing down from full-time ministry here and they will be sorely missed by many. Cami then made me hamburgers and french fries which were delicious! Oh! Almost forgot, two neighbor woman came over and out of her wrap she presented me with a traditional gift....a live chicken. So now we have one more 'pet' running around the yard. Only wonder how long the dogs and cats will leave him alone....before we eat him! hehehe

I guess the best thing i received for my birthday is the realization that i do not feel old. In fact in the things most important i am young. My love for Cami continues to grow, not diminish with time and my boys keep me wanting to play like a child. And i ever want to be closer to God. Speaking with an american friend of mine, it was funny we constantly want to improve thing, the house, the car, the marriage, the relationships.....but i find now i am truly content with what i have at the same time.

I am blessed to still be alive and loved.

So happy birthday to me. And to you as well. Enjoy the day all.

His,
Kevin

2008-08-04T18:54:00.001+03:00

Just another dusty sunset in Nampula.
Goodnight all.

2008-07-01T21:54:00.005+03:00

Dad, what does the devil sound like?

We had read our books, talked through the day and he wanted to know the answer. Ok, 'bible-teacher-man'...'joe-missionary'........DAD.....Ugh.

My first thought was he/it is the sweetest sound you have ever heard. But at other times it is a murmur drowning out everything. Or is it the whisper of self-righteousness or possibly it is the sound of a far fetched idea which will no doubt lead you away from a truer path. Or it is the ever-so-near sound of fear of things that are unknown--but possible....although far-fetched. Or it is an remembrance of something you have forgiven someone...the seed of bitterness creeping in? Or disappointment that things didn't go exactly how we wished/prayed or asked? Or possibly, just possibly does it sound like us talking to ourselves? alone in the dark feeling...sorry for ourselves?

You see i've been studying Ephesians as of late and come to the conclusion that this Satan/Devil/fallen-angel...is real, is crafty and very busy. The Bible uses words like 'cunning' and 'deceitful' and 'prowls around seeking whom he may devour'. Sounds rather sneaky and, well down right scary. I believe somehow he speaks to us, all of us and by any means necessary draws us away from God who loves us and wants to know us. But I think he does get tired--if he is a created being (fallen angel and all) and yet he is smart enough to know his demise is coming. He isn't a god or even close to the enormity of our creator...in fact he isn't too much different than us. Funny thought though, he was created to worship but choose not to. It appears to me that angels and man have a choice to worship and know this God the creator or...NOT. I think about this with my Toby and pray he chooses to know God. That he doesn't listen to the lies and the ideas that will lead him away form trusting and knowing this God. That he willn't rather be on his own seeking his own betterment and glory. Because that is not what he was created for, but that is another subject altogether.

So whatever it is that draws you further form the truth, whatever tempts you to not trust, whatever makes you think you are alone, worthless, not-quite-good-enough, or all powerful, really swell and in control......guess who's talkn'.

So, Toby, he sounds different to different folks but he always leads you astray either with the truth or a lie....but usually a lie...he isn't your friend and doesn't care about you at all, he is in it for himself. Don't be fooled my boy, there is only One who really loves you well and sorry to say although i try, it ain't me.

2008-06-30T21:27:00.002+03:00

HELP needed: Cell phone advice

Ok, nothing terribly serious but i am a tad lost in this matter.

I need to buy a cell phone. Yup, technology. Funny one would think in this the 'less developed' part of the world (Mozambique) one wouldn't need one. BUT, here is the thing, we don't even have a land line. Our internet is via antenna on the roof and all our other communication is via SMS and cell calls. This is true in most of southern Africa because one can choose how much one wants to talk and know in advance what is is going to cost. Even out in the bush cell phones usually get reception and can be a lifesaver.

So, I have been looking for a qwerty, GSM, unlocked, quad-band, touch screen, camera phone.

Oh, i don't have the $500 to buy a new one so wil most likely be at the whim of ebay....and although they all look very slick and helpful but which one is better than the than the other? If you ave any experience or info please comment below!

I appreciate the advice.

2008-05-28T21:24:00.008+03:00

Lifer

I have been a prisoner here for a long time, so long in fact all the walls have fallen down and i no longer know where my oppressors are or can even find a sign of a guard or warden. But fortunately i no longer need one. I have become so accustomed to this prison that i cannot leave. I think i like the solitude and isolation. I haven't spoken to anyone about my crime for a long time and have almost forgotten what it is. The fact is, i am comfortable here in my private little hell. Is that language to strong for you, so sorry. But, this is hell, i am isolated from those who love me. My heart is cold, beyond hurting. My tears have all been cried in a thousand attempts of rationalization, explanation and finally penance. Strangely though, i could never quite let go of the feeling of guilt. It is like i want to let go and get out of here but can't. I guess i have convinced myself i can't get out.

So here i sit. In a jail, staring at a wall with only a barred window. Funny, i heard i was actually set free long ago but couldn't believe it, so i stayed. In fact, part of me likes being guilty because then i am in control. Kind of messed up huh? I know. But if i accept this pardon, if i become free, then i am duty bound to be thankful to my liberator. So i would rather struggle through this crape by myself, remaining alone. Some would call my process 'self righteousness'. I don't know what this means, but i have a feeling it doesn't work. I do think it is easier to live here in this prison, forgetting about what i have done and just live this dismal life, than come to terms with a liberator.

But i am intrigued. This liberator. Who is this? What is in it for him? Nothing but knowing me? Strange dude. And he has the authority and power to free me...hmm. Wow, he must have some kind of connections. What, you say he didn't use them. He WHAT? You're shitn' me. He wants to take my place and set me free? This guy is crazy. What, his dad is the guy in charge, the guy who set the rules. And it is his DAD who wants to know me? Weird. But there must be another way he could have pulled this off. Wow. I am mystified. Not sure i can trust a self-sacrificing powerful individual, than again i certainly don't trust myself anymore either!

But, back to me. So, i have sat here in my filth for a long time. I know i can't get up and move on my own at this point. It is going to take a lot more than i have to offer. Like i said, i tried this self-righteous thing and it didn't work. I used to look around and see others here and think i wasn't so bad, but recently i can't find anyone...then i tried to earn my way out of here but couldn't shake the guilt thing. No matter what i did i just couldn't get rid of it. In the end i just felt more defeated and weaker than when i started. So, i sit.

Good. What do mean good!? You're saying my weakness is my hero's greatest strength and in fact his key to setting me free? So, if i don't get to the place where i know i can't escape, if i don't admit i am never going to be able to get myself free, i never will be? Geesh. Sounds confusing.

In a nutshell, the big cheese, head honcho, sends his kid in my place but it will only work if i admit i need him. Unbelievable. Strange to think all this time i have been thinking i would someday do it on my own. I thought it was the only way out. But you're telling me the very weakness i am afraid to admit, the very fear and inadequacy i hate to admit is my ticket to freedom. And this freedom isn't just a ticket out of this stinkhole but actually a invitation to know the boss. I can actually know the guy in charge? He wants to know me...that much. I better sit down and think about it for awhile.

Maybe i can accept being saved,

then again,

maybe i can't.

2008-05-27T10:55:00.006+03:00

Well with great sadness my parents have gone home. Yes, after being in our house for six weeks we were still sad they left. Their time here confirmed that i am blessed and we are loved. There were no movie scenes of splendor or gut wrenching moments. We simply had a really good time and enjoyed each others presence....which brings us to the fact that they are now gone for at least another year and unless tragedy (or windfall!) brings us to the states we have no way to see them. So, it is with great sadness i report we had a really great time.

Between trips to the beach in Nacala, Toby's Masai birthday party (including blood-like milk and spear-throwing contests), picnics in the bush, eating out, wonderful trips to Chocas de Mar where we stayed literally 30 feet from the beach as well as a interesting and educational visit to Ilha de Mocambique (oldest western structure still standing in southern Africa outside the 500 year old Portuguese fort) we managed to spend lots of time resting and relaxing, playing with the boys.

For our last 'cultural event' we took them to was a church service in which they were presented gifts. It was wonderful to see the church we honor them. Some in the church are close friends of mine and although it was a short service (2.5 hours) they were glad to have been there and enjoy worship in a different language and culture.

Funny, i remember something like them saying the house is quiet without the kids around (me and my brother) and we kind of feel the same. It is strange not to have them here with us. So.

Farewell Mom and Dad. Thank you for all you brought, gifts, physical help, fixing stuff...but mostly thanks for bringing yourselves.

We love you.

2008-04-17T18:38:00.002+03:00

Just a happy personal note.
I went to Kenya for a week to attend a conference. The conference was very good, the people were nice and Nairobi certainly had better shopping. YET...I was sooooo very happy to go home to mOZ. Strange, i was glad to hear Portuguese again (not quite as happy to speak it) and over all really happy to return to this somewhat 'lagging' part of the world.

Yes, i missed my wife and kids greatly and had a wonderful welcome home...to be followed by Cami leaving just three days after for SA for knee surgery. She is fine and actually, get this, picking my folks up at the airport on their way here for a visit. Yes, this was arranged. They are coming to help me and see he grandkids while Cami is down getting surgery...and will be here for weeks to follow as well when Cami is back.

So. I went away and came back, my wife left me and now my folks are coming to stay with me!

We men here are excited...but praying Cami's surgery goes well and she rushes back!

So. I may not write for a while although i want to share some thoughts from the conference.....and i will.

Until then!

2008-03-27T07:28:00.002+03:00

Here's the numbers for you about Mozambique...and things are getting better these days!

* -It's the 4th Country with lowest development index: 0,322;
* -It's the 5th country with more cases of Malaria: 18%;
* -It is the 5th country with more people malnourished: 54%;
* -It's the 6th country with less percentage of children in school: 23%;
* -It's the 9th country with the highest rate of infantile mortality: 20%;
* -It's the 7th country with the lowest percentage of feminine literacy, compared to masculine: 48%
* -It's the 9th country with the lowest education index: 0,37;
* -It's the 10th country with more AIDS infected adults: 13%;
* -It's the 11th country with the lowest income per-cápita: 697;
* -It's the 13th poorest country. 38% live with less than 1 dollar per day;
* -It's the 15th country with the lowest life expectancy: 44 years;
* -It's the 16th country with less investment in health, per-capita: 8 dollar/year;
* -It's the 16th country with the lowest hope for healthy life: 35 years;

That's the numbers folks....come here and see for yourself. Life is HARD here. Did i mention child trafficking, widespread corruption, domestic inequality and violence?? What about (what we call) witch craft?

In all this MANY are coming to be of help. To bring love, peace, jobs, hope for this life and the future. It is exciting to not only see but be a very small part. I hope to promote some of these works here on the blog in the next few months, like the orphanage run by Moises and Connie, the chicken farm 'New Horizons, the Bible School my colleagues teach at and i will share with you about my work a little....

Stay tuned adn pray for Moz please!

2008-03-27T07:04:00.002+03:00

"A pile of manure might be lucky enough to have a flower grow out of it, but that doesn’t change its basic nature." Unknown

2008-03-14T15:04:00.005+03:00

My Kingdom sucks.

I have been feeling pretty good lately and then i realized my kingdom was in disarray, frazzled, chaos. I hadn't spent time with my children..nor did i really want to. My wife threw her back out while managing virtually everything with a bad knee (torn ACL and meniscus) and myself spiritually speaking, was pretty...well dead. Dried up. Tired. Don't get me wrong things are happening, the work is picking up pace, Moz'es are catching the idea of TEE and are excited. Classes have started but will triple in a few weeks. And yet my kingdom (King-of-Dumb maybe)is a mess. Funny. I thought for a while things were good, stuff was getting done, food was on the table, we got through each day...but i wasn't looking closely at my family, my friends, those i care for.

So i started thinking. What should my kingdom look like. Now i talk about kingdom and i think 'sphere of influence', not physical kingdom. What does my immediate world look like? What does the world i influence really consist of. Now for the most part my kingdom is functional and healthy. Yes, we have our problems but no-one is dying presently (in my mind losing a loved one is the only truly bad day). I had gotten meds for my street kid in the city and am trying to find him a ride home to his family. I have organized my classes and have a good plan set in motion. I am being proactive and trying to address issues that most likely will not occur for another year. So why then do i feel like things such a mess. Maybe because my greatest error was what i thought this kingdom should look like or more likely should i have a kingdom of my own t all! I thought i was in control, that i could deal with stuff and handle situations when in truth, when i try, things usually get worse. For example my careful planning has hit nothing but delays, my wife's health continues to limp along and last night my eldest, Toby (5yr old) came down with some pretty bad croup...my darling wife goes and (doesn't) sleep next to him and i start thinking maybe i am missing something here. We have bickered more lately and i have been short tempered with the boys and less apt to listen to them. I kept thinking what happens to me doesn't effect those around me. When in fact my heart, my attitude greatly affect all those around me. So what should my kingdom look like? What do i expect it to look like when i am a mess?

So i went back to the Book. It says Jesus was near his home town and the surrounding area and after a while he started saying stuff like, 'the kingdom of God is like a...juice box'. Ok, so he didn't day 'juice box' but what he did say is just as weird to me. All three synoptic gospels (those that are similar and agree for the most part) mention the interaction in which Jesus says the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, yeast, a treasure, a merchant or pearl and a net. In all inferences there seems to be something missing. The big, flashy, awe-inspiring WOW of the greatness of the kingdom. Although one is treasure it is buried and kept hidden withinthe filed. In each of the others the kingdom is diminutive and small (yeast and seed) or at best it costly but not real noticeable (pearl). I wonder on this because i always thought kingdoms, 'spheres of influence' would be noticeable, like a big neon sign over your head.
"YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE KINGDOM OF...BE YE INFLUENCED ". I kept thinking it was mine...that i knew how to manage a kingdom. I read the books on being influential and leadership...i fell for the lies.

In all my plans, all my 'influence', i never sought to be inconspicuous. I wanted to be noticed, if not noticed, at least influential, when all along Jesus was saying 'serve', 'do it quietly', 'be like me, incredibly powerful but never drawing attention to my self.' So, i have ended up back on my knees realizing to lead i need to serve, to guide and influence my children, my wife, my teammates and students, i have to become LESS. More than that i need to be living for another King...and His kingdom, His way.

So maybe it isn't my kingdom at all that i need to find. Maybe i will find His kingdom kneeling next to kid as he sleeps and praying over him. Or doing the dishes and organizing the dinner so my wife won't have to think about it. Maybe it is about treating those things/people who are dearest to me with the utmost gentleness and care...and doing it quietly. Maybe in this kingdom--His kingdom there should be limit to how loud one should be. Maybe, just maybe, I will find those things which are most dear, those pearls, treasures in the quiet--revolutionary kingdom. Being a servant i will find others receive peace and worth and joy. When i treasure those moments with friends or the laughing with Toby and Ben, then i will be a good influence. Remember the inference to a net, maybe when i spread kindness and dare i say sacrificial love, like a net falling where it may i will affect others. I tell you this sounds a lot easier than having to rule a kingdom and have it all figured out and be in control (in a controlling way). There is freedom and joy in this kingdom. Peace and reliance on God in this kind of living.

Now that would be a place i want to live. I'm giving it a new try....

2008-02-19T17:09:00.003+03:00

Bom, Macacu and Ime fyne.

The words of my youngest son just, 'get me'. You know what i mean? I wonder if our unintelligible words delight God? You know, when you bump your foot or you have a moment of clarity and just mutter in amazement.
And you know that sparkle in the eye of your child. I hadn't seen it for a while and i bet ya God sees it in us everyday. I have been so...busy (stupid/undisciplined) i haven't taken the time to enjoy my kids. I haven't sat on the bed and let them jump on me or 'rastle' with my 5yr old! What is wrong with me? and then i keep thinking that the same thing that is wrong with me and my relationships here is wrong with my relationship with God. I'm telln' ya, 5 minutes with God in the am isn't enough. I want more. More damn it.
And then Jesus came and said "YES, me too". God said, "I want more, I want to be with you like back when in the garden when you didn't know you were naked....when we walked together."
And i mutter unintelligible words and He understands and even delights in them. He loves me. He sees the sparkle in my eye. He knows me and loves me anyway.

So thank you God for Ben. Thank you for Toby. Thank you for reminding me who i am to you.

Peace all over you out there.

2008-02-11T19:03:00.000+03:00

You will never have the life you see in the movies.

Stop it. Stop kidding yourself. You will not be glamorous or walk down some red carpet in Hollywood. You will not be greeted by dignitaries or world leaders. You will not be handed wads of cash and have a bottomless bank account. You will not own your own jet or island. You will most likely not be rich and famous. Get over it. Deal.

You will have to do your own laundry. You will have to pay for car repairs and fly economy class. You will struggle to make ends meet and probably go into debt sometime or another. You may have a wonderful spouse and family but will have days of sadness and days when the kids are driving you absolutely crazy.

This is called life. It is not the end.

For the most part we spend our time doing the boring daily stuff. Life is usually not exciting. For this traveler life usually feels like…well, work. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my life and am very happy with my job, my wife and kids and how most of my days go. But…but, sometimes I am fooled to think that I should be living some different life. I shouldn’t have to work so hard to make ends meet or to maintain a relationship. Sometimes, sometimes I am even tired of being religious. There are days it seems like a long one-way conversation with God with Him off doing his own thing; like playing perfect golf or If He were me (and I am glad He s not) He would be out riding the motorcycle, playing volleyball or basketball, even out spear fishing (and actually getting some beauties to roast over the fire…hmmm, didn’t he cook fish on the shore somewhere?).

Some days are just hard. The bills pile up the debt somehow gets out of control, the family is a mess and I (we?) sit and wonder, “What happened here?” And then to make it worse we see some add or some tv show or worse yet, a Hollywood movie and our mind starts thinking crazy stuff, that our lives would be better if they were like those in the movies. Better. Now here is the thing. All those things, adds, tv, movies…ARE NOT REAL.

So I need to remind myself, what IS real. What is real is my family and although we can drive each other nuts we have a love, a bond which is not crazy or fake or fabricated. My wife loves me. Really. I know, I am amazed as well. I do have friends. They do care. That is real. The debt, the tooth ache, the screaming kids, and well sure they are real too but are also passing.

So back to not being rich or famous…still stands. The majority, like 99.9999% of us will not be famous. But to those who love you. You are. You are a king to your kids. You are a hero to your wife when you walk in early from work hand her flowers and after dinner do the dishes. Your kids, shoot man, they think you are superman…wonder woman.
So, you are. Money, interpersonal crap…it will happen, but remember what is most important, what is real is those around you.

On being tired of being religious. Well. Stop being religious and start talking to God, start thanking Him for the air you breath, start reading stuff He designed for you to read. Spend time with Him instead of wishing it were something different. Stop comparing, start living the real life.

And know, that to me, you are all fabulous. Keep the faith and keep it real.

His
Kevin

2008-01-25T06:43:00.000+03:00

Well, it is dawn here and i am alone and awake. The roosters are crowing, the folks are carrying their straw and wood and whatnot on their heads to town to sell up our long hill and i thought i should share a little.
Things here have been...well, hot, muggy and never as you plan. My best laid plans to visit a certain pastor or to go somewhere to preach or teach seem to always be interupted by something else. And that doesn't include the car repairs, house projects and the catastropies of the boys!
So lately i have felt a bit 'dangled' and at times like someone was dunking me deeper and longer to see how long i could tread water or hold my breath. It has been exhausting. I felt i was doing pretty good until i realised the some of the things i was doing. Like; not praying, not reading my Bible, not spending time with other followers of Jesus and not getting any time to be quiet. Now when i saw this i was truly discouraged. And i began to assess and think about what my situation was really. What i found was wonderful.
All this time i felt tested and like someone, ok, God was doing something to me, all the while i was being was held by Him. I wasn't being lowered or dunked but the water was rising and falling, storm surges if you will. I wasn't being tested to see if i would drown, but was being pulled out before i did. This thin thread i was hanging on was in fact saving my life. Like a puppet realising he is indeed free to move around but the master is going to hold the strings for his own safety... If the puppet runs hard and fast enough the master will not fight with him and he can break free, but will surely drop in a crumpled mess in the dirt. This is me.
The conclusion was quite refreshing, giving me hope and freedom. In fact it gave me peace. I am being constantly rescued. Drawn OUT of the troubles, pulled from the wreackage before it is too late and only need to trust the one holding the string (or lifeline). Ah, but there lies the problem. Trust. Life does look harsh and unfreindly at times. People can be cruel and hurtful and we can choose to blame the one holding the string or accept that this world is hard. I have freinds that say the world will become a better a place by people coming to Christ and following him and his ways. I have other freinds who say the world is going to continue to get worse until Jesus returns and cleans up the mess. Now, i do not know which is true (decide for yourself, but didn't Jesus say 'in this world we would have trouble...and followed it by saying he overcame it'?-apply that!). Before we get theological i would rather let the question go and trust the one who holds me. I would rather follow Jesus, do what he did and make my littel world better while dangling. And to do that, to trust in the one who holding the strings is tough unless we get to know him. Spend time with him, read his stuff, feel the way he feels, and see things the way he sees them. Look at what he has done in the past.
So here i am spending some time with Him and i have to tell you, it is pretty nice to spend time with someone who cares for me more than i have capacity to understand. So if you feel like you are dangling, look up and trust who is holding you.
Until next time.
His,
Kevin

2008-01-12T08:31:00.001+03:00

You ever feel the journey takes longer some days than others? I do.

We just returned from a truly special Christmas with friends south of us and an equally pleasant and restful vacation in Malawi, unfotunately we had to retunr to Mozambique and the problems and challenges we left behind. And they seemed to have multiplied while we were gone (not nice). So i was thinking of all then things i have to get done and all that lies ahead of me and was feeling a bit overwelmed when i remembered some things i have learned in the past...if not repeatedly had to relearn!
1.Life is about relationships. Everything else is bonus or distraction. THis thought came back as i have been reading Donald Miller's book, Searching for God knows what. I have always liked his...well unorthodox way of thinking and he resonated with me over this issue of relationship. HE states we were created to be relationship with God (remember in the garden before the fall, God walked and talked with Adam...)and after the fall we are all born with this need, this hole. Funny even before the fall Adam was given the job to name the creates and couldn't find a suitable helper. He was lonely! He named all the animals--which probably took a LONG time and could not find one to fill the longing in his soul. Okay, so form the begining we find we need GOd and other to be close to us, to be known by them and them to know us. THis is relationship.
2. Priorities are not burdensom. They are things we put first becuase they have the most value. Family, spending time with God. Taking care of our bodies. These are all things we need to set us priorities but not let them become burdens.
3. Lastly. This journey will end here on earth some day. We will not get another chance to do it over if we don't like the weay it turns out. This is our time, our shot at getting it right. Right now, this moment.

These are things i have been pointedly reminded of lately and although i never have been able to follow through on 'resolutions'(these are not resolutions), i can remember when the journey gets difficult and long there are some simple guidelines. I believe God does want us to be happy, but in relation ship to Him and others first, everything else will get done...eventually.

For now it is time to work on the truck, fix the leaking roof, weed the garden, build some gutters and resolve some drainage problems...but we all know hwat i need to do first.

2007-12-13T17:15:00.000+03:00

Hearing something for the first time...
My friend, Alberto, came by to visit the other day. We have been friends for a few months now and i had preached at his church one Sunday months ago. Apparently his church has been asking for me. Now, when a church asks for here in Africa i assume it wants something, I was right. They were hungry for more preaching. HA. I couldn't believe it. Apparently my sermon on the prodigal son (Luke 15)had caught their imagination and hearts and they had been reading and studying it. I am thrilled. I will go back after vacation and preach again.

On a similar note today i started meeting with a bunch of pastors who come in from the district(bush) twice a month to study with me. Well, only one showed up and after waiting the obligatory hour i decided to just open the Bible and start teaching something. So i asked the guy, what do you want to study? He said "Anything!" Ok, that is easy. I turned to the prodigal son story. I assumed he knew the story but when i asked him, he replied he had never heard it! Wow. So i told about the cultural implications about what the son had done and how the father responded in a very unusual way, i shared how the story mirrors God's love for us and how we can either be the younger or older son depending on our attitude. I shared how the Father was always waiting, expecting the son to return and how he restored the son, not just taking him back but elevating and rejoicing in the sons return, regardless of what he had done. As we talked he soaked it up, telling me how it was a great story, something that he had never heard but will share with his church. Wow.

Now, i love the story of the prodigal son. But what i love more is seeing people hear it for the first time. I am shocked that these pastors, these leaders of their Churches don't know such great stuff in their Bible and now i look forward even more to opening it for them and sharing this wonderful story of God's love for each of us wayward children and at the same time i am reading it all for the first time through their eyes. What a privilege!

Maybe we need to forget everything we have been told once and a while and read the story for the first time (again).

2007-11-24T08:36:00.000+03:00

A thanksgiving.

You have a lot to do and you are savoring your morning moment of peace, because they are so rare. You are looking for sustenance in a book, in a word, an encouragement from some old manuscript or forgotten text…and then a face, a familiar smile sidles up to you and pleads with his eyes, ‘just one moment’, ‘just a little, please?’. He hops on your crossed leg foot and starts the game without you and you cannot avoid him now. You have become a stallion, a bronco, a thoroughbred. He rides with ease and delight and as he giggles and bounces you too are smiling now, realizing this is the moment you needed. But the horse tires and you think it is enough, so the foot goes down and he climbs off only to stand at your feet and looking pleadingly up at you.

And as he looks up at you with those huge beautiful eyes you cannot help but be drawn back to him. You cannot help but reach down and pick him up and hold him in your arms. As you bend he mumbles ‘uhp, uhp’ and as you lift him gently he wraps his arms around you and you him. He clings to your neck like a warm towel and sets his head against your shoulders not desperately but settles like a sheet on a bed. Like it was what he was waiting for all day, all week. And as he rests against you and babbles his thoughts and dreams you feel the love coursing through him to you and you to him.

It is a splendid moment in time. One that if you would prolong you could, but he is off, new things to discover, new breakables to test and boundaries to push. Today will not be a whole lot different from yesterday but who knows. Today he could babble a little more clearly or understand climbing up something includes danger coming down, slowly or very fast. He will learn new things today but what was most important was to feel joy, to share that moment of peace and give away a little of that love that gurgles from deep within him.

Ride on oh Ben and please stop by anytime. And thank you.

2007-11-21T17:59:00.000+03:00

Recently tried to take some pictures of the family to send home...the boys are growing and it has been at least 6 months since the family saw them (outside of skype)...Anyway, at a certain point Toby decided he had a enough and this is how it looked.

2007-11-19T14:49:00.000+03:00

You know that feeling when you have peace? You know, when you just feel right. Not holy or self righteous, but centered and calm. I had one of those moments today and i had forgotten how good they feel. I also immediately afterward felt overwhelmed with the scope of my job here. Oh, well. I had my moment now i have to find another one. I am going to try harder to find them...now that i remember what they feel like. I am also going to help C find them as well. Maybe she needs one more then me?

So...sit back, turn on some music,go for a bike ride, walk the dog, play with the kids, do whatever it is you do to feel peace and enjoy. It is on the house, a freebie from me to you.

Cheers

2007-11-10T17:54:00.000+03:00

I wish you could see the fresh road burn...but you wouldn't want to anyway.

I am telling you this because i haven´t returned ´home´ to tell my lovely wife yet...and somehow it is easier to tell an anonymous screen how stupid i can be.

We have been living in the bairro (nice word for slum) this week with VERY nice family and trying to learn about Mozambican culture and life. It has been educational and at times fun. Unfortunately it has also been in the high 90´s and above every day and needless to say we don´t have ac, in fact they don´t have running water. Every morning they (the teenagers of the house) go fetch it from up the ´street´ which looks more like a washed out garbage dump. And the biting ants! They think we are tasty. Anyway, today is our second to last day and the man of the house left to do some business so i got tired of sitting around (which we have done a lot of) and hopped on the motorbike to come and check email (can i tell you there was nothing important, of course not).

Well, listening to the stupid kid that lives inside my head i took off at a nice clip and needed to dodge some speed bumps....i know, right there you know i am in trouble. So i look to the correct side of the street to ride the six inch flat surface between the bumps and the curb but there was a car there so i looked up the road and didn´t see anyone coming and veered the other (WRONG) side to take advantage of that smoothness....and as i got nearer i noticed another motorcycle doing the same thing on his correct side...rats. So i went for the curb thinking maybe the bike could bump over but 9 inches at a slight angle is tough! The bike slid out from under me and i went half running, falling onto the sidewalk. Sheesh.

First for my folks who read this i am fine, really. I have been given some nice scrapes but they will serve me well as reminders not to be stupid. Second...the bike is fine too! 2 scratches and and started right back up.

All this to say, i have to go explain to Cami how right she was when she told me not to go, "just wait, it isn´t worth it". She was right! And prove to her again that she married a grown juvenile. Have a great weekend everyone!

PS This is my first EVER lay down of any motorcycle. I haven´t even had anything happen close jumping out in the quarry! Sheesh.

2007-11-09T10:06:00.000+03:00

I thought my truck was coming back in October so i wrote about it but am going to pick it up only today, the WHOLE story is below in Oct. 21. You think getting your car fixed is hard!

2007-10-23T20:06:00.000+03:00

Relationships
If i believe they are the essential, crucial and the only really important thing in this life, why can't i get them right? I have done a recent quick survey and found the following types of realtionships.

Bending: These are the relationships we are in and love yet they aren't quite what we want them to be. We attempt to get them right but in the end we don't really put forth the effort really needed. Often because what is needed is what the other person needs and we are too selfish or lazy. OR...circumstances test the relationship and it suffers for a time.

Bent: And it may eventually become less than what it could be and is forever bent.

Bruised: These are the relationships are good, most of the time but have underlying hurts done one to the other. Unspoken (because wouldn't it be trite to bring up little things?)and issues never addressed. Therefore the relationship remains on a certain level never to grow never to provide what it should.

Battered: Now these hurt the most because these are usually one-way. The battered usually takes a lot of abuse out of love for the other and the other never figures it out. The relationship stagnates (or breaks) and either one turns to resentment or turns inward with sorrow.

Broken: Ah, the final straw. One says (or doesn't say)to the other i am through...with this...with you. This cuts deep and is hard to forgive.

Now, listen i say these things because currently i am involved in all of them and it is hard some days to keep up, to keep fighting for the relationship as it should be. It is hard to struggle for a relationships when the other appears not to care. (I may be writing out of hurt and if you know who you are write me you butt, what gives?)But please notice that these are relationships, not the people. The people are a whole different barrel of fish. and generally i love fish, no matter how stinky or weirdly colored...or spiny. I really do love you all.

I remember when i started thinking differently about relationships in college and i remember reading my Bible alot and saw how God had relationships with people, not just agreements or contracts. We like to think 'if i do this he/she will do this', or 'if i am this way, he/she will be this way'. But it really doesn't work that way does it? We are often disappointed. God spoke to people (and i believe still does), He spoke directly and often but it required time and energy. Jesus walked miles with his disciples and when he met people he touched them, you can see Jesus looking them in the eye. You see, this kind of relationship, what i call the beautiful, isn't beautiful because it is pretty or easy or always fun, but it is honest and true. It has a level of caring willing to do for the other regardless of what is coming in return. Call it love (check out 1 Corinthians 13). It is a beautiful thing and i need more of it my life because without it i am lost and confused. Oh, and as far as marriage goes for you fundementalisticals, funny when the people quote the Bible one speaks of the women obeying her husband but doesn't it also say the man must lay his life down for his wife (rarely do you hear that in a wedding or sermon...) but that is a beautiful thing, the one dieing for the other.

Now that i have taken this relationship inventory try it yourself. The thing is, what i find is although it is a 'two way street', someone has to start moving and know where you are going and after that it is up to you. It may be hard work but there is nothing like a beautiful relationship.

2007-10-21T19:01:00.000+03:00

A truck tale (in the land of Moz)

We arrived here in Mozambique in March with the expectation we would be able to buy a new double cab Toyota pickup, 4x4 for about 30,000 USD. On arrival we found they cost 44,000 from South Africa (meaning you can get parts through any dealership in Moz) or you could buy a new import for 35,000 from Thailand...or some other Asian destination, this however would pose a problem for the future as Moz Toyota dealers refuse to work on them and the parts may not match. Huh. We didn't have enough money anyway so we started looking at other options and ended up choosing older quality vehicle rather than newer vehicle with other problems (Ford, Mazda and Isuzu have reputations for being beaten to smithereens up here). So i looked in the first city we lived for almost two months and found nothing. I could however import a used Toyota Landcruiser or 4Runner from Japan at a reasonable price (for Moz anyway)but would have to wait 6-8 weeks and pay the 40-80% import tax depending on the year and make. Sheesh. So we decided to move up north to Nampula, use public transport and find a truck up there, surely we would have better luck. Not. After looking for a number of weeks, having various deals fall through due to 'creative African financing plans' (which we didn't want to pursue)or simply being out of our range, we decided to go to the capital to look with a friend and long time missionary here to have his insight and advice. It was a fun trip but not as much fun as car shopping should be. We found a total of 7-8 used car dealers, with only 2 having anything i wanted. In the end i bought a beautiful 1994 Landcruiser. I absolutely LOVE this truck. The only thing i did not like was that it was automatic (but all 5 i found were). We drove down to south Africa for servicing and buy parts and then headed home. First day we traveled 15 hours and reached the Zambezi river where would have to wait for the ferry the next morning. We stopped at one of the only 'camps' which had small bungalows, communal ablution blocks and great steak at their nice but limited restaurant. Did i mention we were not sore or physically fatigued from the drive. Truly a great traveling car (hey, what car isn't that has a built in fridge between the two front seats!).
Side note. The 'interstate' here is at best a two lane paved road and at worst a gravel and water eroded mess (oh, and rainy season the road disappears). Sometimes there are detours which wind through the hillside only to see in the distance the bridge standing finished wanting it's ramps! Another thing is there is A LOT of construction and roads built a few years ago are subject to wash out and serious potholes. And once one crosses the ferry generally the roads only get worse, fuel is harder to find and stops are fewer and farther between. Although the road seems to be improving slowly.
Okay, back to truck. So i got it home and all was well. We were happy. Then after two months the transmission started to sound funny and one week later finally quit. I went to Toyota dealer and was told they don't touch imports (knew that but couldn't hurt for asking). I went to another mechanic and he said he had not worked on an automatic and in fact neither the dealer or the mechanic knew of anyone in Moz (yes, the entire country) which had experience with them! But my mechanic had a better idea. Take the tranny out, all one piece, send to Joberg and have it professionally done there then sent back and reinstalled. Simple. Only wait 6 weeks or so. Well. The first problem was getting it there. To fly it down was an option but the only reasonable one was completely booked for the month. To DHL/UPS would have been astronomical so we started asking around and low and behold a team which had come up from Joberg to help some missionaries were willing to put it in the back of their truck and take it down! Wow. Miracle number one. Unfortunately their truck broke on the way and they had to get friends to rescue them from Joberg and carry their truck and trailer back. So it got there. The repair was done--basically replacing everything inside. Oh,i forgot to mention they had to order the parts from Japan because it wasn't one of the 10 types they had parts for there in South Africa, it was one of the other 16 other types of automatic transmissions! Oh, and then when it did arrive the Toyota dealer 'lost it' so we had to start over again! We finally did receive the part, the repair was done within 3 day and it was crated and ready for transport. This was after more than 3 months of waiting for it to be repaired.
If you haven't already thought it, it is fair to think 'what was this guy thinking buying an automatic in Mozambique?'. Well, you are right but i did have a plan. We figured on a trip down to SA in the coming year we would have it looked over and possibly overhauled. We just thought we had more time. But, thankfully, and i mean that, it broke in our back yard and not on bush trip 100's of kilometers from nowhere with the children in the back seat!(Landcruiser is, even automatic, very popular up here and there are at least 20 in town, 6 owned by other missionaries--they all felt my pain--and were glad it wasn't theirs!).
So. The repaired, crated transmission sat in the repair garage for almost three weeks waiting for transport, same problem with the added nuisance of customs and what would they try to make the carrier (thus me) pay. SO after waiting and asking around. No flights coming up here...i was getting desperate. I also was about to head south to visit some folks doing Theological Training by Extension (TEE) which is what i am going to be doing so I started to think i could drive down with my friends to Beira, hop a plane to Maputo and rent a car, drive early one morning 4-5 hours to Joberg pick up the tranny and drive back the same day. The only problem i would have to do would be arrange transport in country from Maputo(normally risky depending on carrier)up to Nampula and pay for it all! Yikes again.
Well, on the way home one evening we stopped at our favorite (and only) shwarma place in town and met some friends...told them of my despair and low and behold he just happened to have a container coming up that week from Joberg! Miracle #2.
So, we arranged for it to be delivered to the shipper and prayed it wouldn't be too much or costly coming through the border. The ship only took 6 days to reach our nearest (and in fact the deepest natural port on the African eastern seaboard) of Nacala and all we had to wait for was it to be loaded onto a truck, clear customs and take the 3 hour trip here!Well all that took as long as it did for the boat to reach here and finally 7 days later the containers reached my friends business and i went to fetch the tranny. After searching through two other containers we located my long lost tranny, hefted it into the back of the truck and headed for the mechanic.
It has only been there for a day and a half but it feels like weeks. Maybe because it is so close now it seems harder to wait. Apparently now we are waiting for customs to come and check it out to make sure it is the same tranny that left the country...and then we can install it again. In all truth besides the one night when i ran into my friend with the container when i was considering the ridiculous, i haven't been upset by this. In fact we were thankful because if it happened anywhere outside of town...or in he bush it would have been horrific trying to find a tow and if we had waited to have it done in Joberg during a family trip we would have waited at least 3 weeks for the parts if not 6, everyday paying for housing, food, car rental....that would not have been cheap. If the tranny had gone now we would have been in trouble and not able to do some traveling i had planned as well as visits to other mission works around the north. So in the end...which i think this is, we are glad it happened when and where and how it did.

Postscript.
The truck has been in the garage here for one week and still it is not running. I am doubting the abilities...and desire of the mechanic to get my truck back up to snuff. It is together and everything is in the right place (as it appears to me) but they are unable to get any electrical current! Ugh. So, now after another few days of waiting the mechanic calls in a electrician and finds that a rat had been happily living and eating the wires of the truck and one of the batteries was flat. So...we shall see but one more day and i will get my car back????

OKAY FOLKS, I AM GOING TO PICK UP MY TRUCK IN 30 MINUTES!
You heard me, it is ready and running great. Funny thing, the problem after calling various other mechanics and electricians here in town to figure out why it was not starting it turned out one of the helpers put the battery ON TOP OF two cables, so they were never connecting! HA! I don't know if the boss was as amused bu i sure was.

Went into shop on June 28th, 2007 and is leaving shop on November 9, 2007.

Hallelujah and amen!

2007-10-20T20:19:00.001+03:00

I really like this guy and possibly he is speaking to Christains, pastors and missionaries as well!

2007-10-20T20:12:00.000+03:00

To expell the vile bile
to sit on the throne and explode in the tub
to understand this too shall pass
is it 24 hour, 36...or aomebic?
Ah, the joys of illness

i say no more as i must run...

The Impotence of Proofreading By Taylor Mali

2007-10-19T15:07:00.001+03:00

Just listen to what he thinks he is saying...

2007-10-12T14:49:00.000+03:00

Is recuperating a miracle..it is a given design of our body to heal itself (sometimes with a little, sometimes with a lot of help). This i find to be a miracle.

On so many levels i am thinking of this theme today. Most acutely in the form of watching my wife recover from malaria and an amoebic dysentery which apparently sh e had at the same time! Man, was she wiped out. Pale, skinny, weak and well, icky, and i have to say it, brainless. It was as if she was shutting down. Now, don't get me wrong, i was glad to come back early from my trip to take care of the kids and stuff and allow her to rest, really, without her, i am lost. But geese, she was a mess.

So then,recuperation, i think of it in spiritual terms and it gets a little deeper. If on wants to return to 'spiritual health', one must either rely on our 'existing form' to heal itself (haven't found this to work too well) or get beyond ourselves and connect to not only others but back to the source of true health, which is God our creator. NOW. I know, i know, 'How does one do this Mr. spiritual?'. My answer is don't know how you connect to God. I do not know if you find meditation or scripture reading or worship (whatever that may mean for you) to be the 'thing' for you. Or maybe walking silently through some deserted woods (always worked for me, of course here in moz there are no deserted woods and even if i found some i may die of heat, snakes or land mines...wouldn't be very connecting would it?). Okay. What i do think is that to recuperate spiritually, to reconnect with God I have found i need to spend time with him. I need to hear his words (read scripture), i need to listen to his voice (prayer, meditation and solitude)...and if i do these things, if i let other things go...i can regain my health.
I have been recuperating recently and it feels good. I have bad days yet and yes, i even have doubts and don't understand what the heck is going on but i am connected to he source...and therefore i can go on.

Just a post thought because this thought occurred to me rather startlingly...you husbands and wives do you and i provide space for those we love to recuperate? Do we know what they need, what works for them? If you don't ask them.

Enjoy the ride and recuperate as often as needed.
Kevin

2007-10-06T12:09:00.000+03:00

Well I'm back from the city this time...
After 14 hours in a rackity (is this a word?) Land Rover i, bumming a ride from friends arrived in Beira to visit some church leaders, buy bibles and visit the Bible School. All in the name of figuring out how to start a TEE program in Nampula. Unfortunately i had left my wonderful wife home with malaria 9we both thought day four of treatment she would have found herself coming back alive, but alas, she had not and speaking to her while on the road i got the impression i should head back. So i spent two days in a truck to get down, made must of my contacts in one and a half days and flew home to Nampula in ONE HOUR! Sheesh, the flight was nice, even being delayed over an hour was a joy.
Cami is now recovering a i am taking care of the boys and house...dogs, workers...dirty diapers...no sweat.
All in all things are good. Toby has begun to like his school, Ben is not destroying everything anymore, although he did try to assist the cat and and our great dane to be friends and the dog snatched the cat by the middle (almost engulfing the poor kitty, and the kitty responded by biting Ben on the hand! I guess he didn't want to be friends or used as dog floss.
Ok, will write something spiritual soon. Lots of thoughts, little time to sort them out.
OH, my gearbox, which i have been trying to find transport for form Joberg to here IS ON ITS WAY! A friend who owns a business here in town, just happened to be sending a container up form Joberg and offered to throw the tranny in. Wow, after four months we are excited, we may actually get our truck back this month!
Cheers

2007-09-25T07:02:00.000+03:00

Well I am back from the 'bush'.
I went on a trip to visit and encourage some churches in the Angoche area with a friend of mine and i learned a lot. First thing i learned was flexibility. We planned on two days, they expected three and we planned on visiting two churches they had 'arranged' four. When asked how far it was to the next village/town, we would be told, "oh, half an hour" but the roads would not allow and we would arrive an hour and a half later! Meal times varied by many hours although the content of the meal was pretty consist ant with sweet potato, peanuts, rice, local chicken and assorted meat parts--we think goat-- and it all tasted good! We were shown hospitality and so much respect it seemed...well, embarrassing. For these pastors and churches the visiting missionary was a big deal. It gave them validity and encouragement i cannot understand. They know how hard it is to reach them, they know life is busy and full of obligations and when someone shows interest and spends time to see them, they are grateful. Also their entire community sees the church is taken seriously and it is a testimony to them as well. Often the missionary is their only link to Bibles, materials and information about Bible Schools as well.
We shared simple truths but found the people eager to hear. At night we would show the Jesus film in their language which always drew a crowd and the second night drew a lot of noise from unbelievers who showed up. Being in a highly mu$lem area you don't always know what reaction one will receive but besides a very loud 'high' guy we had not one problem the whole trip. Many showed appreciation and asked when we would be coming back. (Hint, hint--short term trip) One church gave us a chicken, 10 pounds of peanuts and some flour to show their thanks. These villages have no electricity, no running water, little access to goods and a LONG bike ride on a sandy road to the main dirt road (still hours from a town).
The Sunday am i woke up with a headache and was asked to preach again...'but i already gave the only sermon i have prepared in Portuguese' AHHHH! Well as i read through the scripture the story of the woman at the well came to life and it was EASY to preach on it. It was...actually FUN. I had forgotten that being a missionary was fun, exciting and very gratifying work. this was the biggest lesson i learned...and that when a he end of my capabilities, God would provide a way.
But there is also something else i learned, there is a lot of work to be done! Tons. Come on out. See for yourself. You need not be a scholar or genius. Just love Jesus and share his words...and remember (as i was reminded) most of the work is Gods!
What a relief.

2007-09-13T12:21:00.000+03:00

Better yet don't forget we have a BIG, GOOD God and we are part of the solution

Yup, this is a follow up. The baby with the burns was at church Sunday playing with others (just not sitting down!), the baby in Joburg is improving and they are making plans to remove the ventilator, lower the meds and remove him form ICU!, the lady in the car crash is fine and should be home in a few days. The forced landing of the missionary plane was caused to mechanical problems and could have been terrible. On a personal note our new mega-dog (great dane) is catching a ride here saving me a 9-10 hour (each way) dirt road drive! Our truck transmission will be ready the end of the week and now all have to do is get it up here in Moz form Joberg! I have had some really wonderful meetings with other missionaries and local pastors and see a picture of what the future could hold working together with others, missionaries and Mozambicans. My family is healthy and i am sleeping well lately. All in all a good week with many things 'moving' in the right direction---for which we thank God profusely!

On another note please pray for our Muslim neighbors and workers as they just started Ramadan and it is a incredibly oppressive time. I pray that it leads them to question their faith and seek the truth...and find Jesus! Please also continue to pray for Dr. Charles who is under attack personally with rumors and junk and must prove himself innocent!

I am starting to translate some sermons to share with the churches here and continue to be drawn to the calling of the disciples. The 'not-good-enoughs' according to Rob Bell in his 'Dust' sermon (www.nooma.com). These guys were fishermen who didn't cut it to follow a Rabi. But i am moving beyond that thought to the fact that these fishermen were also sinners, most likely crude and rough guys. They were lost, probably marginally Jewish, knowing or believing enough to call themselves Jews but not devote. And here is where Jesus calls his 'A' squad to change the world. And even after their stupid remarks ('let me sit next to you in heaven Jesus') and failings ('no, never heard of Jesus', as the rooster crowed) Jesus continued to work with them, teach them and explain things to them (just like me!). Some didn't get it. YET in the end they did, they moved mountains, they spoke in tongues, the were imprisoned, tortured...established churches and did God's will. WOW.

What about me? What about me? Are we still in the boat with our Dad's fishing, ignoring the call form sure, are we walking with Jesus learning at his feet, covered in his dust? Are we comprehending what he is saying....and are we changing our world?

Hey, start walking...the running will come. And in the end who knows what God will do through you...and even me.

Just another traveler.

2007-09-10T08:56:00.000+03:00

Lest we forget we do have an adversary.

Going spiritual here folks...hope i don't bug anybody.

As a believer in the Bible, a follower of Jesus, a son of God, it is at times easy to forget that we are waged in a battle for our and others sanctity and souls. Recently this has come to our attention in a very real and terrible way.

Here in Mozambique things can be hard. Real hard. In the last weeks we personally know of a child who received 3rd degree burns over their back side and legs (now OK), our friends child who was evacuated to south Africa still suffering in intensive care with seizures unable to shake a nasty infection/virus/lung damage, another missionary is receiving vicious rumors which are all untrue but may land him in jail, another women was driving home and her axle broke causing her to lose control and roll the truck (both she and her baby are ok now after another evacuated to SA) others have been robbed, harassed, thwarted in ministry, found pastors being immoral and unethical and this list is not including the little things like depression, marital stress, children with malaria, lack of funding, car problems, forced airplane landings and struggles to learn language...

We've come to the conclusion we are under attack and we have also found 'If one part suffers, every part suffers with it;'(1 Corinthians 12:26a) So we suffer for the sake of making Jesus known here and yet are surprised when we suffer. Even more so we are angered when our children suffer. We are heartbroken at times.

Today I ask you to pray for your missionaries. (Pray for us too). Satan does not want us here. The darkness is thick. Satan is busy distracting, discouraging and flat out attacking God's people and confusing, distracting and leading others away form the truth. We know our troubles are 'light and momentary' and we are in the in the hands of a loving God...but that doesn't mean bad things don't happen nor that it feels good to be here and go through these things. Contrary to all the health and wealth stuff out there these days Jesus promises his followers that they WILL suffer (Luke 9:23)

'Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.'2 Cor. 4:17

We are not losing heart, don't you either, not matter what you are going through. Go to Jesus, talk to him, pray for everyone you know. Serve others...get out of yourself! Read the history of God's people and know you are not alone.

Be encouraged...these things will pass.

Pray for Ben, Caleb, Charles, Amy, Paul, Dave...and their families.

Thanks.

2007-08-31T11:20:00.000+03:00

Our first flat tire, spitting cobra, malaria and a dead guy.

As you can imagine the dead guy was the most surprising and upsetting. We awoke one morning and found a few hundred people in front of our house. Apparently there had been a 'domestic' problem and when the guy got home from out of town he found is wife with another guy and well, she was a better fighter...until the police stuck her keester in the slammer. It just took about 6 hours for them to remove the corpse from the rain spillway in front of our house! As i went to greet some visitors at the back door there was this snake thing also wanting to visit and sitting on our veranda. We proceeded to send him on to a better place but it was a little upsetting to find so close to the house. The flat tire, well, that wasn't a big deal except for the fact it took 3 hours to get it repaired.For those of you who have not heard, our oldest son, Toby, had been sick with a virus for a week and when we took him in for the blood test he came back with 4 out of 5 on the malaria test. He was really sick. He was a trooper and enjoyed the attention. He was so sick in fact he didn't even get in trouble for two days...he received the most current treatment and has recovered really well. We are now awaiting the next 'first'...like packages arriving before we expect them or car repairs going smoothly!

There are a lot of firsts to be had here and i am sure we will have more as time goes by but it is nice to know we are not alone. Through some strange (dead guy)and horrible (friend's kid so sick needed to be airlifted out) circumstances we have been reminded that those these events may be surprises to us, they are not to God. .

Rest assured, HE knows what is going on and although some things are difficult or downright heartbreaking, there will also be the wonderful and unexpected joys.
Like the free use of a truck (while we wait for parts for our truck--now 7+weeks) or the unsolicited kind words from another, or invitations for ministry. Or just a moment of bliss watching the sun come up.

Life goes on friends. Things happen and God IS good. Keep the faith and look for the firsts, God only knows what is coming up!

2007-08-27T14:57:00.000+03:00

What is of value is protected.

Seems to be a true statement wherever you are. In the USA we protect our stuff (homes, cars, boats) with fancy locks, high tech electronic devices and monitoring systems. Here in Moz we build big walls, put glass on top and hire guards to watch the place when we aren't around. We put immobilizers on our cars and locks on our steering wheels.

But more than anything I hate my walls. I hate having to protect my stuff. I would rather not have walls but i can't afford to replace the stuff either. So i protect what is most valuable to me. My family and then the stuff that makes our house a home and what makes our lives more comfortable. But this weekend i was challenged to guard something immeasurably more valuable. My heart.

If you know me at all or have read my blog...my heart seems to be...well bruised and just possibly it is because i have not guarded it, have not tended it as i should have.

The book of proverbs in the Bible tells us 'above all things, guard your heart' and yet i carry on like i don't have to. Is someone else going to take care of it? Are the depths of my soul going to be fed through osmosis...if i have a bible will i be actually profit from it? These questions come to mind and i have to ask myself not only have i been guarding my heart but how am i supposed to do that anyway?

The last few months have been traumatic, not in a bad way, but have had so much happen, so many new things to learn and digest my heart, my soul have been neglected. My body has been tired and my mind races every day. I have found myself short on compassion and patience for my kinds and not putting my wife's needs in front of mine. I have not spent time meditating on what is good. I have not prayed nearly enough and i have not loved as i should. But this weekend i did. I got back. I took the time, i listened to my wife and i spent time alone with God. I read his word because it is for me and i reveled in the fact that God loves me. These things are good for the guard. I found almost instantly i was not plagued by fear or disappointment. I found i had strength to go on and love to share. I found i want to serve others....my heart was alright after all.

This is a daily thing and not an easy thing. But brothers, sisters, guard your heart, you only have one. If it has been broken, take extra care not to listen to lies. Not to feed on the negative and please don't forget,

You are loved.

2007-08-25T15:57:00.001+03:00

At least someone got it right.

"When you start looking and thinking with the mind of a medic: You will see what is needed and not available. When you look with the eyes of a social worker: You will be discouraged, because you are powerless to create long-term solutions. When you look with the eyes of a politician: You will turn away your head: You don't get votes there. When you look with the eyes of a banker you will see no profit ... But if you want to look with the eyes of faith, you will discover people who want to talk to you, who are longing to feel your care and your love. If you want to give that, it is easy." Mother Teresa

2007-08-24T13:56:00.001+03:00

Life in moz
Street children
potholes
shady police and shadier customs officials
children everywhere, dirty
but happy
malaria
water and power cuts
malaria
uncertainty
diarrhea
laughter
dust
huge ocean
joy
sun
bicycles everywhere
50cc motorcycles
15 year old cars
more laughter
bright capalanas
pride
long road trips
headaches
cashew and acacia trees
family and friends...
no strangers
singing and dancing between real life
thinking of a better world
aids
hungry for weeks
more sun
brothers and sisters

glad to be part

2007-08-21T17:55:00.000+03:00

For those who wonder how much hair i have left...

2007-08-21T16:16:00.000+03:00

Suffering Part 2
I read some thought-provoking words the other day in a magazine. I thought they were worth repeating because i think they relate and conclude my last entry.

We Americans like to think of justice and equality and are upset and offended if we have to suffer any abuse for another. We do not like suffering at all, for any reason and in fact are surprised wen something less than optimum happens to us. Yet Christ did exactly that and yet i, as a Christian still complain. The quote bellow sums it up.

"Some therefore suffer for their sins, while others suffer for the sins of others, The former is suffering of cleansing, the latter is substitutionary suffering. Both are redemptive, and both can be accepted with grace."

The fact we should handle the abuses and suffering with grace is a counter-culture thing which i often fight. More often i will take my cup of suffering and then expect some sort of reward in return when in fact possibly I am meant to be absorbing the suffering as part of one, my own maturity and two, as redemption for someone else. Now, lest you read this and think i am considering myself saviorific stop it! What i mean is that any act of suffering can show, point to and demonstrate love...on a humanitarian level and as a poor reflection of God.

"The trials that keep us kneeling before our lifelong assignments are never haphazard. All the sufferings that are thrust upon us can serve to bring us to maturity. Hurt is the essential ingredient of ultimate Christ-likeness."

The second quote i thought was directly connected in that the trails or as some like to say, 'opportunities' are just that. We can choose how to respond when junk happens to us. The choose is ours. To forgive or not, to take abuse and show love in return , or not. To suffer pain and heartache not because we are anxious to die but because maybe , just maybe we will understand Jesus a little better.

So, enjoy the ride friends, brothers and sisters. This life is much bigger than you and me and don't you forget it.

2007-07-29T08:04:00.000+03:00

On being broken

I was reading through some blogs i frequent and thinking of some people i love and realised that for the most part those who are most balanced, most able to take their knocks, are those who have been broken.
This isn't a 'badge' thing but more of a personal observance thing. For those who don't know i lost a baby daughter two years ago and i was broken. It changes things. Life takes on a new perspective. What i am thankful for now is different than what i used to be thankful for. The phrase 'it could always be worse' is actually true. To keep this 'cup-half-full' mentality going one only needs to think of Jesus. He knew from the getgo he would be heckled, hassled, sleep in the cold, wander homeless, be betrayed, be wrongly accused, unfairly judged and then murbered for it. Now that sucks. And he knew it all going in!
For me, i had no idea what suffering is and as a good old american i never thought it would happen to me. Don't we all think that? "Well, i'll never get cancer" or "My marriage will never fall apart".But these things happen--to us, to someone you know. I recently was talking to someone i love dearly who has a had a bit of a bad year. Job situation sucks, family is limping along, made some bad choices...and now is sitting broken. He is slowing putting things in order and getting his life back and my thought this morning was, 'ok, now he is broken, he can start again'. It seems lately many i know are in some stage of being broken and some don't even know it. Some are fightened by it, some are denying it, some are running as fast as they can from it. And occassionally some are grasping it for all it is worth, for what it has to teach them.
I am still learning what my brokenness is about. I still miss my Tabitha and still don't have any answers about the why. But what i have learned is that brokenness becomes part of you. You do not 'get over it' and 'time doesn't heal all wounds', but brokenness/pain becomes part of who you are, you feel more deeply, hopefully have more compassion for others and are able to identify with a whole other group of people.
If you are somewhere in this process, experiencing pain and being broken, i am sorry. It is not fun. But you will survive. Others have, you can. What i can tell you is that knowing jesus and having a relationship with God (mind you not church--church often doesn't help)you can come out stonger, healthier and with peace.
Jesus went through a lot of junk. He suffered. He knows what it is like.
Have some peace and know i am for you, behind you...and if i could i would be with you.
Peace

2007-07-24T08:12:00.000+03:00

Here is our new house! We are so thankful!

We moved to Nampula, Mozambique a few months ago and live a short distance outside the city (one of 3-4 houses with electricity on our street) and didn't know we had neighbors until Toby and i climbed a giant rock behind the house and saw the over 300 huts! These are very typical and do not have running water or electricity.

Here is view outside of town. The large hills are actually rocks which are amazing. I have yet to climb one but and working on making it happen. Unfortunately they are often connected with ancestor worship and therefore when a Christian climbs one it is considered strange, if not blasphemous.

2007-07-23T19:56:00.000+03:00

Say Hello to 'Ben the Destroyer' or as the lego people call him, 'Giant Baby of Death'

2007-07-19T11:01:00.000+03:00

If i told you i was a bad missionary would you believe me?

Recently having arrived in Mozambique my inadequacies, laziness and ineptness are shining through. Maybe not to others but to me they are glaring. I have been told just being able ot survive is a accomplishment, and i probably agree. But shouldn't i be doing more than just surviving?

Life in Africa is hard and for most it is harder than i can imagine. No running water, electricity, medical care is marginal, disease is everywhere, no jobs (forget about travel, vacation or 'extra money') and to top it off a worldview that it is rather...well pessimistic and fatalistic. So here i come complaining that the Internet in my home isn't fast enough, my large 4x4 is going to take weeks to repair, i have to wake up at 5:30 to feed the children...and my work is so vague i really can't DO much for months. And all the while literally the neighbors are going hungry, literally.
So i ask you what is a 'good' missionary? I have given rides to the neighbors to the hospital, i have sat and talked with my workers, even bought them Bibles, i have prayed with their sick wives. I have been trying to form relationships but know it takes months if not years for them to trust a outsiders. I have visited their homes and tried to listen to their stories. I know that i need to learn from them more now than they need to learn form me and i know that God is in control of it all, but i feel like i am accomplishing nothing...and therefore feel like a bad missionary.

And then i think...time, things take time. Is my family happy? Am i raising my boys to really know God and see Him in my life? Is my wife content (if not happy!)? Do i provide for them as best i can? Am i making a positive impact in the lives around me so that others may know Christ and the freedom He brings? Can i learn a new culture (or multiple cultures as there are here in Nampula), can i establish a home that is safe for my family and welcoming for visitors? Can i handle my newly determined wealth in a respectful and generous. In other words am i being a good father, husband, steward, brother, son, neighbor...

There seems to be a large gap between what we should BE and what we DO and sometimes i get confused. If you have ever felt like me...sorry, but hold on, Christ looks at the heart and in fact a major complaint Jesus had against the religious people of the day was that they did stuff but didn't love. Didn't love, didn't forgive.

I was told by a missionary that the thing the Africans need to hear is love. They have heard preaching, theology and seen a stream of good intentioned people trying to help them but rarely has it been a consistant, long term message of love.

So, i am not a good missionary. Fine, i am also a terrible Christian but hey, gives God more room to work through me and i don't have to depend on my own strength, knowledge or will. I have to depend Him. I have to give His love, i have to listen to the Holy Spirit and love. whew.

God, give me yourself. Free me from my own rules and demands. and may we know your love...

and give it away and in so doing be all you want us to be.

2007-07-16T21:50:00.000+03:00

SHEESH!
You would think we had dropped off the face of the planet...well, sort of. We landed here in Mozambique a few months ago and began a move north to the island of Nampula (ok, not really a island--in fact 3 hours form the beach).

Life here has been...well, busy. Between learning new ways of doing stuff, organising a new house, overseeing construction, training workers, visiting missionaries, africans, churches and generally trying to get our bearings.

I don't have much to say tonight as i am simply exhausted but wanted to say we are NOW ONLINE IN OUR HOME! Praise God.

We have missed you all and look forward to getting back in touch!

We are well, no sicknesses, cool nights and we are in good spirits, happy to be here where God sent us.

Send us an email or respond to this if there is something you wanted to know!

and Mike, where is Toby's cat?

His
Kevin

2007-04-20T09:10:00.000+03:00

“Through a veil dimly”.

first let me say sorry for delaying...been pretty busy new coutry and all...

Having been here in Mozambique for over a month somehow I had expected to have a little better clue as to what I would be doing. I had anticipated meeting my teammates here and listening to their ideas and stories and somehow (be it intrinsically or divinely) I would know what to do but in fact I have less of an idea now than I did before.

I am thrilled to be back in Africa and looking forward to moving into our own home in one of the neighborhoods outside of town. After being on the move for so long it is hard to imagine settling down and sticking to a place for more than a few years, God willing we will be able to do just that here in Nampula for many years. The ex-pat and missionary community is supportive and friendly; many different organizations working together and constantly dialoguing as to how best serve and help those here.

I have a job description but it was for working in Beira, not here and it leaves me with a lot of questions and endless possibilities. Which brings me to the idea of “seeing dimly”. There are a few instances referring to veils, most referring back to the old testament and Moses and how he had to cover his face to hide the glory of God which would have radiated from him and possibly hurt the Israelites after he had been speaking with God. Another is the allegory to our understanding of the things of God and how we will not comprehend His ways fully until when reach his side in heaven. Now, I understand in Christ we no longer have to hide our faces and in fact should be radiating clearly and brilliantly the face of God to everyone we meet WHILE at the same time not understanding Him or his ways. But man! It is hard sometimes.

Hmm. So here I am, ‘on the field’ ready for work and no-one, no-one has a clue as to what I am to do. (there have been some suggestions..) so I wait. And I live an I try to spend time in His presence so I may radiate, trusting that what I do not understand is in the mind and hands of a God whom I trust implicitly and unswervingly. It is a strange and wonderful place to be. I am content, no, more than that, honored to be here in this place and look forward to God directing my steps, introducing me to people and ministry.

Have you ever felt as if God were purposely making you wait for something. Either to avoid settling for something that is not the best or to make you thankful for what you will receive as the best for you.

So wait, I tell myself, spend time in his presence so as to radiate and have a proper perspective. And, as usual, enjoy the ride!

2007-02-06T20:53:00.000+03:00

52 hours and counting...
Baby has diarrhea, 'the kid' is having listening problems, the wife is excited/terrified and i am having chest pain.
Stress! what stress? I ponder as we enter this huge new phase in our lives individually and collectively as a family, is this actually what i wanted and dreamed? I think so. Yet, like so many other times, all the outside 'stuff' comes crashing in and as we try to keep a perspective and our heads above water we are called to be more than (and different than) we had planned and anticipated.
One thing remains sure and constant. God. The unfathomable, unknowable, yet completely trustworthy God is the same. I do find comfort in this, for although He is scary and continues to be a mystery to me i know He cares and is with us. I am more aware than ever how alone we are and how it is so easy to be isolated and afraid. DON'T go there friends. I know some of you are in rough patches now. My heart is with you R&K, V&M...Stay close. Stay connected. I remember praying the last prayer over Tabitha, begging God to heal her and clearer than anything in my life, He said, 'I don't make mistakes'. Although difficult to fathom and hard to explain, hold dearly to Him. Or as my grandfather choked out to me with tears in his eyes as we said goodbye for probably the last time, "When the chips are down, turn to Jesus, He won't let you down."

For those we leave behind. We will always be with you. Our memories are full of faces and you are what we treasure the most. We will see you again in our dreams, hopefully letters and on he Internet. Stay well all....and if you ever get to southern Africa, throw me an email and i would love to show you why i love it there.

Next time....from Mozambique!

2007-01-31T16:08:00.000+03:00

Have you ever been scared, i mean really scared?

A few weeks ago i had some chest pain and after it persisted for a number of days i went to my doctor. Well, my dr. was great and said he didn't think it was anything serious but thought i should have a chest x-ray anyway. So, x-ray done, got the results and....'oh, we found a spot on your thorax (chest wall) and the radiologist thinks your heart is 'a little too big'. WHAT? My dr. then said, 'well i would like to run some more tests'...so chest ct, heart sonogram.....and fear. I began to ask myself, what can be wrong? My chest pain increased and radiated around from my chest to my shoulder, from one side to another...and the more i thought about it the worse it got. I had days of panic, thinking of heart disease, lung cancer and possibly not being there to watch my children grow up...not being able to grow old with Cami...of leaving her. It was one of the worst weeks of my life. (luckily Cami and the boys were in fl.).
I remember thinking how can anything be wrong with me, i am fairly young and strong, i run, i have been working out...blahblahblah....and realised things don't make sense and as a christian everything is in His hands. Everything. My future, my family, my health. There is a degree of responsibility to take care of stuff(stewardship), but if God is truly sovereign, truly in control, even if i were to die, God would still be in control and present. He would still be loving and kind, still be forgiving and mindful of those who put their trust in Him.
The good news is both results came back clear and other than some very detailed specifics about my heart i am in no danger. I am going to be around for a while.
A word on fear. It is devastating and real. It can reek havoc on our bodies and our minds. What helped me the most was to worship. To focus on who God is, regardless of the circumstance. Don't let yourself be lead away form the truth into speculation.
So, off to packing....9 days and counting!

2007-01-29T19:41:00.000+03:00

Having the memory of jello, i don't know where these thoughts came from but i thought they were funny and slightly revelaing.

If you want to be a leader beware...
-Are the ones under the microscope with all their faults revealed
-The leader usually has to check for the thin ice
-He/she is usually the one who has to pay for the rental car damage
-Is the first to be eaten by cannibels when traveling abroad
-Is the first to learn if it is a friendly dog or not (and if it was sleeping)
-That even the smallest shark can bite.
-Is blammed for any failure of 'the group'...

In conclusion, leaders are usually strong and somewhat assertive people and they need to be in order to survive the job. Pray for your leaders, government, church....all of them.

2007-01-22T00:53:00.000+03:00

So if you had to move and leave everyone you knew, with all your wordly possensions (fitting neatly into a dozen suitcases) and do it all in three weeks what would your priorities be?

Currently for me it is sleep. For me and especially my wife who has been woken up by our teething 10-month-old we really need to get some good nights of sleep. In the last six months as we waited for visa paperwork to clear we have been able to see most of out friends, be with those who needed some love and been able to be a encouragment to those around us. It truly been a good time. What have we seen or learned?
Hmmm.
Firstly, that God really does know better. We had wanted to go to a northern city in Mozambique but were told no by our authorities only for the country authorities to tell us we couldn't go there after months of waiting. We were worried about schooling options for our almost-5-year-old and in our new city there is a english speaking preschool! We wanted to be working with experienced missionaries and we will be. I wanted to work outside the classroom settng and i actually have no idea where i will work with. It is wide open, perfect!
Secondly, i can't do anything alone. If i had gone to africa a few months ago i would have gone with some sense of having the capabilities and knowledge to give. HA. What i know now is i can't do it. I have such little confidence...i have moved towards dependance on God. Whatever happens in Africa is all God. I is a really nice place to be.

So, forgive me for not wrting sooner, we've been busy.
I will write again soon!

2007-01-07T02:38:00.000+03:00

Hey, take a look at my new fair city, Nampula, Mozambique!
My family and I ship out on February 7th! After 6+ months waiting for the right paperwork we recieved our needed letters and should recieve our visa within 3 weeks.

Check it out (not my pictures, but really good all the same)

http://travel.webshots.com/photo/2333283890044672173AGCQeR

Cheers all

2006-12-24T04:36:00.000+03:00

I didn't think i would ever do this but i have to comment on a movie.
I went to the movies the other night with a friend and have to say

DON'T GO SEE Mel's 'ACOPOLYPTO'.

Oh my, what a senseless, hopeless, viscous, bloody depressing film.
There, i said it. My movie review. (Mind you, i like Pulp fiction and TLOTR movies and Magnolia)

Sorry. I really wish the images would be blotted out of my memory!

2006-12-19T19:39:00.000+03:00

Pause. Read this slow.

As some of us drift we look around. And sometimes, just sometimes we look up.

In the vastness of space, in the infinite array of stars, in the galaxies upon galaxies, in the endless miles, no, light years we cannot even glimpse the end of the universe. In the immeasurable space where our galaxy gets lost, let alone our planet, we as individuals are puny, unrecognizable, yet we live like we are all that matters, like everything revolves around us. Me.

And yet, in all this, even though we are so ridiculously small, God, the Creator of all, not only was mindful that we exist, but choose to come here and be one of us. And then he did the unthinkable he died for us.

Now i have been feeling small and lost and have found out that i am not alone, in fact many feel the same way in their Christianity, in their relationship with God. I now have been reminded that i am small, insignificantly tiny compared to the scope of the universe, in the size and scope of a God i still don't understand. And yet---and yet He not only is mindful of me, but He loves a speck like me. He came for me, He lived for me, He died for me. He...for me and for a moment i don't feel so small, so lost. I may not be able to understand Him, or grasp all He is or all He's done for me but this i can do, i can hold Jesus the baby. I can imagine and feel the love of a baby. I can get my mind and arms around an infant. Maybe that is why God sent him to us as a baby.

This season hold the baby. Start there. If you haven't held a baby lately, go find one and grab it. (ask the mother first :) And as you gaze in the eyes look for God.

Merry Christmas everyone.